Being fit is very important to a lot of people.
Exercise is a daily part of life that can keep people happy and focused.
And some people do the best they can and are happy with their body and looks.
For some relationships, just being happy isn’t good enough.
Redditor Distinct-March2456 needed to discuss his health and fitness issues that seem to be plaguing his relationship with his G[irl]F[riend], so he turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
“AITAH for saying that my girlfriend needed to get in shape too if she expected it from me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 32 now.”
“In University I was in a Division. 1 swimmer.”
“I almost made the Olympics.”
“I’m not bragging, this is relevant.”
“Obviously, at that level of competition, I was incredibly fit.”
“I still swim for exercise, but it would be a lie to say I’m in top condition.”
“I have a lot of other things going on.”
“My girlfriend of three years is beautiful.”
“She is a teacher, and her hobbies are all pretty sedentary.”
“She walks her dog twice a day, and that is her physical activity.”
“Lately, one of her friends started dating a personal trainer.”
“This guy has a six-pack and looks like Jean Claude Van Damme.”
“If I’m being honest, his physique is better than mine was.”
“But I wasn’t training for looks.”
“I was training for speed.”
“My girlfriend has been saying that I should get back in shape so she can show me off.”
“It was kind of annoying.”
“I’m a professional.”
“Once again, not bragging, just stating facts.”
“I have a career I enjoy that allows me to enjoy life at a pretty great level.”
“Every year, I take two vacations to different countries on my bucket list.”
“I’m debt-free.”
“I don’t have time to eat ten thousand calories a day and train five hours a day.”
“I laughed it off to begin with, but I explained to her what I just explained to you.”
“She seemed to understand, but then she started again.”
“So I told her that if she wanted me to ‘get back in shape,’ then she had to as well.”
“That she needed to get to 20% body fat like runway models.”
“I said that she was beautiful but had no stamina or strength.”
“She is now saying I’m an a**hole for only considering her looks.”
“I think that’s pretty f**king ironic.”
“I’m in great shape for my age and still enjoy stuff like snowboarding and surfing.”
“I will also admit here that I’m not particularly good-looking.”
“I look kind of like Walter White’s old business partner.”
“I think that if she wants that from me, it’s not too much to expect the same from her.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You’re not a prop in her life that she can use to compete with her friend.”
“She is coming across extremely shallow.” ~ Impossible_Nebula_33
“Agreed, NTA.”
“This is pure hypocrisy.”
“Her behavior is damaging him, and she needs counseling to get an objective reality check from a third party.” ~ artano-tal
“She needs to engage her brain.”
“The other guy is a personal trainer; his job is to exercise.”
“His physique is an advertisement for the product he’s selling.”
“When OP’s job was to train, he trained; now he has a different job.”
“Exactly like you said, if she can’t take it, she shouldn’t dish it out.”
“She’s frankly being a sexist AH.” ~ Beth21286
“I would try therapy; a professional can help you understand where your head is at and how to shift your thinking.”
“It’s a perspective/mindset issue, that is about what you value in a partner.”
“I think it also has a lot to do with age.”
“As you go through life, you (usually) start to realize how little looks matter.”
“Time ravages all of us.”
“If you value a lasting relationship, you’ll value honesty, healthy communication, kindness, and compassion, etc.”
“Of course, attraction is often the first step towards building a good relationship, but that person won’t always look exactly the same.”
“But if you fall in love with their laugh, their kind eyes, and the way they make you feel, the rest of it doesn’t really matter.” ~ bubbleyum92
“NTA. Her demand is offensive, depersonalizing, and demeaning.”
“Seems like you’re just a piece of meat to her.”
“This does not seem like a healthy relationship.”
“Are you sure you want to keep dealing with this hurtful attitude and behavior?” ~ Familiar_Shock_1542
“I’d just tell her if she wants someone who spends 75% of their time and brain power on getting ripped, she should go find someone else.”
“That she either loves you as is or you’re not interested.”
“Seriously, she’s kind of crazy. NTA.” ~ Busy-Bumblebee5556
“I’m a woman here.”
“It sounds like you have a lot of attributes many women would want (regardless of how you look).”
“I always find it interesting when financially secure men go for beautiful women, even when they are not particularly nice or sensible people.”
“She’s not 17. “
“She’s 30, has beenin a long-term relationship and is still competing with her friends and looking for Ben Affleck, which is quite sad on multiple levels.”
“I think it is totally fair for you to ask her to get in shape if she asked you to do so.” ~ Lanky-Ostrich8061
“The fact that she compares herself to her friends says a lot about her character and values, especially when the other guy’s job is literally to stay in shape.”
“That said, I know you want her to see your side of the argument, but arguing with her wasn’t a smart move.”
“You ended up entertaining her argument instead of shutting it down like you should have, since it’s plainly stupid.” ~ Worried_Bathroom_411
“NTAH. Maybe you should be more forceful in pointing out the fact that she’s the hypocritical one here.”
“She cried about you only thinking about her ‘looks’ when that’s exactly what she was doing.”
“If she’s no longer attracted to your normal adult body and wants back the super-toned look of a highly practicing athlete, she’d better get out there and find it elsewhere because you’ve been there, done that, and have moved to other things now.”
“Her priorities show a distinct lack of true value, and yes, she is shallow as can be.” ~ 6poundpuppy
“While I have no issues with wanting a trophy husband or something like that, at least those relationships tend to make it very clear very early that that’s the goal.”
“NTA. I honestly don’t think your GF understands what that level of training looks like, as I think most people who haven’t been top athletes don’t REALLY understand it.”
“I understand it in theory, not the reality of eating that much, training that long and consistently, etc., and I don’t have any desire to do all that mess, so I haven’t 😅.”
“I would try to impress upon her that her asking you to get in pro-athlete shape so she can literally just show you off is asking a LOT, and if she’s not willing to put in similar effort, then it’s hypocritical, at best, to be upset you’ve asked her to.” ~ Hot_Needleworker4631
“Your girlfriend is a piece of work.”
“You might consider making her your ex. NTA.” ~ ProfessorDistinct835
“NTA. I loved my boyfriend at 150 lbs and at 200 pounds, and I’d have loved him at 400 lbs in a motorized scooter.”
“It would be understandable if your health was being affected, but she’s merely concerned about looks, and she’s being hypocritical. She should want to show you off regardless.”
“Also, Jesse Pinkman was way hotter and cooler than Jean Claude VanDamme.” ~ Background_Weird2208
“NTA – this is ridiculous- you are over a decade older than college years – that ain’t happening.”
“I think your response was hilarious.”
“She obviously has zero idea of the time, sacrifice, and logistics of having a full-time job and working out training style.”
“I also was a college athlete, and it’s multiple hours per day, not to mention the changes you need to account for being a decade older with a different metabolism and levels of testosterone.”
“Those who cannot take what they dish out are extremely annoying.” ~ Substantial_Art3360
“NTA! Tell her you’ll train like her friend’s new BF, but you’ll have to quit your job.”
“She’ll have to support you financially 100% because all your time will be at the gym, eating, and counting calories.”
“No more date nights, vacations, or gifts.”
“Your GF is a hypocrite and very shallow.”
“If she wants you to get ripped, then you should expect the same for her.” ~ Ginger630
“Your girlfriend is an idiot.”
“As an ex fatty who is now very fit, it’s not as simple as picking up weights; it’s a lifestyle. “
“Calorie tracking, sleep tracking, eating at very specific times, etc.”
“It’s not easy.”
“Make a program for her and see if she lasts a month – if she does, you resume.”
“If she doesn’t, then ask her to never bring it up again.”
“What’s even funnier is that a dude said this to a girl he’d be abused as a woman-hating AH, but her saying it to you is no big deal to most.” ~ wacky_spaz
“NTA and… if by any chance I wanted my husband to get in shape, it would only be fair we get in shape together.”
“But a reasonable and realistically able to maintain type of shape that fits into our lifestyle, not the one catering to unsustainable movie star/supermodel expectations.” ~ neplecha
“NTA. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.”
“Simple as that, really.” ~ Luklear
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your GF is way out of line.
She requested something from you, and you requested back.