Marriage proposals are meant to be fun and full of anticipation of what is to come, but everyone is ready to give and receive a proposal at a different time.
A proposal definitely shouldn’t be forced on someone, ever, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ExtraSupermarket8858 cared about his girlfriend very much and was excited when she offered to plan and host his birthday dinner for him.
But when the birthday cake came out and was disguised as a marriage proposal from him to her, the Original Poster (OP) was embarrassed and walked out of his own birthday dinner.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my own birthday dinner because my girlfriend turned it into a proposal for herself?”
The OP was excited when his girlfriend wanted to plan his birthday for him.
“I (28 Male) had my birthday dinner last weekend, and my girlfriend, Sarah (27 Female), offered to plan it.”
“I was excited because I usually keep things low-key, but she said she wanted to ‘make it special.'”
“She booked a nice restaurant and invited close friends and family.”
But there was a surprise at the party that the OP wasn’t ready for.
“Everything was going great until it was time for dessert. The waiter brought out a cake, but instead of my name or having candles on it, it said, ‘Will You Marry Me, Sarah?'”
“I was completely blindsided.”
“Sarah got all teary-eyed, turned to me, and said, ‘Well? This is the best surprise ever, right?'”
“Everyone around us started clapping, and her friends were filming.”
“I just sat there, stunned.”
“She took my silence as hesitation and started going on about how she knew I wasn’t ‘big on grand gestures,’ but she couldn’t wait anymore, so she ‘took matters into her own hands.'”
The OP didn’t appreciate his girlfriend making the choice for him.
“At that moment, I stood up and said, ‘This is my birthday. If you wanted a proposal, you should’ve talked to me about it first.'”
“Then I grabbed my stuff and walked out.”
“Sarah was mortified, and her friends blew up my phone, calling me an a**hole for embarrassing her and ‘ruining the night.'”
“Sarah even said I humiliated her when she was just trying to do something romantic.”
“Now, my family is split. Some say I should have just gone along with it for the night, while others think she crossed a major boundary.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned by the OP’s girlfriend’s behavior.
“I guess the gift she gave you was to show you her true colors.”
“NTA, and you might be dodging a bullet there.” – NefariousnessFresh24
“She didn’t just turn it into a proposal; she turned it into a proposal where she proposed to herself on your behalf!”
“That is not rational behavior in the least.”
“If she wanted to propose, she could’ve proposed to you, as herself, TO YOU.”
“But no, she wanted the public moment of her being proposed to and decided your birthday was the perfect time for her to give this to herself.”
“She was ‘trying to do something romantic,’ but you weren’t the intended recipient. She was.”
“It was nice of her to show you what she values, because it definitely isn’t you. You’re a prop for her, and at least now you know that for sure.”
“Absolutely, positively NTA.” – helenaflowers
“NTA. She needs help.”
“If she had proposed to you on your birthday in front of your family and friends, that would have been one thing. But making it look to your family and friends as if you had proposed to her is f**king insane.” – 7625607
“This… was the most manipulative tactic ever.”
“It’s such a series of red flags. NTA, OP.” – Vegetable-Cod-2340
“NTA. Time to end the relationship. Your girlfriend is selfish, delusional, and narcissistic.” – Savings_Telephone_96
“I have so much second-hand embarrassment from this!”
“OP, this is very odd. Can you imagine how she will handle having children?! Always wanting herself to be the center of attention? Yikes.” – BlackLakeBlueFish
“Good lord, how do people like this actually exist? Run for your life and be grateful she didn’t decide to baby-trap you first. Absolutely NTA.” – Secret-Coast5471
“She proposed to herself, Jesus f**king Chr**t.”
“Did she buy herself a ring too, are you invited to the wedding or is she gonna get that sorted alone?”
“She hoped to blindside you into not being able to say no to her self-proposal. If this is her character, please never actually propose to this woman.” – GellyG42
“No, that was all kinds of dirty what she did.”
“I asked my husband to marry me when I got tired of waiting, but I asked him directly. I didn’t trick him into it or order him a cake with, ‘Will you marry me, Angie?’ on it. I planned a day with all his favorite things and proposed to him directly with a ring I knew he would love.”
“What she did was incredibly insensitive and rude. You were 100% in the right to be p**sed over it and entirely in your right to decline that proposal.” – Direct_Departure2648
Others agreed and reassured the OP that they were glad he didn’t agree to her plan.
“NTA. Glad you didn’t go along with it.”
“The cake could have said, ‘Will you marry me, YOUR NAME,’ with her proposing to you, which would have been cringeworthy at best.”
“Instead, she decided to make it all about her and put you on the spot. Please see her for who she really is: not worthy of your time and attention.” – Wakemeup3000
“Bro, she held you hostage in front of friends and family to ask and answer a question you didn’t intend to… you’re completely right to walk out if you needed to.” – Key-Place-273
“If it was her proposing to him, it would be one thing, and the way she did it was awkward. Plus the fact that she did it in front of friends and family makes it even more awkward.” – Otherwise-External12
“I read this post too quickly and was like, ‘D**n, what’s wrong with proposing to a guy on his birthday? Seems cute!'”
“God, she proposed to herself AS HIM… what the f**k?!” – ActualProject
“NTA.”
“She didn’t just try to do something romantic. She ambushed you with a marriage proposal crafted to look like it was coming from you, in front of everyone, in hopes you’d feel pressured to play along.”
“If she wanted to discuss whether this relationship was going anywhere, she should have discussed it with you like an adult.”
“She could have even proposed to you herself.”
“Instead, what she did was weird and manipulative, and may be the end of your relationship.”
“Answer any of her friends who text you that her ambushing you like that on your birthday and pretending you proposed to her was manipulative and bananas.” – Shdfx1
“There’s nothing wrong with proposing to someone on their birthday; I think that could’ve been incredibly cute. Proposing to yourself WHENEVER, much less on your partner’s birthday, is absolutely deranged.”
“OP needs to have a nice long think, followed by either leaving or having an even longer conversation with his partner about this.” – Snip3
“NTA. Your family thinks you should just go along with this, meaning you are now engaged. What’s wrong with them?”
“Do they want grand babies so badly they just want you married?”
“Like, ‘Eh, it’s time. You were gonna do it anyway. Get used to the wife being in charge. (wink wink. nudge nudge.)'”
“Do they think a marriage proposal is so insignificant you could have just said yes and then taken in back in the car? And when you took it back she’d be totally cool with it and your relationship would just go on?”
“This is not a white lie. This is not, ‘pizza is fine’ when you really wanted a burger.” – ChuckieLow
“She is in the wrong here. Hats off to you for having the gall to not cave into the surrounding pressure.”
“The day should have been about you, not her. You’re correct in saying she should have communicated her desire to want a marriage prior to this and subsequent planning having taken place.”
“It is weird anyway, to have it on your cake asking her if she will marry you. She could have proposed to you as a birthday gift and that would have been better.”
“They’ve called you an a**hole because you didn’t fall in line to their uncommunicated, and for you, last-second expectations.” – Able-Calligrapher915
“NTA. She SHOULD be embarrassed. Her behavior was outrageous and downright wild! I would end the relationship if I was in your shoes.” – Katiew84
“YTA. You’re not thankful for the fact that your girlfriend gave you the best present ever. You can now leave the relationship because she showed you the best red flag indicator of her true self.”
“Be grateful that you can dodge this bullet. Ignore her friends and the family members who would have you go along with it. Your girlfriend caused her own embarrassment while trying to trap you into a Yes.”
“Happy birthday and yes you’re really NTA.” – RDDTLurker7
“OP, Happy Birthday!!”
“You got the best gift: the gift of freedom!”
“Block her and everyone associated with her, and don’t look back.”
“Gift yourself time to regroup as a single person and look ahead to a brighter tomorrow.” – Popular-Drummer-7989
To say the subReddit was flabbergasted by what happened to the OP at his own birthday dinner would be an understatement.
It would have been cute to drop hints about wanting to be proposed to or for the girlfriend to even propose to the OP on his birthday, but making it look like he was proposing when he might not be ready was a huge red flag.
At least the OP found this out about his girlfriend before becoming engaged to her.
Perhaps that was the best birthday gift of all.