When we’re in a relationship, we tend to create a pattern of sorts with our partners, like going out every Friday night to go bowling. That sort of becomes our “thing” that we do.
But sometimes, someone will ruin the tradition, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WestEastLove found himself calling it quits on his weekends out with his girlfriend when her behavior became too much for him to handle.
But when he saw her reaction to this news, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was overreacting.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for no longer wanting to go out drinking with my girlfriend and our friends?”
The OP was fed up with his girlfriend’s behavior.
“It’s so much that I’m bored of it, I just don’t want to go anymore, because my girl overdoes it every time.”
“There’s no warm-up, it’s just BOOM, right into the vodka shots and then shifting into tequila drinks and then back to shots.”
“In pretty short order, she is hammered out of her skull, and then I have to effectively stop what I’m doing to make sure she doesn’t fall, break something, lose a wallet, keys, etc.”
“Not to mention, she loves to end the night with a late-night run to a convenience store for more booze.”
The OP had tried to talk to her but to no avail.
“I’ve tried talking to her about this, and she just views it as cutting loose on the weekend.”
“She also viewed my plea that she tone it down some as me trying to give her demands.”
“I don’t see it like that at all. She doesn’t realize how bad she gets when it’s 11 at night and she’s been pounding tequila and vodka since 5:45.”
The OP decided to call it quits.
“Now that I’ve told her I’m not partaking in bar hop night, I’ll wait for other invites, she thinks I’m raining on her parade.”
“She thinks I’m doing this just to make her ‘look weird’ because her boyfriend won’t be there.”
The OP said he was uncomfortable with how these weekends went.
“It stops being such a magical evening when she’s too drunk to comprehend the ‘Walk’ sign and I have to rag-doll her across the street.”
He also said he didn’t like how it probably looked to others.
“I worry about how it looks from another POV (point of view), seeing a guy dragging a drunk girl by the wrist, telling her, ‘C’mon, the apartment is this way.'”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to reconsider his relationship.
“NTA, I get wanting to get s**tfaced every now and then, but if my partner told me he doesn’t like me in such a way, I’d definitely scratch my head and rethink my choices.”
“She is just upset with you because she knows she is taking it too far.” – twosteppsatatime
“Having to deal with someone who is completely wasted is something you do for friends on occasions. Every single time is a nightmare.”
“You could video her and show her what she is like or you could be honest.”
“Say that she might be cutting lose but having to look after her because she is sooooo blotted is a complete buzz kill for you and a night that ends up as you playing nursemaid to a dribbling stumbling wreak is not a night off for you.”
“It’s not fun, it’s embarrassing, it’s hard work, and you are not interested in doing it week in week out.” – Whitestaunton
“OP, you have to really think about this relationship here. I’m an alcoholic and I know what it’s like to make people uncomfortable with my drinking habits.”
“Your partner says you’re making her look weird, but she’s clearly not caring about how this makes you feel. You’ve explained that your issue isn’t that she drinks, but the way she goes about it and the excessiveness.”
“Fair enough you can’t make her do stuff, however you need to decide where you draw the line and what your deal-breaker limit is in this matter.” – SteveJones313
Others agreed and said they thought the girlfriend was binge drinking.
“There is a thing called ‘binge drinking.’ That’s what’s she’s doing.”
“She can go without during the week when she has to be functional for work, but goes completely excessive on weekends.”
“She can’t drink in moderation (keep herself in control, buzzing, still mostly functional, not overdoing it). Literally, what she is doing is the textbook definition of binge drinking.”
“But no, you are NTA.”
“Also want to add, if you don’t go and she gets herself into some trouble, do not feel bad. It is the consequences of her OWN actions and maybe the wake-up call she needs to realize this is not sustainable.”
“Also, how much is she spending on this? Could you maybe bring up the expense of it as a way to sort of address it without saying, ‘You’re a d**n drunk and I’m sick of it?'”
“Like ‘We could go to Paris and have a nice vacation on what you spend on alcohol in a month. Which would you rather do?'” – Ok_Character7958
“My dad is a binge drinker and a drug addict in his 11th year of recovery.”
“He’s a musician so assuming, it didn’t have much of an effect on his job or his ability to provide and support our family, because he’s a relatively successful musician with several Grammys under his belt.”
“Guess what, though? His habits, while unknown to me and my brother, were very destructive to our family dynamics.”
“I’m (as our other immediate family members are) heavily traumatized by what we went through, and I didn’t know that my dad was an addict until I was 18 and he was a year sober and doing his fourth step for the second time.”
“It doesn’t have to be just your job that your drinking habits affect.” – dolldarby
“My husband was saying something similar. He was drinking every night, not to excess but he ‘needed’ it to unwind.”
“He didn’t think it was a problem because it wasn’t excessive. I told him that part didn’t matter, the dependency is what the problem was.”
“Now he only drinks when I do, which is one or two weekends a month.”
“I think you should film her when she is trashed and show it to her when she is sober.”
“If that doesn’t have any effect, in my opinion, the relationship is doomed. She doesn’t respect you or your feelings.” – LilacLover1983
Some also warned the OP about walking his girlfriend home.
“I’d nope out completely for a bit on the drunk weekends. Let her take care of herself.”
“I really do worry about you dragging her home and someone seeing it without knowing what is up. You could be in for a world of hurt.”
“I say this as a woman. If I saw you dragging your girlfriend home – I’d be worried about her.”
“It isn’t fair. You’re being a good bf making sure she gets home safe, but it will look bad.”
“I’m sorry, friend. You’re in a s**t position. You are doing everything right…”
“Have you talked to her when you are both sober about the position she is putting you in?” – kai7yak
“Do you realize how dangerous that can be for you? Walking with a grown woman with the ability to walk/impulse of a toddler isn’t safe in traffic not to mention a stranger might accuse you of trying to take advantage of a drunk girl.”
“Sit down and have a conversation with your girlfriend. If these nights are going to be that contentious in your relationship, it might be time to reconsider.” – Icy_Perception_69
Though his girlfriend did not take his new plans well, the subReddit thought the OP was totally right to protect himself. Not only were these weekend nights out probably not fun for him at all, but the OP could wind up in a compromised position.
Though he might want to work out some kind of system to ensure his girlfriend was also safe, it sounds like doing different things on the weekend might be for the best, if not calling it quits on the relationship all-together.