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Bride Blasts Friend’s Controlling Boyfriend For Ruining Bachelorette Trip With His Constant Calls

Group of happy female friends cheering with their arms raised while wearing swimwear at the beach.

Not approving of a loved one’s significant other can be a difficult situation.

Everyone hopes everyone they know will find love.

But at what expense?

When is it the right time to step in and speak up against a loved one’s choice of partner?

Redditor IcyIncrease1461 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for texting my friend’s boyfriend telling him that he ruined my bachelorette party?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m getting married in the fall and got back from my bachelorette party yesterday.”

“There were 10 girls plus one guy who is gay.”

“We went to an Airbnb in a major American city on the ocean and spent our time relaxing by the water and on a boat.”

“We went out clubbing once, but that was it.”

“One of my best friends since high school ‘Lindsay’ has been dating ‘Rob’ for 2 years.”

“About a year and a half ago, Rob converted to Islam.”

“This has caused a strain in their relationship because he has grown increasingly controlling and judgmental since then.”

“I love Lindsay but she’s always been insecure and lets guys walk all over her.”

“I guess she had to beg Rob to ‘allow’ her to even go on this trip.”

“Rob is VERY against alcohol and general party scenes.”

“Here is some of what we dealt with.”

“I felt HORRIBLE for Lindsay during all of this.”

“I would say like clockwork he called her every 90 minutes to 2 hours.”

“There were multiple times she stepped out of whatever we were doing to talk to Rob on the phone for half an hour.”

“She avoided being in group pics for the most part.”

“We took one of all of us on the boat and she freaked out to the whole group to please not post it anywhere because Rob would freak out knowing she wore a two-piece without him there.”

“I did snoop on her phone, which I regret when she left it out, and it was blowing up with texts from Rob.”

“I saw the horrible disgusting things Rob was saying.”

“I posted a pic of me and two other bridesmaids on the boat and we happened to be in bikinis because we were on a boat.”

“He screenshotted it and sent it to Lindsay, basically calling us wh*res, slu*s, fat, drunks, saying he’s disgusted by who Lindsay surrounds herself with us.”

“He said she is going to embarrass him in front of his religious community, too.”

“He insulted MY fiancé.”

“Apparently my fiancé is not a man because he lets me wear bikinis and drink alcohol.”

“He also had quite a bit to say about our gay friend as well.”

“When we got back, I texted him a very long message about what I thought of his actions.”

“I said ruined the weekend because of how he tried to control Lindsay the whole time.”

“I could tell why she was off all weekend because he was saying horrible things to her.”

“He apologized to me but did say he cannot help that the way we choose to live is against his religion and can’t stand to see the woman he loves ‘delve into sin’ and said that he tried to tell her she shouldn’t go.”

“I insulted him and his perceived manhood.”

“I’m not going to go into much more detail here due to content control, but I went off.”

“Lindsay has told me that I should have let her handle it and now things are so much worse for her.”

“He’s saying things like she needs to cut all of us out, especially me, for disrespecting him.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“This is a mischaracterization of abusive relationships.”

“OP is NTA; however, her efforts likely did more harm than good.”

“Moving forward, she should talk to Lindsay about how she deserves to feel safe and loved in her relationship.”

“Rob will find a way to isolate her further.”

“Lindsay is not to blame here.”

“She needs a friend who will support her when she’s ready to leave.”

“That’s a hard role to play, so it’s not required of OP, but if you truly want to help her, you can help her survive now and build up to leaving.” ~ ruralmoralist

“NTA for being upset.”

“But you should be upset with Lindsay.”

“Rob is a controlling, misogynist, homophobic a**hole, but Lindsay failed to handle it.”

“She’s the one who took all of his calls.”

“Lindsay has to decide if she is willing to live with this man’s completely unacceptable behavior.”

“If Lindsay had grown a spine and either turned her phone off, blocked Rob, or finally broken up with him, your trip wouldn’t have been ruined.” ~ Consistent-Leopard71

“I will add that OP probably made things worse for Lindsay, as she now is stuck trying to defend another of her friend’s actions further.”

“OP should be supporting Lindsay, telling her she is worried for her, that she’s losing herself, that she deserves better.”

“There is no one who has EVER successfully ended an abusive relationship by meddling and inserting themselves except when they can do so as a guardian (i.e. if it’s a minor).”

“The ONLY person who can end an abusive relationship is one of the two parties, and the only way to help them is by supporting them and encouraging them to leave.”

“Interfering will just make it harder for Lindsay to get away and will make the abuser more controlling, and will make Lindsay feel like she has no one to turn to because friends like OP consider her a failure (that’s how she will see it).” ~ InfinMD2

“Honestly, this sounds like the type of situation where I’d be like ‘If you need a place to stay to leave him, f**king LEAVE HIM NOW, and come live with me for a couple of months while you find a new place.'”

“This guy is a toxic ticking time bomb.”

“S**t, it sounds like this bomb already went off.”

“Do everything you can to get your friend away from this psychopath.”

“This is not what Islam preaches.”

“If he thinks what he’s doing is for his religion, he is sorely and disgustingly wrong. NTA.” ~ cheeseburgerwaffles

Some Redditors had a different perspective…

“Well, that’s even more reason not to verbally attack him – he’s going to take it out on her.”

“Your focus needs to be on supporting your friend and letting her know that you’re there for her.”

“You cannot force her to break up with this guy, but it sounds like he wants to isolate her completely.”

“He sounds somewhat verbally and emotionally abusive.”

“You need to tread carefully for your friend’s safety.”

“Also, you had absolutely no f**king business going through her phone.”

“You’re an a**hole and horrible friend for that alone. YTA.” ~ cognac_lilac_fumes

“Agree, OP is AH because she snooped on her friend’s phone AND called him out for things that he thought were private.”

“Don’t get me wrong, the guy who converted is a much bigger AH, but in this situation, you have made it much worse for your friend.”

“Much worse. I wouldn’t expect the friendship to last much longer unless the friend breaks it off with the religious and overall controlling and disrespectful boyfriend.” ~ Interesting-Fail8654

“YTA. In abuse situations, you need to be aware of the effect your actions will have.”

“Your texts likely caused Rob to flip out on your friend and abuse her more— not ok.”

“Your focus should be on showing Lindsey she is in an abusive relationship and she needs to get out—trying to talk to Rob or tell him off only makes things worse.” ~ Wish_Many

Reddit continued with NTA for the most part…

“NTA. I’m uncomfortable questioning anyone’s religious conversion.”

“However it is always disturbing to see people who already have problematic views on women’s freedom/ rights, who are super controlling, use conversion to a very austere form of religion as a tool to control their S[ignificant] O[ther]… as well as a shield against accusations of abuse.

“It seems like the boyfriend was already a controlling AH who’s now using his religion as a cloak for his abusive behavior.”

“By the way your friend is not married.”

“So I’m assuming they’re both completely abstinent until they’re married right?”

“I mean, it would be exceedingly full of s**t for someone to throw a fit over drinking alcohol or wearing a bikini when they’re engaging in sex out of wedlock, which is a far bigger sin 🤷‍♂️.” ~ IsopodOrdinary1163

“NTA. She needs to cut him out.”

“It doesn’t matter what religion he is or converts to, that’s HIS choice which set of rules HE chooses to follow.”

“He does NOT get to demand everyone else follows his rules.”

“If he does not agree with his partner’s/friend’s beliefs, he needs to stop and leave well enough alone.”

“He needs to respect other people, believe other things, and have the same rights he does.”

“Instead of shaming you all for what you were wearing, he needs to shame others for leering at you.”

“He sounds abusive af and your friend may need somewhere safe to go.”

“Please do not let him force her to cut contact.” ~ ConfusionPossible590

“NTA. Rob is using his religion to control, judge, and be abusive.”

“I don’t know this is tough cuz Rob could end up making Lindsay choose – him or you.” ~ Reasonable_Bit_5230

“NTA. Religion is like a penis.”

“It’s ok to have one.”

“It’s ok to be proud of it.”

“It’s not ok to wave it in traffic.”

“Rob is waving it in traffic.” ~ Mountianman1991

“NTA. Lindsey needs to stop being a doormat and leave this guy.”

“Walking red flag!”

“Being need to stop using religion to justify they being a**holes.” ~ UglyDucky_00

Well, OP, most of Reddit is with you.

Yes, snooping isn’t an ideal way to learn the truth, but it is what it is.

You care about Lindsay.

And you choose to defend yourself.

But maybe talking to Lindsay privately would have been the best course of action.

Good luck with the wedding.