Though the event itself is meant to commemorate a joyous milestone and life-long commitment to love, weddings can be stressful for everyone involved.
Most loved ones want to help out as much as they possibly are able, but everyone has limits to what they can contribute both physically and financially.
So when a Redditor was asked to purchase a wedding dress for their sister not once, but twice, they were baffled when others took the bride’s side despite the financial strain it would cause, so they turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor DaintyDovelet asked:
“AITAH for refusing to pay for my sister’s wedding dress after she changed her mind?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister and I have always been close, so when she asked me to pay for her wedding dress, I agreed without hesitation.”
“She picked out a stunning dress, and I paid for it upfront as a wedding gift.”
“However, a few weeks later, my sister called me in tears.”
“She said she had changed her mind about the dress and wanted to return it, but the store’s policy didn’t allow refunds on custom orders.”
“She asked me to cover the cost since I paid for it.”
“I sympathized with her situation but explained that I couldn’t afford to pay for another dress.”
“She became upset, accusing me of ruining her wedding plans.”
“Now our family is divided, with some saying I should have helped her out and others agreeing that it wasn’t my responsibility.”
“So, Reddit, AITAH?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation, and most declared OP was not the a**hole (NTA), many acknowledging that buying the initial dress in the first place was more than generous.
“No, you’re not the a**hole for refusing to pay for the dress again; you already generously paid for it once as a gift.” – GlimmerrGemm
“NTA. You originally agreed to pay for your sister’s wedding dress as a gift, and you fulfilled that commitment.”
“Her change of mind doesn’t negate your gift, especially considering the dress was a custom order with a no-refund policy.”
“It’s unfortunate she’s upset, but your financial boundaries are reasonable and should be respected.” – lovelylisa021
“Wow. You gave a generous gift.”
“And now she expects you to give another gift because she – picked a dress, but then changed her mind?”
“She picked it – and she changed her mind. This is 100% on her.”
“I’d take the dress and resell it online – someone would be glad to have it.” – sjyffl
“NTA – Wedding dresses are expensive and you were more than generous to pay for the first one. You are not obligated to pay for a second one for your entitled sister.” – MamasSweetPickels
“NTA. A gift doesn’t come with strings attached for every change of heart.”
“The initial gesture was incredibly generous on your part. Having to bankroll a change of taste is simply not part of the deal.”
“Wedding planning stress can sometimes cloud judgment, but it does not necessitate additional financial support for every new decision.”
“Stick to your plan and let the bridal party know that while you’re sorry she’s upset, your gift has already been given.”
“If they’re so concerned, then maybe they can organize an effort to cover the new dress.” – HazelMitchell29
Others suggested those giving OP a hard time about the situation could fork over a little to cover the cost.
“NTA”
“Tell her to sell the original dress on eBay and whatever she makes, she gets that money towards the new dress.”
“Any shortfall can be met by the guys who are calling you out.” – RaddishSlaw
“Tell the people who said you should have helped her out: it‘s easy to offer someone else‘s money.”
“If you think it‘s important that we help, how much are you willing to pitch in since I already paid for a whole dress?“
“Guess what? That will immediately shut them up.”
“NTA” – ExtendedSpikeProtein
“NTA”
“It was incredibly generous of you to have paid for her wedding dress.”
“And she does, in fact, have a wedding dress you paid for.”
“If she would like to have a SECOND wedding dress, then that’s all her.”
“If anyone tries to get you to pay for it, then tell them THEY are welcome to buy her a second wedding dress, but you are no able to pull the funds together for another such expense.”
“Stand your ground.”
“Your sister is wild for suggesting you buy her ANOTHER dress.”
“She needs to put in the work to sell the one she has to fund a second one.” – JustAsICanBeSoCruel
“NTA.”
“Tell your family to refund you the exact amount, and then you can buy her the new dress she wants.”
“Problem solved. 😁” – Alfred-Register7379
“You have paid for and given your gift, the one SHE wanted.”
“You did not ruin her wedding. She ruined it herself by picking the wrong dress.”
“Anyone saying you should pay for it tell them that they are more than welcome to pay for it themselves.” – RandomSupDevGuy
“Your sister’s an arsehole.”
“Thank anyone saying you should pay for another wedding dress, they just volunteered to do it themselves.” – Opposite-Fortune-
“The family that thinks she is in the right can chip in to cover the cost.” – Bookworm1008
“NTA. Those family members are welcome to pay for it themselves.” – Double_Jeweler7569
“NTA. Your sister seems awfully comfortable with spending someone else’s money.”
“The family members on her side, probably also feel entitled to other people’s money.”
“At least now you know that about them.”
“Tell them they should pay for it, it’s just helping her out.'” – MamaNyxieUnderfoot
Several also believe OP’s sister is being quite unreasonable – and dramatic – in her demand.
“Your sister sucks….you spent so much on one dress already and she doesn’t even want to wear what you bought her the first time around….my response back would honestly be:”
“Buy it yourself….you ungrateful b*tch” – Dieing_Breed
“Her wedding plans were fine with the original dress.”
“Nothing is wrong about the original dress. Only she saw another one.”
“That does not mean the first dress is suddenly changed to something unacceptable.”
“It is still the same dress that was perfect two weeks ago.”
“She can change her dress twice every day if she pays for it.”
“But this is a stupid whim, and how can you ‘ruin’ her wedding with a perfectly perfect dress?” – RedditredRabbit
“NTA. Has your sister always been this entitled?” – Turbulent_Ebb5669
“NTA, what the hell?”
“What if she changes her mind again… you’re on the bill every time?”
“Not like wedding dresses are cheap, either.” – BigGingerYeti
“I’m sorry but if your family is divided over paying for a wedding dress they all need to go into the real world and see what is happening in real life.”
“It’s a dress. That will get worn once. “
“Honestly.” – BadgeringforHoney
“Nta. You did pay for a dress.”
“I’m pretty sure at the store the bride-to-be said yes.”
“If you could have returned and gotten a refund, that’s a whole different situation.”
“However, you have upheld your obligation, and you should not pay for the second dress.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you end up not being invited.” – Devi1doc
“NTA She asked you to pay for her wedding dress, you did so.”
“If she wants a second one, that’s her choice, not your responsibility.”
“Tell her to sell first one then use that money to help pay for second but you’re not helping.”
“Why was she still looking if she already made the choice?” – wlfwrtr
“NTA.”
“It isn’t your fault she changed her mind.”
“Ultimately, it’s the bridal shop’s “fault” for having the no return on customs policy 🤷🏾”
“You couldn’t have ruined her plans because you had no idea she’d want a different dress.” – SpoilGoddessRo
“NTA. Your sister is greedy & entitled — if your parents support her obnoxious, ridiculous request they are 50% of an ugly problem.”
“Maintain your dignity — no more gifts or favors, period, until she becomes a grateful, mature adult.”
“It will be a long wait.” – bumbalarie
“NTA sister is just being delusional.”
“My younger sister is my best friend and I am making her wedding dress and paid for all the material as one of my wedding gifts to her.”
“We have had to make changes throughout the process but those don’t cost anything but time, and on top of all that we have not involved anyone else in the process, so if we have any disagreements there aren’t any ‘flying monkeys’ getting up in our business.” – Auntie_FiFi
“The audacity of your sister to even think that, let alone ask you to do a generous thing…twice.”
“Wtaf. You’re nta.”
“Your sister is though. 🤦♀️” – Mommywithnotime
“Why TF would you ever, in a million years, be on the hook for TWO wedding dresses for your sister?!?!”
“Her entitlement and anger over your refusal to pony up for the second – AND the negative judgment of some family members – would seriously make me go NC with them.”
“Your sister’s reaction is borderline unforgivable.”
“She’s rude and ungrateful as hell – and a b*tch” – Feisty-Business-8311
According to fellow Redditors, OP had every right to deny their sister’s request for a new dress.
Unfortunately for the OP, however, it sounds like they still have a tough conversation and a quickly approaching wedding to get through.