Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, often bringing family together for the first time after a long absence. But sometimes there’s a good reason why the whole family hasn’t been in the same place at the same time.
Still, a big occasion sometimes leads to people setting aside even really good reasons for low or no contact and extending an invitation. At times, it’s the opportunity to mend fences.
Other times, it’s a great reason to build higher walls.
A newlywed turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after an unfortunate run in with her in-laws during her wedding.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
ScoopityWoopers asked:
“AITAH for humiliating my father-in-law (FIL) at my wedding dinner?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Me and my husband got married in the courthouse last week after being together for 6 1/2 years. Nothing fancy, but truly the happiest day of my life.”
“I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that, but glad I was wrong. We only had our parents at the actual courthouse and planned a larger dinner party later in the night.”
“We didn’t exactly do speeches, but we decided to read our vows in front of all our friends and family. I went first, and I’ll be honest—I’m a yapper and a crier.”
“In the moment, I had no idea how long my speech was, but I’m told it lasted around 6-7 minutes. I just had so much love I wanted to share in that moment that I frequently strayed from what I originally wrote and went on tangents.”
“My FIL then proceeded to get up, walk across the room, take the mic, and say to the party ‘try and keep it short, deary’. They were my VOWS, and my husband’s lasted about 5 minutes compared to my 6-7 minutes.”
“Who takes the mic from a bride during her vows? I just scoffed and said, ‘well, I guess you would have the authority on short things’.”
“The room burst into laughter.”
“Now context: my father-in-law is ~60 years old and 5’3″ tall. He put 5’6″ on his license, but I think the DMV just pitied him too much to correct it. He quite literally has the body of a 12-year-old boy.”
“We have not had a great relationship with my husband’s parents. In fact, he was completely no-contact with his mother for 5 of the 6 years we’ve been together.”
“I talked my husband into inviting them to the wedding because I do value the sentiment of them being there for his big day. My husband brought up the idea and had the final say in whether or not they were invited.”
“I definitely didn’t force him.”
“I’ve always said that I will not be the one to come between him and his family, but I will support him no matter what. He admitted he was sad about them not attending after seeing my parents involvement with the wedding.”
“I will admit that I should’ve just reassured him that me and my family will be his support system through all of this, and shouldn’t have even entertained disturbing the peace. I take responsibility in that, but at the end of the day, he did agree to invite them.”
“My FIL initially waved his hand and just sat back down. I assumed he took the joke like a champ, and that was the end of it. I was truly on cloud nine that night.”
“As we were saying goodbye, I noticed that my FIL and MIL were already gone. Oh, well, they have animals at home and had a long drive.”
“I sent a quick text in the group chat, ‘Hey! Sorry, we missed your exit! Thank you so much for coming, it meant the world 🙂 Hope you had a great night!’.”
“The next morning, he calls me and explodes. He’s screaming, he’s cursing, he’s calling me names.”
“At a point, I just had to hang up because I was just being berated. I genuinely didn’t even know what he was upset about at first.”
“He then shows up to our apartment to continue his tirade, saying I humiliated him and I should be ashamed for disrespecting him in front of all those people. My husband wasn’t home, so I was just kinda stunned at this point.”
“I could barely get a word out before he just stormed off. He’s now blocked up on everything and won’t speak to us.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation:
“I made a joke during my wedding vows after my FIL told me to ‘keep it short’ when he himself is 5’3″ tall.”
“The kicker is, he was smiling after I made the joke! He was conversing with family when I saw him on and off over the next 3 hours, and a few people did Irish goodbyes that night.”
“I genuinely didn’t think it was as big of a highlight.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors had mixed reactions to the OP’s situation because of the OP’s statement that they talked their husband into inviting his parents.
“NTA for the joke but, honestly, this feels like karma for forcing your spouse to invite his parents when there was a good reason they were no contact.” ~ Elegant-Analyst-7381
“Let people make the decisions about inviting their own parents. If you have to cajole someone into seeing their parents, chances are there are some very good reasons for it. Like, say, an explosive temper.” ~ Aylauria
“You’re NTA, but you absolutely should not have insisted on your spouse inviting his parents, knowing that he doesn’t have a great relationship with them, and frankly, I think you’re lucky that it didn’t turn out worse.” ~ MikeyFX
“OP’s husband has known his mother and father a lot longer and if they were too toxic for him to have contact with for multiple years, that should have been a clue for OP. Hopefully this experience will teach OP not to value the ‘sentiment’ of something over actual experiential wisdom of a loved one.” ~ Jovon35
“As someone who’s no contact with her mom and mom’s done her best to make sure that will last both our lifetimes—some people should have never had kids in the 1st place.”
“We would both be better off for it. And yeah, I understand that means I wouldn’t exist. Better than being her daughter.”
“People with good parents need to stop assuming we all have kind and loving parents. And that their cruelty is a one-off. It’s more like ‘every chance she gets’.”
“Some of us just have bullies and will never know what motherly (or fatherly) love feels like.”
“It’s bad enough growing up in that environment.”
“But the bullying never really ends when every person who finds out you had to cut your parent out just says ‘but family…’ and tries to make you feel bad about it. It’s not an easy decision.” ~ username__0000
“I’d say ESH. OP shouldn’t get a free pass for forcing her husband to invite his parents. It was his wedding too, and he knows his parents better than OP.”
“I wonder if this was a one-off, or if OP has a habit of forcing her wishes/opinions on him.” ~ PrideofCapetown
“Honestly, serves you right for forcing your husband’s boundary because YOU value the sentiment…’he was completely no-contact with his mother for 5 of the 6 years we’ve been together. I talked my husband into inviting them to the wedding because I do value the sentiment of them being there for his big day…’.”
“I’m sure your husband values his peace, and you just uprooted that to fulfill your own needs.” ~ Basic_Perception3239
Some felt there might be another reason her father-in-law was so upset.
“Was it just me who thought you were insinuating your father-in-law had a small penis?” ~ Odd_Knowledge_2146
“I’m sure that’s why he was so offended, because that’s how I took it, even after the height was mentioned.” ~ makeupnmunchies
“No, it wasn’t just you. I had the same thought exactly. And I wondered how she knows how long his dick is.” ~ These-Maize4619
“Same, (and even though he was a bit rude saying ‘Keep it short, deary,’ but her ‘joke’ seemed ruder than what he said). I mean I can understand both sides, but still.” ~ Virtual-Alarm9691
“I don’t think that OP necessarily meant that, but for sure FIL made the association. He’ll have heard those jokes more than once before.” ~ KombuchaBot
“100% what I thought, or that he doesn’t last long in bed.” ~ Past_Raccoon2629
“She said ‘short’ though, so I thought she was referring to how long he can perform in bed.” ~ MattDaveys
“A common thought would be in reference to penis size, yet in the case of being only 5’3” tall, this man has been harassed his whole adult life about his short stature.” ~ Overall-Injury-7620
Big public events like weddings might not be the best venue for a reconciliation of a truly contentious relationship.
Maybe start smaller, like brunch.