Rules are rules.
So what happens when someone thinks that they are above them?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Sad_Subject2779 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“WIBTA for not inviting my parents or siblings to my wedding after what they said.”
Joyous news.
“My (25F) fiancé (28M) and I are planning our dream wedding but want to keep it small.”
“From the get go, my fiancé and I both said that we do not want any children at our wedding due to a number of reasons.”
“We want to get married in the bush somewhere where wild animals roam freely, and the age limit is 16 and up. (This is non-negotiable because small children are at risk -Venue requirements)”
“We both know from personal experiences that one person always ends up looking after the children and do not enjoy the wedding.”
“We want to have just adults at the wedding so that we can celebrate the day properly.”
The problem.
“My parent and siblings explicitly stated that my nieces and nephews will be REQUIRED to go to the wedding, and I have no choice in this matter.”
“My dad even went as far to say that if my nephew will not be allowed to go, he will then also not go.”
“This broke my heart as I am the only girl in the family, and now he doesn’t want to even attend.”
“My brothers said, ‘I do not care what she wants. My children WILL be there’.”
“Take into consideration that all my nieces and nephews are under the age of 7.”
“My fiancé’s family has been super supportive and respects our wishes of not having any children at the wedding.”
“They even made arrangements up until this point to have the little ones taken care of.”
“Now I am honestly considering not inviting my parents anymore because they are forcing me to do something that is not part of our wishes.”
“I love them all dearly, but I feel they don’t want to make the sacrifice for me and my fiancé’s big day. As I ultimately mean, it us getting married and not them.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So WIBTA for telling them that I will not be inviting them as they want to rather spend the day with their grandchildren than celebrate the day with me?”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
OP’s family was judged.
“NTA.”
‘”My parent and siblings explicitly stated that my nieces and nephews will be REQUIRED to go to the wedding, and I have no choice in this matter.'”
“Remarkable. I don’t know what else to say.”
“‘My brothers said ‘I do not care what she wants, my children WILL be there”‘.
“They really are the gift that keeps on giving.” ~ diminishingpatience
“They want a free meal and to show off how perfect they are.” ~ LeslieJaye419
“‘I do not care what she wants. My children WILL be there.'”
“Bro it’s her wedding not yours lmao neither your children NOR YOU can be there if she doesn’t invite your entitled a*s😂” ~ okredditor257
“‘My parent and siblings explicitly stated that my nieces and nephews will be REQUIRED to go to the wedding and I have no choice in this matter.'”
“Lol, yeah, you DO have a choice. HE doesn’t.”
“‘My brothers said ‘I do not care what she wants, my children WILL be there'”.
“Ummmm NO.”
“Bro does NOT get to overrule you or the venue rules. How arrogant of him.”
“We want to get married in the bush somewhere where wild animals roam freely, and the age limit is 16 and up. (This is non-negotiable because small children are at risk -Venue requirements)
THIS is the only reason you have to give them. If they won’t abide by it, tell them they’re uninvited because they’re not going to cause drama on your wedding day.”
“NTA for you. Your family are TA” ~ Stormiealways
Nevermind the safety concerns.
“Disturbing that they’re so desperate to provide the wild animals with a snack…. NTA” ~ FrostFlower-
“Exactly!”
“u/Sad_Subject2779 you should ask them why they’re so set on putting their kids in danger. Don’t they care about their safety?” ~ griffinicky
The Venue.
“If the venue requires everyone t be over 16, then the venue won’t allow them in. It’s beyond yours and their control. So they can try and bring them, but it means they won’t be allowed in the venue.”
“They are not respecting your wishes or the venue.” ~ queenofwasps
“I was going to say- let them try to show up, and then the venue turns them away.”
“Problem solved” ~ 22Margaritas32
“NTA (assuming you’re paying for the wedding yourself). Just say, as cheerfully as possible:”
‘”Sorry, brother/dad/etc. We’re not having children under 16 due to venue requirements and safety issues.'”
‘”If this means you can’t attend the wedding, we understand and hope to celebrate with you some other time.”’
“Now, if your dad is paying for some or all of the wedding, you have to abide by his rules and let him have some control over the guest list.”
“If you’re paying for it yourself, then you have full reign over the guest list.” ~ analyst19
“If the venue doesn’t allow it, the venue doesn’t allow it.”
“Book the venue, and tell your family it’s out of your hands; the venue is very strict on no children who are young and dumb enough to wind up drop-kicked by a f*cking kangaroo. Period.” ~ OccamsJello
“Since the rules of the venue require everyone to be 16+, would they be refused entry if they tried to bring their children?”
“I would make sure that your family knows that if they try to show up with their kids, they will not be allowed to enter and would have to turn around and go back home.”
“Also, you have the right to have a child-free wedding if you want to, whether or not the venue allows it.”
“Congratulations!!” ~ Major_Zucchini5315
No is still a full sentence.
“NTA.”
“The bride and groom don’t need any reason other than ‘we want a child-free wedding.'”
“It is YOUR wedding.”
“It’s too bad that your family is being such pills about this, but heck, if you’re getting married in a venue that doesn’t allow kids under 16, the problem sort of solves itself right?”
“Stick to your guns.”
“This mindset of some people, that children should just be accepted everywhere, no matter what is toxic as all get out.”
“(Mom and grandma here, grown kids, several grandkids).”
“People have a right to enjoy things child-free if they want to.” ~ canvasshoes2
“NTA”
“Your wedding , your rules”
“But did you tell them that it’s not that you just don’t wants kids there, but that kids AREN’T allowed to be there for safety measure ?”
“To be totally honest if you have already tell them that, then your family isn’t the smartest.” ~ Fenrir426
“No, that is ridiculous.”
“They don’t need to fight for their grandkids.”
“This is about control.”
“It’s your freakin wedding. They are pissed you are setting a boundary.”
“Little kids don’t care about weddings.”
“Your family is stomping on your boundaries and simply thinks they can tell you what to do, and they are pissed and throwing a temper tantrum that you are not capitulating to their ridiculous demand.”
“Your dad saying he won’t go to his daughter’s wedding because a kid isn’t invited is indicative of a larger problem. You are an adult.”
“He doesn’t get to make the rules and dictate your life.”
“Your dad has control issues. This is about his ego, and your brother has issues too.” ~ StayJaded
Not everyone was on OP’s side.
“YTA”
“You are having a wedding on a separate continent and decided to have child-free wedding.”
“What parent is going to burn their vacation days (two of which will be spent on getting there and back if not more) to go to expensive child-free wedding in another country on another continent when they have small kids?!”
“I don’t blame them for not going.” ~ FinancialBirthday150
“YTA for being selfish and choosing a venue that can’t have kids.”
“I’m with your dad, I wouldn’t attend either, invited or not.”
“You sound self-centered.”
“If you really wanted that venue for your wedding, you should just be there with your SO and no one else.”
“Not inviting half the family is going to damage your relationship with them for years to come, and I don’t think that is worth it for a single ‘special’ day.” ~ Content-Fudge489
OP did return with some additional details.
“Forgot to add.”
“My fiancé and I are paying for our whole wedding.”
“Neither the in-laws nor my family us contributing a cent because it’s always a one-sided competition with my mom of ‘They gave this much, and we can only give this, and now we look bad’ or stuff like that so we are avoiding this situation completely”
Rules are there, particularly when dealing with kids, to make sure that everyone is safe.
Really though, throwing a wedding means you get to decide who comes to it.
And who does not.