A bride-to-be planned a date to go wedding dress shopping with her family and never saw the conflict waiting for her.
Part of the reason for the drama is that she now lives in a different state from her family.
She moved ahead with plans after she assumed there would no issue, but she may have been presumptuous.
Curious to seek judgment on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, Redditor Euphoriaj12 asked:
"AITA for making my wedding dress shopping on a day my sister can't go and not changing it."
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I 20 f[female] am getting married to my fiancé 23 m[ale] in October 2025. And my sister 29 f[female] and mom 61f[female] are refusing to go wedding dress shopping with me."
"I recently moved to Georgia and will be having the wedding in Georgia, however the rest of my family lives in Florida. So I choose to go wedding dress shopping in Florida so my family can come with."
"I picked a date to go, November 9th, and cleared it in with my mom and future mother-in-law. However, my sister's husband's birthday is November 10th. So she said it should be okay, but she's not 100% sure yet."
"I took that as she could most likely come since it's not his birthday, and I only need a few hours. This specific weekend is good for me and my fiancé to fly down because he has this specific weekend off for training and no other weekend around this time( we work opposite schedules)."
"I wanted him to come to Florida with me not to go to the appointment, but so I could have him by my side otherwise and share the excitement. I also wanted us to fly down together so we could visit each other's families."
The OP continued:
"However when I called today and told my sister and mom the plan they started yelling at me, they said my sisters husband has his birthday weekend that weekend. I said it should be fine because it is the day before his actual birthday."
"They told me they might want to take a trip for his birthday weekend and that I need to change my date. I told them why can't they go the weekend before or after or maybe just leave later in the day for the trip."
"They told me to change it and I said no because I cleared it with both of them and there didn't seem to be a problem, and that my fiancé can't come down with me any other time."
"They both screamed and cried, telling me I was making my sister choose between her husband and me and telling me I was being selfish; my mother then said she was not going dress shopping with me that day and I could just go by myself."
"She then hung up on me and texted me this:
'This weekend should be all about the girls. You should pick a weekend you know everyone can go. Not say this is the day and f'k you if you can't go.'
'You can choose any other weekend. You're not considering other people's feelings. Your sister really wants to go. And it could be that her husband doesn't even want to go. But when you're doing something that involves several people, you have to consider them as well. Or just do the whole damn thing by yourself.'
The OP added:
"My sister has since texted me and told me she can go on the 9th now but I'm hurt by it and don't even know if I want them to go anymore."
"This isn't the first time they did this, they also complained because I'm having my wedding on Halloween and that it's inconsiderate to my niece which might want to go trick or treating that day(she is 4) ."
"I told my sister she didn't have to go and she is an adult who can make her own decisions. Am I the a**hole?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"NTA; you set a date, they said Ok, then they changed their plans. Your family are total AHs here, and you should point out that they already agreed and that you spent money based on their agreement, and if they want you to change the date, they need to pay for your expenses to do so." – MarathonRabbit69
"OP made the plans, communicated them, and her sister wasn't clear about her availability at first. It's not selfish to stick with a date that works for her and her fiancee." – kellycapricex
"Holy f'k, NTA. Your mom and sister have lost their minds."
"Do not respond to your mom. Your sister has already said she can make the 9th. Great! Respond to her, 'Awesome news! See you then.' "
"Your mother owes you an apology. If she decides to honour you with her presence, she should be doing so with a full and sincere apology. If not, enjoy the day with your future MIL and sister." – thegloracle
"NTA. Is this a one-off or standard behavior? If it's standard behavior, start distancing yourself from these two, they be toxic."
"Take a hard look at this. Is that 'crazy' feeling a lifetime of walking on eggshells to not set them (especially mom) off? Do you always feel like you are the problem (because they tell you that)?"
"This entire post reads as straight-up emotional abuse. They set you up as a power play. Sis's plans in no way impacted your mom's availability. She is just throwing a tantrum. Adults do not scream and cry to get their way."
"Her text is all about how you are the problem and how they are the victims. She also called you selfish. She berated you for not planning around others when that is specifically what you did. These are all classic abusive behaviors."
"Abuse is not only physical. Mental abuse can be very damaging."
"You're not the problem. Abusers do not accept boundaries because that gives you control, not them. Abusers make their victims the problem to 'justify' the abuse."
"There is this thing called 'normalization.' When a child is abused systematically, it becomes all they know. They begin to accept it as normal and no longer question if it is right or wrong. They begin to think all families are like theirs."
"It is difficult to break out of that. It is hard for the abused to realize they are the victim because abusers flip the script so they look like the victims."
"Disclaimer, not a therapist. I just lived through two abusive parents and a toxic extended family." – WhereWeretheAdults
"OP, don't buy a dress in a location where you can't return for fittings and alterations. It's not going to be good for you, especially when added to the stress of dealing with your VERY difficult family. NTA." – everellie
"NTA. your mom sounds insufferable. you are already bending over backwards to dress shop in florida, and you cleared the date with them beforehand. them gaslighting you and calling you selfish and forcing you to go alone is manipulative. you DID make sure everyone could go!" – hotguysarehot
"NTA uninvite them dress shopping and go with your mother in law and any bridesmaids. Also consider not have your pick me sister in the wedding party she is going to make it about her."
"Let your mom know you took her generous advice and decided they should NOT come to the dress shopping because r their schedule is more important. Send your brother in law a text wishing him the happiest birthday ever that morning." – New_Day684
"NTA. You've made reasonable efforts to accommodate your family by traveling to Florida for dress shopping and choosing a date that fits your and your fiancé's busy schedules."
"Your sister initially said she could probably make it, and the appointment isn't even on her husband's actual birthday. It's understandable that you want your fiancé to be there for the trip, and you're not asking for much time from your sister."
"Their reaction—yelling and refusing to go—seems unfair and overblown. You're not forcing your sister to choose between her husband and you, as there are ways to balance both. It's your wedding, and it's important to stick to plans that work for you, especially when you've tried to include everyone."
"You're not being selfish; you're simply prioritizing what works best for your life and relationship." – EmiOA
"Woah. These sound like people you may not want around for much of the wedding planning (hope I'm wrong). NTA for refusing to change the date as it's not a refusal, it's a matter of availability. Idk if I'd exclude them now that your sister is available."
"I think it would make it worse, and you don't need that stress. But if possible, I would talk to them first and let them know there's no wiggle room on dates. You are happy to have them join if it works out for them. But maybe you can't talk to them."
"I couldn't with my mother. In that case, you might want to limit other visits for planning purposes to just your fiancé. Family drama 🙄 Based on this sub, it seems unavoidable at weddings." – Aware_Welcome_8866
Overall, Redditors thought that the wedding dress shopping trumped tentative birthday celebration plans for someone not blood-related and that the day of the nuptials also took priority over her four-year-old niece's trick-or-treating plans.
Redditors also had empathy for the OP given that her family, especially her mother, was being very manipulative.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.