There are dos and don'ts when it comes to weddings. The most basic of which is that it's tacky and rude to propose to someone at someone else's wedding.
That was the understanding Reddit user burnt-toast29 had, anyway. But when the original poster (OP) denied her best friend's girlfriend's request to do just that at OP's wedding, it kicked off something bigger.
Now OP is worried she damaged her best friends' relationship. To find out if she's the bad guy, she decided to ask the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about what went down.
And she never expected to find out so much.
"AITA for spoiling my best friend's proposal?"
It's a lot to take in.
"So I, (27F[emale]) am getting married to my fiancé, (27M[ale]) in a little under three weeks. Everything has been going amazing with the planning, and I'm ecstatic for the day."
"My best friend, 'Cassie', whom I've been friends with since we were 10 years old is my maid of honor. She is truly one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and has stuck with me through everything."
"She's been the biggest help in planning this whole ordeal, and I wouldn't trade her for the world."
"However, I've never been the biggest fan of her girlfriend, 'Sophie'. I always show her respect, and try to include her in things, but she's a huge introvert, and sometimes it can come off as disrespect in return (Cassie's own words)."
"But, they always seem to be very happy together, so I hope she warms up to me a little in time. (They've only been together for a little over a year and a half)."
"Several days ago, Sophie approached me, asking me if I'd be okay if she proposed during my reception. She claimed it would be a great way for Cassie and I to bond more, having our weddings linked and all of that. (Not that we need any more time to bond, she's already my other half)"
"I love Cassie to death, but I'd never allow that for anyone. I shut the idea down immediately, and Sophie got all pissy with me and left."
"She said something along the lines of 'I don't need your permission anyway' and walked out the door. This made me fearful that she'd attempt it anyway, so I went to Cassie."
"Needless to say, Cassie was mad. I never really see her get angry, but she was livid. She apologized profusely, and said she couldn't believe Sophie would ever think of doing something like that, and that was the end of our conversation."
"However, two days ago I got another call from Sophie, berating me for spoiling her plan to propose, and was informed that Cassie would be attending the wedding by herself, and is currently not speaking to her."
"I was concerned that wasn't the entire story, and so I called Cassie. She was a mess, said she was staying with her parents right now, and disinvited Sophie as her plus one because she was scared Sophie would've proposed anyway, given the chance, and she didn't want to ruin my wedding."
"I told her to come stay with me for a while instead, and she showed up several hours later, still a complete mess. She said that her and Sophie had a huge fight, and she was reconsidering whether or not she wanted to stay in this relationship."
"According to Cassie, these huge fights are a common occurrence."
"I feel awful for ruining her proposal, and potentially ruining her relationship. Cassie has been picking herself up in front of me, and continuing to be great with the last minute to-dos, but I've caught her crying while I'm not around."
"I love her, and I don't want her to resent me for this. So I need to know AITA? And is there anything I can do to fix this?"
OP is genuinely concerned for her friend's relationship. But did she go too far?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to let someone else propose at her wedding and ruining a surprise proposal by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Sophie can't seem to understand why what she did was wrong. It's OP's wedding, and she gets to decide if a big moment like that happens.
And OP wouldn't have told Cassie anything if Sophie didn't make it sound like she was going to ignore the request anyway and try to propose.
On this alone, OP is NTA.
"NTA. Sounds like you inadvertently did her a huge favor." - Thequiet01
"Yeah, it sounds like Sophie was going for the public proposal to push Cassie into saying yes." - SunshineandMurder
"NTA, OP."
"If these big fights are a common occurrence, something is potentially very wrong with that relationship. You saying no to allowing a high-pressure public proposal is not going to be what ends it, it'll be Sophie's behavior and their incompatibility."
"I know your wedding is coming. Just try being there for Cassie when you can, and offer to listen when she needs. You guys are besties - you'll make it through this."
"Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials." - Trouble_in_Mind
"Cassie sounds like a complete doll and someone who has always had your back! that is the kinda friend you want to keep in your life forever."
"I suggest you take Cassie out for lunch/drinks etc just the two of you and tell her you know she's hurting (breaking up is always painful even if its right) ask her if there is anything you can do to help her, don't be nasty about her ex just be the same great friend back."
"Let her know that whatever is going on in your life she is still important and you will always be there for her as she is being there for you!"
"Good luck with the wedding hope its everything you wish for and more." - tigerz0973
However, as always, there's more to the story. And it looks like Sophie may be on the outs for good.
OP came back and updated with some new information.
"EDIT:"
"I went to Cassie with all of your comments, and she broke down. We had a long moment in where Cassie finally told me how Sophie really treated her (she hadn't previously, because she didn't want people to hate her girlfriend)."
"I won't share details for Cassie's privacy, but needless to say, I no longer respect Sophie."
"I held her hand as she called Sophie to finally end things. Cassie will be staying with me for a few weeks while we get her things from their shared apartment, and find her a new place to stay (I've even asked her to housesit during our honeymoon, more for her benefit than mine, but I won't share that bit with her.)"
"As many of you have said, I know I'm incredibly lucky to have Cassie in my life, and I'm so glad to be helping her into a new chapter of her life. We will be going out for dinner and drinks tomorrow with my fiancé and a couple of mutual friends (on me of course, as a huge thank you for everything she's done)."
"Thank you all for your kind comments, we'll be sure next time to find Cassie a partner as sweet as she is."
The news was thrilling to the board, who wanted what was best for Cassie.
"NTA"
"Proposing at someone else's wedding is never a good idea and you were right to tell her you didn't want her to."
"Sophie's reaction was way out of line and I don't blame you for going to Cassie to ensure it didn't happen anyway."
"The fights they've been having are on them, including this one. If Sophie can't stay stable in the relationship that was never on you."
"Being the catalyst argument that split them up, I could see why you're feeling a bit guilty, but the last straw is never the only straw. It was gonna happen sooner or later."
"At least now Cassie can move on to a healthier partner and relationship and she has her best friend to help her through it." - associaterogue
"Seeing the edit -- YES, CASSIEEEEEEE! Go Cassie! OP, tell her she's a fucking warrior queen and we all are rooting for her."
"ETA: Also, you are a really great friend." - BogwitchOfTheBog
"NTA. And from the edit, it seems like you know that."
"You obviously weren't the cause of any issues between them. Just the final straw it sounds like."
"As in, maybe Cassie was willing to deal with whatever issues Sophie was causing to herself, but once they were affecting someone she cared about, that's when she puts her foot down."
"Honestly, it's probably a good thing Sophie asked you if she could propose at your wedding because it allowed all this to happen. Allows Cassie to remove that toxicity from her life and move on, even if it's hard right now." - Direct-Decision-5248
OP can move on with her wedding without the worry of a selfish person ruining it, and Cassie can get started healing. As the last commenter said, it looks like Sophie asking to propose was the best thing to happen.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.