The color scheme of a wedding can be a vital component of the event.
Some couples take the color motif very seriously.
Often certain colors are chosen to separate the wedding party from the guests.
This idea can be a bit much for some people to understand and cooperate with.
Redditor Tough_Cap6709 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA FOR TELLING MY DAD’S WIFE NOT TO WEAR THE COLOR BURNT ORANGE OR TEAL ON MY WEDDING DAY?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 35 F[emale] am getting married in a month.”
“I have pretty much done everything myself for my wedding.”
“I wanted it that way so I wouldn’t have a lot of opinions and suggestions.”
“I recently got everyone together so we can go over the wedding day.”
“My Mom and Dad haven’t been together for my whole life.”
“My Dad and his wife recently got married last year and were together a little over 6 months before getting engaged.”
“I had no big issues with her and we got along.”
“I did have some issues with her speaking to my Dad in front of me and just how she treated others but I kept quiet because I didn’t want to not be able to be around my dad.”
“Well, recently there was an issue that occurred at my get-together for the wedding party.”
“There was a comment made about my Mom from my Dad’s wife that wasn’t nice, no one heard but me and my Dad.”
“I was upset and pretty much went off on my Dad.”
“His wife did apologize but I just couldn’t seem to get over it.”
“Well to the point at hand, my bridesmaids will be wearing burnt orange and my fiancé’s mom/my mom will be wearing teal.”
“My Dad’s wife has decided to wear burnt orange.”
“I have asked her to not wear either color because that’s the color of my bridesmaids/Moms.”
“Well, she has an issue because she’s feeling I shouldn’t tell anyone what they can and can’t wear.”
“I said if she didn’t know the colors I would understand but she did and asked not to wear those colors.”
“It has turned into a much bigger issue.”
“She doesn’t understand why I don’t want her to wear the colors of my wedding party.”
“She isn’t a part of the wedding.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. It sounds like she is trying to put herself in the wedding party, at least that’s what she wants people to think.”
“She’s not even going for mother of the bride/groom but full-on bridesmaid.”
“Tell her she knows the colors, has been asked not to wear them, and will not be allowed to attend if she shows up in them.”
“Hire security and follow through.”
“If she shows up in burnt orange, don’t let her in.”
“She is either trying to steal your thunder or insinuate a relationship that doesn’t exist.” ~ Lego_Panda_Bear
“NTA. It’s crude to knowingly wear the bridal party colors after being asked not to wear them.”
“She has literally thousands of options and is intentionally trying to cause issues.”
“She’s throwing a fit because she’s asked to not wear 2 colors?”
“What’s the big deal?”
“I feel as though finding non-bridal party dresswear in those colors is more challenging than not wearing them.”
“She’s throwing a childish tantrum because she has been told no.”
“Tell her if she shows up in the colors she’s uninvited.”
“Who’s your M[aid] O[f] H[onor]?”
“If Dad’s wife shows up wearing the colors maybe the MOH can intercept and kick her out?”
“It may seem dramatic, but I doubt this is going to be the only thing she throws a fit over.” ~ chaenukyun
“Exactly – there are loads of other colors she could choose that would suit her so choosing one of the two colors she was specifically asked not to wear is a deliberate decision.”
“I also agree that it’s much easier to find something that isn’t that particular color – I love orange and burnt orange is quite a specific shade, so it would definitely be easier to find an appropriate outfit in another color.”
“Dad’s wife is definitely either trying to piss OP off or make other guests think she’s in the bridal party.” ~ Hatstand82
“NTA, uninvited her, tell your father his wife acting wired.”
“You don’t want that at your wedding she acts like she is in a competition and not respecting your decision, plus the comment.”
“You don’t want that tell him you don’t want the day of the wedding to embarrass yourself, him and her be kicking her out of the wedding and making drama on your big day.” ~ Extension_Extent9796
“NTA. For most, the invites and relationship with the couple provide the clue of the colors and people sensibly don’t wear them.”
“She’s trying to be perceived as part of the bridal party because she’s insecure.”
“Don’t bother with explaining.”
“’Hi Karine, just to reiterate, you are not to wear the colors of my wedding party.'”
“‘You are not in the party and should not be trying to appear so.'”
“‘If you appear wearing the wedding colors my security will escort you from the premises.'”
“‘This is absolute.'”
“‘I would suggest that brown, plum, and moss gowns are readily available and would blend nicely.'”
“‘I do hope you choose to go that path and attend without further drama. Cheers.'” ~ Viva_Veracity1906
“NTA. Don’t communicate with her anymore.”
“Tell your dad that either she doesn’t wear those colors or his wife will be asked to leave.”
“You can throw in that she’s already disrespected your mom and you won’t be disrespected on your wedding day.”
“Either your dad supports you or he’s out, as well.”
“Be strong. This is a hill to die on.”
“She gets her way now and she’ll get MUCH worse.” ~ mare__bare
“NTA, a wedding is quite literally the place where you can tell people what to wear.”
“It’s your wedding day.”
“People are not supposed to wear colors that match the bridal party if they have already been told.” ~ cryingcandles
“NTA. Your request is perfectly sensible.”
“And it’s not as though she doesn’t have other options.”
“I would be rescinding the invitation.”
“She clearly wants to cause drama, and even if she concedes on the dress color, there’s plenty of other things she can do to ruin your day, especially if she has a habit of being nasty.” ~ Front_Rip4064
“NTA. Turn it around and take yourself out of the equation and make it all about her.”
“Tell her she can wear whatever she wants but part of your concern is that everyone else is going to assume she was trying too hard to be part of the wedding party.”
“She will bring unflattering attention to herself.”
“If she does wear the burnt orange you can ask the photographer to cut her out of group pics.”
“If she asks tell her it looked weird and out of balance with her color choice.” ~ Ok-Adhesiveness-692
“NTA. At a recent wedding and I only realize this now with this post… my friend’s parents are divorced.”
“Her wedding colors were rose pink and dark green.”
“Bridesmaids in pink.”
“Groomsmen wore green vests and pants.”
“Now here’s the A-HA moment.”
“The bride’s mom wore a very dark green dress, her dad wore a dark green tie with a dark grey suit… her stepmom… a pale green dress, her stepdad… pale green tie with a light grey suit.”
“They turned out so cute in pictures.”
“Side note: groom’s mom wore a tinge darker pink dress and his dad’s dark grey suit with pink tie.”
“They still matched the wedding party but not the specific wedding colors.”
“Maybe a peach dress or pale teal?” ~ Passion8turk
“NAH. I’ve never heard of this problem before and I’m sure your dad’s wife is unaware as well.”
“We all know that no one is supposed to wear white except the bride and that all the bridesmaids generally wear the ‘color theme’ set by the bride and groom… but I’ve never heard of banning everyone else from wearing the same color as the bridesmaids.”
“This is not a faux pas I’ve heard of.” ~ East-Salamander-8816
“NTA- she was insinuating herself into the wedding party.”
“She likely understands wedding etiquette.”
“You will have to likely get over it enough to be around her but I won’t do more unless she is normally kind of socially inept.” ~ NeighborhoodOk7460
“NTA. This is a very intentional move by her which is why she’s digging her heels in.”
“It would honestly make me consider rescinding her invitation.”
“I normally don’t like guests being told what to wear but intentionally trying to look part of the wedding part is calculated.” ~ The_Clumsy_Gardener
OP came back to chat…
“I want to answer a few questions below.”
“I have not told all my guests to stay away from these colors.”
“When messaging her I did say if she didn’t know then I would have understood but she did know.”
“Plus I have physically shown my bridesmaid dress to her.”
“She hasn’t purchased the dress yet, so I stated I don’t understand why it’s hard to change the color of the dress when she hasn’t purchased it yet.”
“She stated she is picky and has looked everywhere and it’s difficult to find one.”
“She is my Dad’s wife, not my stepmother.”
“They have been married a little over a year.”
“Just because she is my Dad’s wife, she shouldn’t feel entitled to be a part of my wedding party.”
“When they got married they didn’t want to have their children in the wedding party, I had no issue with it.”
“It was their wedding, not mine.”
“I did have some issues with her, but I always kept quiet because of my Dad.”
“I didn’t want to have that separation, but since the comment about my mom just crossed the line for me.”
“It was the first time they even met, so there shouldn’t have been any issues.”
“My Dad was going to our bachelorette/Bachelor party, but now they aren’t going because of what was said, and they don’t want issues.”
“So that makes me upset because now there are issues.”
“I wasn’t planning on excluding her from any pictures.”
“So that’s pretty much answering all the questions, I think, so let me know your thoughts.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
If she hasn’t purchased the dress, there is no reason she can’t find another one.
It’s your wedding. You’re allowed to make requests.
Maybe if you try to have a calm, serious chat with her, she’ll come around.