Marriage equality for the LGBTQ+ community is not the law of the land in every country.
According to the Human Rights Campaign, 35 countries currently have laws or court rulings recognizing marriage rights for LGBTQ+ people. The majority of the western hemisphere—North and South America—have these protections.
While Europe also has many countries with recognized marriage equality measures, Asia and Africa have almost none.
But in areas where marriage is still restricted to cisgender, heterosexual couples, what options do LGBTQ+ people have?
A woman whose brother felt left out after her wedding, is wondering if she owes her brother a wedding experience.
So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Thro-wa-wa-Y9999 asked:
“AITA for not allowing my brother and his boyfriend to come on my honeymoon?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (25, female) got married to my husband (27, male) almost a year ago. We weren’t able to afford to go on the honeymoon we wanted back then so that’s why we saved up so we could go to Hawaii for our 1 year anniversary.”
“The trip is supposed to happen next month. We mentioned our plans to our family when my brother (23, male) suddenly chimed in saying that Hawaii is a great idea and that him and his boyfriend will join too.”
“I was taken aback when he said that and I told him that this isn’t a random trip. It’s supposed to be our honeymoon.”
“But he said that we could do a double couples honeymoon together so him and his boyfriend can feel the experience of one as well.”
“I told him that if he wants to feel the experience of a honeymoon they can just go on a separate trip instead of hijacking ours.”
“But my brother went off on me saying that I’m selfish for not sharing this experience with him when I know that our country doesn’t allow gay marriage. So he’s never gonna feel the experience of a real honeymoon and this will be as close as he gets.”
“Somehow my parents are now backing him up as well—well, mostly my mom, but my dad usually goes along with her in order to avoid family conflict.”
“Not gonna lie, at this point I feel like giving my brother the wrong location of our honeymoon so there’s no possibility of him and his boyfriend somehow hijacking it.”
“AITA ?”
The OP summed up their predicament.
“I could be the AH for telling my brother that him and his boyfriend aren’t allowed to join me and my husband on our honeymoon.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Your brother wants a ‘honeymoon experience’ but wants to go with another couple?? I don’t know what he thinks honeymoons are for, but my wife and I most definately did not want spectators along on our honeymoon.”
“The very point of the honeymoon is to get 1-on-1 time, just you and your newly wed partner.”
“Your brother can and should most definitely have a honeymoon experience, but by themselves, just the 2 of them, some where far away from you.”
“Don’t tell them the hotel, or your travel dates, or plans for when you are there. And if they already know this stuff, change it if possible without telling them.”
“The only selfish person here is your brother for insisting that your honeymoon go according to his plans. Entitled much?”
“Yeah, hard NTA.” ~ Glint_Bladesong
“NTA. If your brother wants the honeymoon experience, he can go on one. You going alone on your honeymoon doesn’t prevent him from going on an (unmarried) honeymoon with his honey.”
“There are some experiences, like ‘being alone on a vacation with your partner’, that by definition cannot be shared with more than one person. Your person is your husband.” ~ fuzzy_mic
“NTA. You can’t prevent him from going to Hawaii at the same time as you. You can, however, refuse to see them at any point during the trip.”
“All lodging, food, activities, and transportation should be 100% on them alone to arrange for and pay.”
“Refuse to communicate about this anymore.”
“If they show up with no hotel, don’t let them in. They can find a bench to sleep on.” ~ oaksandpines1776
“NTA. They can book a honeymoon package in Hawaii. I’m sure there are places in Hawaii who will give their union respect.”
“I am also certain that there are travel agencies that will gladly accept their money and help them find something that will make them feel safe and comfortable. Honeymoons are couple oriented.”
“You have every right to make that private. They should definitely consider making theirs private as well.” ~ strangetimes198
“NTA, your brother is the a**hole. He can get married in a country that allows it (like I did) or just have a party with family and friends.”
“Also, he can save up and take a vacation to Hawaii some other time. You don’t owe this to him in any way.” ~ 4y4cchi
“I’m curious if the brother would even want to be married to their current partner. Is it a long-term relationship where they live together and plan on spending their lives together, but just can’t make it legally official in their country?”
“Or have they been hooking up for a few months and want a free vacation? It sounds like a situation of ‘that is something I can’t look forward to as a possibility in the future, so you need to give me yours now’.” ~ nervelli
“He can just get married in Hawaii! I’m not sure why he even wants to go with OP.”
“Is it to save money somehow? Does he think they’re all going to room together?”
“Because even if he goes to her exact hotel on the same dates he still needs to pay for his own airfare, rooms, food, etc… I truly don’t understand the logic.” ~ mjot_007
“Time to go no/low info with your vacation plans. Remind all involved, again, that a honeymoon is a solo couple trip, not a group trip.”
“Offer to let your brother replicate your itinerary at a DIFFERENT date. Be adamant that it’s not happening on your trip.”
“This is a hill to die on, a boundary to set. NTA.” ~ PleaseCoffeeMe
“NTA. Does your country also prohibit 2 men going on a vacation together? They can go anywhere they like.”
“Why hijack your honeymoon? And ‘to get the experience of a honeymoon’ is NOT a valid answer.”
“I mean, is he going to demand to be in the delivery room if you ever give birth, because he ‘wants to experience having a child’ as well?” ~ Special_Lychee_6847
“A honeymoon is something you go on just as a couple, to be loved up as a couple. Therefore the ONLY way anyone can have a ‘honeymoon experience’ is to go away as just a couple.”
“If him and his boyfriend go, what you will have is a family vacation/holiday, which isn’t the same thing at all! This is a hill to die on!”
“Do not tell anyone where you are going—which island(s), which hotel(s), or even which activities you’ll do while there. If they ask you, you should say that you aren’t bothering now, that they all ruined the whole idea of it.”
“Then afterwards say you saw a last minute deal you couldn’t pass up. NTA.” ~ Conscious-Arm-7889
“How exactly is hijacking your honeymoon going to give him the ‘real’ honeymoon experience? Is he going to be there for the sex, the romantic dinner for 2, the kissing and cuddling?”
“How is being on your honeymoon going to give him that? I honestly don’t get it.”
“Your brother is being extremely entitled. It sucks that gay marriage isn’t legal where you are, but that doesn’t stop him from going on a romantic trip with his partner.”
“NTA—don’t give him the details of your honeymoon.” ~ Crafty-Gardener
“What the hell do they think happens differently on a honeymoon trip as opposed to a couples’ trip? The very nature of their presence is going to change this from a honeymoon to something else.”
“NTA. But don’t talk anymore about where you’re going in Hawaii. Don’t mention which island.”
“Don’t talk about excursions. Don’t talk about exact dates.”
“Everyone, and I do mean everyone (including friends but especially family), needs to be pit on the old information diet. And yeah, definitely consider a misinformation campaign.” ~ cachalker
“Group text your Mom, Dad and brother, ‘My husband and I have saved for a year to go on a honeymoon together. A honeymoon is ONLY for the couple that is starting their life together so they can enjoy time together as a couple’.”
“‘It is not a group endeavor. If my brother and his partner want to go on a honeymoon then they can jollywell save up for one and go on one on their own dime at the time of their choosing, but they may not come with us on ours. This is ONLY for my husband and I’.”
“Sis, this is the first boundary you need to establish HARD with your parents and brother because if he comes on the honeymoon with you and your husband, I can guarantee your husband will resent it for a VERY, VERY long time.”
“Do not let your parents guilt you into this. Establishing this boundary does not make you selfish. And, just know, if they are willing to push this boundary they will push many other boundaries in the future.” ~ Reddit
While people were sympathetic to the brother’s situation, it didn’t mean they supported him forcing his way into his sister’s honeymoon.
Surely there are better options for everyone involved.