Do parents have a right to know every detail of their adult children's lives?
Or is it acceptable to withhold information?
A sibling turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback over keeping secrets for their sister.
LemonOk776 asked:
"AITA for telling my sister I won't keep lying to our parents about her business trips?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My sister (34) and I (29) have always been close, and about six months ago she asked me for a favor that I agreed to without thinking it through properly."
"She started taking weekend trips a few times a month and asked me to tell our parents, if they ever asked, that she was traveling for work. She said it was easier than explaining the real reason, which she never fully clarified to me either, just that it was personal and she wasn't ready to talk about it with them yet."
"I went along with it a few times because it seemed harmless enough. But it's kept happening, and now our parents have started asking me directly for details, like which company sends her on so many trips, or why her job suddenly requires this much travel when it never did before."
"I've been vague and noncommittal, but I'm running out of ways to dodge specific questions without either making something up on the spot or admitting I don't actually know what's going on."
"Last week, I told my sister I wasn't comfortable continuing this, especially since I don't even know what I'm covering for anymore, and that our parents were starting to ask me pointed questions I couldn't keep deflecting."
"She got upset and said I was going back on something I already agreed to, and that I was making things harder for her by backing out now instead of just sticking with the story a little longer until she figured out how to tell them herself."
"I told her I never signed up to be her permanent cover story, especially not indefinitely and without knowing what I'm actually hiding."
"She said I was being unsupportive and that real siblings wouldn't put a time limit on helping each other out."
"AITA for refusing to keep covering for her without knowing what I'm actually covering for?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors mostly decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) and tried to extract herself from the situation, but many had questions (INFO) about why OP was in this situation.
"INFO: why do your parents even need that info if your sister is 34? She doesn't have any duty to confess to them what she's doing, and you don't have to 'cover' for her either. You aren't teens trying to sneak out; you're adults having independent lives..." ~ No-Jellyfish-1208
"INFO: What's the problem with 'admitting' you don't know the answers to questions like which company, why more travel than before, etc...? Why would you be expected to know? Obviously your parents don't know either, and why don't they ask her?" ~ Mytweezer
"INFO: Why are your parents involved with the movements of a 34-year-old woman on her weekends? It makes no sense." ~ layyla4real
"Info needed: Why do you need, as grown folks, to tell your parents that you're traveling? Why do your parents feel like it's their right to ask details? Do you both live with your parents?" ~ Jealous-Contract7426
"Gonna need more info on why and how your parents are asking about your 34-year-old sister's weekends. And like, do you think this behavior would be happening with a 34-year-old man?" ~ the_orig_princess
"Info: Why would your sister tell your parents in general that she's traveling? I travel for work every now and then and most of the times my parents don't even know that I'm currently abroad."
"One time I even flew to another continent and I don't think I've ever told them. If it comes up, sure, but as a person in their mid-30s, it's not necessary to share every detail of life." ~ ResidentStrategy7684
"INFO - why do you need to answer your parents' questions about your adult sister at all? Just answer, 'I have no idea, ask her'." ~ bigdave41
"Is your sister no contact with your parents? Why do they keep asking you? I don't think YTA, but I do think it's odd. Is sister married? Is it possible she's having an affair and is hiding it?"
"Why are you involved? Sis said she was on a business trip. That is all you know."
"Why does an adult woman need to justify her trips to her parents? This whole thing is weird. She’s 34." ~ Prior_Pomegranate718
"NTA. When I was younger (32, female), I tried covering for my little sister (divorced mother of two, 30, female). We have very intrusive parents who were paying her bills at the time."
"She was coming to our city on weekends without the kids to visit her bf. He was the brother of my dad’s business partner. My parents loved him, but would not have liked the idea of their daughter sleeping with him."
"I covered for months that she was staying with me. They showed up, and I had no idea where she was."
"To this day, I was the one held responsible for not holding get to our family moral code. She was never chastised, only me for being a bad big sister."
"I know she was an adult, but sometimes with pushy, demanding parents, it’s easier to lie." ~ LawComprehensive2204
"She's in a romantic relationship and wants you all to keep your noses out. A 34-year-old woman should be able to do what she wants on weekends; the fact that she is trying to cover it up hints that maybe there are some issues here." ~ Cloverose2
"Just tell your parents, 'I don't know. She only told me she said she has to travel for work'. You don't have to do a cover story. You don't even have to lie. Just say this. Let her handle the rest. If she's mad, say you told them everything she gave you." ~Difficult_Ad_1923
"If your parents ask, tell them to ask her. She's an adult. Let her decide what to tell them." ~ ACTSATGuyonReddit
"Here are the words you are looking for when your parents ask you: 'I don't know, you would need to ask her.' That's it. Don't be f*cking stupid, just move on." ~ usernamesarehard1979
"Parents need to stay in their lane. Sister needs to do whatever she wants and leave you the hell out of it. You need to tell your parents you have no idea where she is or what she’s doing because you mind your own business." ~ CaptainSnappertain
"NTA. But I would ask myself why they are asking me rather than her. Are you so enmeshed with them that they feel they have a right to discuss or dictate your personal life? They apparently think they have a right to know your sister's business." ~ feminist1946
"NTA. This whole scenario is weird, and you shouldn't be in the middle of it. She is an adult and doesn't need her parents' permission to do anything on her weekends, but if she insists on lying to them, then she should be the one doing it."
"It's even weirder that they're pumping you for details.... this reeks of boundary issues."
"The next time they ask, just say that you don't know and redirect them to her." ~ LunaDog_Mom
"Why on earth are you stressing about this? Just say what you know - that your sister is travelling for work. Anything else they want to know, they can ask her."
"But if my parents were demanding to know where I, a 34-year-old woman, was every day of the week, I'd be telling them to back off and mind their own affairs."
"This is ridiculous. Your parents need to butt the hell out of your middle aged sister's life." ~ Ohtherewearethen
"I don't understand the issue. You don't know what is up either (and if you did, it wouldn't change anything). If your parents ask you about your sister's travel habits, just tell them to ask your sister and don't discuss it further."
"She is 34 and has a right to privacy; end of discussion. She didn't need to involve you in anything or give you any details either, frankly. She may have been trying to get support from you or planning to try for support but regardless."
"You don't need to be speculating with your parents or engaging further about it. Your parents don't need to be trying to dig in either. If they are curious, they can ask her directly." ~ AgravaineNYR
"Why can't you say to your parents I know as much info as you and be done? Like why would you know all these details about your sister's work?" ~ Apprehensive-Bag-900
"Are we actually having this conversation? It's none of the parents' business what their grown daughter is doing."
"Tell them if they have any questions to ask their daughter, although it's still none of their business."
"Those parents need to get a life and keep their noses out of their grown daughters. Some people." ~ Mysterious_Drop1122
OP can't provide information they don't have.
What's wrong with telling their parents, "I don't know, ask her"?
