We all want to help out family members who are struggling.
But this can become difficult, if not impossible to do if they don’t use the help they’re being given.
Or worse, if they don’t show even the slightest sign of appreciation.
Redditor diabetstashaiththrow wanted to help his brother out by giving him a place to live so that he could get on his feet.
But after the original poster (OP)’s brother put his wife’s health at risk not once, but three times, he felt there was no other choice but to kick him out.
But after being scolded by his family for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for making my brother live with my parents?”
The OP first explained how he was initially happy to take his brother in, though there were conditions.
“My wife (27 F[emale]) is diabetic, so she obviously keeps sweets in case she needs them.”
“She has a stash in the pantry with a few foods to bring up her blood sugar.”
“My brother (32 M[ale]) is staying with us while he gets a job and works up some money to get another apartment.”
“We have a rather big house, he’s sleeping in the guest bedroom, which is on the other side of our bedroom and office.”
“He’s staying here for free, he at the time didn’t have to pay for anything, no groceries, no water bill rent free and my wife washes his laundry, which I’ve told her not to do because he can do it just fine.”
“He just has to show how much money he’s suppose to be making so we know he’s actually doing something.”
“We have THREE set rules, do not leave you mess everywhere, if you are going out late don’t come it loudly, and do not touch my wife’s stash.”
“We have told him exactly why and if he wants something in there he can write it down on the list of groceries that we have and we go every Friday but don’t touch that as it is specifically for her.”
“While I’m at work my wife texted me asking to pick up a list of things all from her stash.”
“I was confused because she just got more but when I got there everything was gone, all of it.”
“Ever candy she had in there “vanished”.”
“I asked her where they went and she had no idea where they went.”
“Thank god she had some on her purse.”
“I asked my brother and he started laughing, saying he took them as a ‘prank’.”
“Those are meant to be funny, not health threatening.”
“I told him that he cannot ever do that again and if that happens he won’t have access to the pantry and he’s this is incredibly immature.”
“I told him what happens if she doesn’t keep her blood sugar up.”
“He apologized to her.”
“We stocked up.”
However, the OP’s brother did not stay true to his word, and the OP felt there was only one appropriate consequence for his actions.
“A week later, gone again.”
“I went straight to him, he said he ate them.”
“I told him he’s now going to be buying his own groceries, he tried to plead and say he just had a ‘sweet tooth’ and that’s the only thing he could find.”
“I gave him a final warning and said that if this happens again, he won’t be welcome here.”
“I suggested he go to my parents house then, my wife said he will just bring her stash into our room.”
“We were good for about a month, until my wife texted me again while at work, understandably upset, and again, he took her whole thing.”
“This time was it, told he he’s going to have to stay with our parents.”
“Our parents welcomed him.”
“However now he’s told our whole family, and they are all blasting me on social media, even on Reddit about how much of a horrible brother I am for kicking him out and I could have just put a lock in my bedrooms.”
“I love my brother, I want him to succeed, but i can’t keep helping him when he is literally making our home un-safe.”
“I don’t see why I have to child proof my house from a 32 year old man.”
“I gave him three strikes.”
“However these messages are getting to my head. was I being an ass here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not at all the a**hole for kicking his brother out of his house.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s brother was dangerous to the health of the OP’s wife, and since he ignored the warnings not once, but twice, there was clearly no other choice but to kick him out.
“Your brother is a candburglar and can’t be trusted!”
“Your wife needs her stash for medical reasons, your brother has no regard for your wife’s health.”-Punisher6111
“You are right.”
“You should be able to expect better from a 32-year-old man.”
“Let your family deal with him, and if they continue to harangue you about this and won’t listen to your side, block them.”- ChapSteve711
“He’s deliberately causing situations that can lead your wife to go into hypoglycemia when he can simply choose other alternatives to engage his ‘sweet tooth’ like get things for himself.”
“All the relatives that are berating you on social media better chip in on his living expenses or welcome him at their homes for all the things they have to say about the whole situation.”-shealwayscomplains
“My man, were he my brother he’d have been out in one.”
“If you are the a**hole it’s only because you didn’t kick him out sooner.”
“Imagine how different the conversation would have been if your diabetic wife had to be rushed to the hospital, or worse, because something she relied on wasn’t there, for a ‘prank’.”-ARandomWalkInSpace
“Your brother is an adult child.”
“The least he can do is to respect you and your wife while he stays with you for free, and he can’t even do that.”
“You’re 100% in the right to kick him out, and I would have done the same thing.”
“He needs to grow the hell up, and your family needs to stop enabling him.”
“Also this sounds eerily like my family.”- Solaris_Luna
“You warned him when he moved in and made it clear that if he wanted something all he had to do is ask.”
“He proceeded to not listen and, even though you warned him the first two times, take from your wife’s stash 3 times.”
“This proves he is in the wrong here.”
“The fact that your family is blasting you on social media shows that he, most likely, has not told the entire truth about the situation and making it seem like you are in the wrong and an AH for what you did.”
“You had every right to kick him out and I hope your family will know the whole story soon.”-Peachie_roses
“Replace ‘candy’ with insulin injections or asthma pump and you get to the same place.”
“What the item was is irrelevant.”
“It’s a medical need and kept for this purpose and to be honest, even if it wasn’t.”
“He was asked not to touch it and he disrespected that in a house where he is a guest.”-notnotwolverine
“It absolutely kills me that anyone would expect you to lock your bedroom door to hide your possessions/snacks/whatever, from a house guest.”
“I mean, that is your own freaking home.”
“How can anyone come to that as a logic resolution baffles me.”
“You can not be TA in this situation.”
“And neither can your wife.”
“It is absolutely brother.”- TheLoudCanadianGirl
“He’s 32 and he thinks withholding health crucial things is funny?”
“He showed no respect for your wife, deliberately breaking one of the three rules for what was a pretty cushy arrangement, to prove an unfathomable point.”- ScorchieSong
“I’m surprised you gave him 3 chances.”
“And he’s told the family a story to make you look bad, by the sounds of it, they don’t know the facts.”
“I know he’s now out of the house, but I would suggest that she keeps a second stash elsewhere, somewhere less obvious, like in with her undies / sanitary care, just so if he comes over for a meal or whatever, he won’t leave your wife sugarless.”
“I saddens me greatly that some people have no concept on how serious diabetes is.”
“My old neighbor was diabetic and he told us if we ever found him on the ground to go threw his pockets and shove a lolly in his mouth.”
“I took him very seriously.”-DiamondHeist1970
Considering the OP’s brother didn’t take his threats remotely seriously, it’s easy to imagine that he didn’t take his warning’s about his wife’s health condition seriously either.
Sad as it is that it had to come to this, hopefully being thrown out of the house was the wake up call he needed.
Here’s just hoping that the family who appear to be taking his side don’t enable him, and prevent him from learning a lesson.