Taylor Swift brings a lot of joy to many people.
However, some people find her a divisive figure.
She can often be weaponized to frustrate and trigger her biggest fans.
This behavior isn’t saved for teenagers, either.
Redditor tamponsaver wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] to stop picking on my kids, or he’s not coming on vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have three kids, Rob (16 M[ale]), Lisa (14 F[eamle]), and Anne (9 F).”
“Lisa is autistic, and her special interest is Taylor Swift.”
“Rob and Anne go along with it and indulge her.”
“They’re good kids who care and support each other, and Rob and yes Anne get attention and support for their interests too.”
“My brother-in-law Hector’s entire personality is trying to rile people.”
“You know the whole ‘it’s just a joke bro.'”
“Super childish, but whatever. He’s family.”
“Except my husband is out of the country, so I guess he thinks he gets to do whatever he wants.”
“A few weeks ago, he started needling at Lisa by making fun of Taylor Swift using lots of childish name-calling words, intentionally using the wrong word for fans and stuff.”
“Just really immature kid stuff.”
“Lisa knows that not everyone likes T[aylor] S[wifty], and some people even hate her.”
“One of her best friends hates her.”
“She’s not unable to hear different opinions.”
“She has her own, and I’m sure she’d LOVE to share with you all if you had 4 hours to spare.”
“He would say, ‘Well Swiffers did XYZ.'”
“She would say ‘Uncle Hector it’s Swifties’ and he would say it again to needle at her.”
“Rob was in the room, I was not.”
“Rob said to him, ‘Why do you keep using the wrong word? She told you the right word?’”
“Hector said he can say whatever he wants and to ‘cry about it.’”
“Rob said, ‘It just seems like you’re going out of your way to upset Lisa.’”
“Rob asked her to finish what she was talking about and to ignore Hector.”
“This is when I came into the room, and Hector waved at the kids and said, ‘Roberta’s getting real mad that someone’s joking about mother?'”
“I wasn’t in the room, so I didn’t hear the comment about me and Rob said I wouldn’t get it.”
“Before I could say anything, Rob said, ‘Bro did you really just call me a girl’s name? Are you 12?’”
“I put my hands up and said, ‘Okay, enough, Hector, stop.'”
“He said I’m raising soft kids who can’t take a joke.”
“I said he’s being so effing rude and that he wouldn’t be acting like this if my husband was home.”
“I said that if he wants to still go with us to Colorado in the summer like we were planning, he has to stop NOW, or he’s not coming.”
“This set him off, and he said I had no right to do that (yes I do) and that I’m being a controlling yak over Taylor Swift.”
“I said no, f**k Taylor Swift, this is about you being mean to your niece because her dad isn’t home.”
“He said f**k you and good luck next time we have a problem, we’re on our own.”
“He took his Costco chicken and left, and I swear he must have immediately gone running to my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] because she called me to ask for what really happened and sighed a lot.”
“I asked her if I was overreacting, and she said she just hoped we could work it out because that trip was all he had to look forward to since he was laid off from work.”
“I HATE causing drama in the family.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So am I the a**hole, and out of line?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You should be proud of your son for standing up for his sister.”
“The BIL does not deserve to go for being a nasty piece of work.” ~ Perfect_Ring3489
“I hope NEXT time your shi**y BIL needles the kids and your son is assertive, respectful, and protective?”
“You respond by praising the hell out of him in front of your BIL. Ignore him for a minute and ask the kids to clear the room.”
“THEN address the immature a**hole and tell him he will behave or he will leave.”
“And if he leaves/cannot adjust himself to be a good family member?”
“Then he is not welcome. NTA.”
“But f**k giving him bad dog attention (which he gets off on) and getting your energy and hurting your kids.” ~ Electronic_Charge_96
“Good for you – he’s acting like a whiny, rude teenager, so you threatened like a teenager.”
“I would already be not taking him just to keep the peace. NTA OP.” ~ IgnotusPeverill
“NTA – Hector is what we call Schrodinger’s AH.”
“He says something awful, then waits to gauge the reaction to decide if it’s a joke or not.”
“He’s made being a jerk his whole personality. What adds spice to the jerk is how he can dish it out but can’t take it, and that a grown a*s man had to go cry to his mommy because a child hurt his fee-fees.”
“He is a profoundly unserious person who has probably never engendered respect in another human in his life. “
“He’s so awful that he has to bully an autistic child.”
“None of that makes him edgy and cool.”
“He’s just an AH.” ~ PomegranateReal3620
“NTA! You protected your kids.”
“Your son seems wise beyond his years and brave to stand up to a family member like that.”
“This is a perfectly reasonable natural consequence for the uncle to face.”
“He has to be agreeable and kind to be invited on family vacations lol.”
“That’s not a huge stretch.”
“I hope he can come around.”
“I’m glad your M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] didn’t like… completely take his side?”
“But it sounds like she is a huge enabler.”
“There is a lot of irony in saying, ‘I hope you can work it out because that trip was all he had to look forward to since being laid off from work.'”
“Um, well?”
“If he cared about the trip, maybe he should be grateful and respectful to his family so as to not put it at risk.”
“Maybe he’s a grown f**king man and shouldn’t be coddled with vacations just so he has something to look forward to.”
“Make sure your husband is on board.”
“You know BIL will go to him next and will attack your parenting and your logic and your teachings.”
“You have your head on straight.”
“Perhaps with your husband present, you can have an adult conversation with your BIL about the role of jokes with your kids and that his jokes lead heavily with negativity, from making fun of topics to calling people the wrong names just to mess with them… like classic playground stuff, and if he wants a role in the family he needs to do better.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“NTA – Honestly, it’s a little weird to me for your husband’s brother to be hanging out at your house while your husband is away.” ~ tiger0204
“NTA. Don’t bring him.”
“Three kids on a trip is enough.”
“You don’t need a fourth.”
“This ‘it’s just a joke’ nonsense is just an excuse for garbage people to be garbage and continue to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.”
“I wouldn’t want someone like that on a trip with me or around my kids.”
“Maybe he should worry less about looking forward to a trip and more about looking forward to being a better person.”
“Please be assured that not tolerating piss poor behavior from a grown man isn’t you starting drama.” ~ LevelCurrent3791
“Fully agree. I’d like to add that he’s so miserable that he’s trying to tear down CHILDREN to make himself feel better.”
“Your 16-year-old showed more emotional maturity than this adult.”
“Rather than take accountability, this grown man tried to ‘tattle’ on him twice – once to you and once to his mother – and then had a tantrum when he was scolded.”
“No wonder he’s unemployed and alone…” ~ IntuitiveMonster
“You were much more civil than I would be.”
“If that was my son and my autistic child my wife’s brother was bullying, I most likely would have thrown him out of my house – through the bay window.”
“Then, I’d need bail money, a contractor, etc… it just gets messy.”
“Good job resisting that temptation.”
“If your husband was home, I doubt he would have reacted the same way.”
“Unless Hector is 12, he needs to understand how to be an adult.”
“Part of that is this…”
“1 – You don’t bully small children, and…”
“2 – You don’t go crying to Mommy when somebody hurts your wittle feelings.”
“Are you okay, Cupcake?”
“Do you need your emotional support chicken and some essential oils?”
“Hector can grow some juevos; man up and apologize.
“He needs to apologize to your children, you, his brother for disrepecting his family, and his mother for bringing her into this.”
“After a SINCERE apology, you can forgive his boorish conduct and move forward.”
“If he doesn’t, you are morally and legally obligated to PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!!!”
“That includes from toxic dirtwipes like Hector.”
“For their safety and your sanity, he needs to be kept FAR apart from your family.”
“NTA 100-150%, adjusting for inflation.” ~ No_Yogurtcloset_1687
“Yes, Hector is a sadist like all these ‘constantly trolling’ types are.”
“And true to type, he is also incredibly fragile when it’s his feelings on the line.”
“No one has a responsibility to protect the little fees of sadists.”
“Kudos to Rob.” ~ Learned_Hand_01
“NTA… Is this man an adult?”
“He had his mommy telephone you?”
“You’ve given him the terms.”
“He can decide how important this trip is to him.”
“You’re raising good kids who have each other’s backs, so good on you for that.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“Right! He needs to learn to stop being an AH.”
“Let’s call it what it was… a grown man bullying a 14-year-old girl who happens to be autistic.”
“He needs to realize that he’s not in middle school anymore.”
“Maybe if he grew up, he could get a job.”~ me0mio
“NTA, but I’m really curious about how Anne actually felt about it.”
“Does she know that Uncle Jerkface is joking and trying to rile her up?”
“I’m guessing she has some really good coping skills because you don’t mention her getting upset or melting down or anything.”
“I hope her older siblings can clue her in about ways to cope with stupid teasing people like her Uncle.” ~ hpotter29
“NTA. Hector is having a hard time with life right now if he just got laid off, and it’s SO SAD that the only recourse he has to feel better about himself is to bully his niblings.”
“The fact that your 16-year-old son has a higher maturity and emotional intelligence level than his adult uncle says a lot (good things about you and your husband’s parenting… and bad things about Hector).”
“It sounds like Hector needs CONSEQUENCES – and not being able to attend a family trip with kids that he bullies is a natural consequence.” ~ KBD_in_PDX
“NTA: Hector is a f**cking bully, but to big a chicken sh*t to bully adults… only children.”
“I would not allow him around my kids at all.”
“Bullies aren’t offered space at my table until they show me they have changed through real, honest apologies and changed actions.” ~ lunarteamagic
“NTA, of course.”
“Your first priority is to protect your kids from meanies like Uncle Hector if they’re disabled or not, to be honest.”
“Kids (yes, even older kids or your adult kids) deserve to be protected from mean people, even if they are related.”
“If he can’t behave like a normal, mature adult who doesn’t rile up kids for fun, then he can’t go on a family trip.”
“Sounds fair to me.”
“If he really wants to come, he can start behave not like an AH now, stop this weird rude behavior and make it up to them (i.e. apologize sincerely).”
“Respecting other people is not raising them soft.”
“It’s raising them to be kind people with compassion, so they don’t end up like Uncle Hector.” ~ Crazyandiloveit
“If he was really looking forward to it, that should give him some motivation to think about his behavior.”
“NTA for you, OP; you did better than most would.” ~ atealein
OP came back to chat…
“Thanks for all the feedback.”
“I have a path forward.”
“It also needs to be said that some of you are just inventing an entirely new story involving Hector losing his job because he has a bad personality.”
“This is entirely fictional. This didn’t happen.”
“His job laid off almost everyone because they are struggling with money and likely won’t recover.”
It’s great to hear that you could feel the Reddit love, OP.
Hector is problematic.
Maybe you should sit down with your MIL and husband, and they can talk to him about his behavior.
You’re a good mom for trying to keep such toxicity away from your kids.
Good luck and just… “Shake it Off, Shake it Off!” 😉