Sometimes, people get pushed too far and say things they regret.
What’s said is mean-spirited and unnecessary.
Even if what is said can be right on the money and deserved.
Humans only have so much patience.
And when patience runs out, gloves come off.
Redditor Impressive_Apple8399 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my husband’s ex to keep her jealousy to herself?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30 F[emale]) am newly married to my husband, Rick(30 M[ale]).”
“So I’ll try to explain the backstory/relationships but I suck at typing so sorry ahead of time.”
“Rick was raised with Maddie (30 F[emale]).”
“My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] (50 F) and Maddie’s mom were best friends since they were babies.’
“They dated back in high school, but it didn’t work out.”
“They did, however, remain close friends.”
“I probably should note that Maddie ended up marrying my older B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] 5 years ago.”
“So, on to now.”
“Rick and I have spent the last year wedding planning and doing the all of the traditional events that come with that.”
“It’s been an incredibly stressful time, but being my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] Maddie was at almost everything.”
“Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
“I like Maddie… but it seemed like every passing day, she would get angrier with me.”
“This led all the way up to our rehearsal dinner when she started making comments ‘in a joking manner,’ saying, ‘I could have been his wife,’ ‘I would have looked stunning next to him at the altar.'”
“This continued most of the way through our meal.”
“I admit I was irritated and not enjoying myself because of it.”
“When she ‘jokingly’ asked Rick why they broke up again, I decided to speak up and told her to keep her jealousy to herself.”
“She acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about.”
“I told her I’ve had to listen to her little remarks at the rehearsal for MY wedding, and I was tired of it.”
“She shut up, but my BIL and MIL kept looking at me funny for the rest of the event.”
“When Rick and I got back from our honeymoon 2 days ago, my MIL had a talk with me about how that was incredibly rude and that I owe Maddie an apology.”
“I’m starting to wonder if I was actually in the wrong here.”
“Rick says I was justified, but MIL and BIL are still upset with me over it.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – tell your MIL that Maddie was a rude and disrespectful person.”
“She made your rehearsal dinner about her and Rick’s past relationship, making you uncomfortable.”
“Yes, you reacted, but you deserved not to have your husband’s ex carrying on about their past relationship at your wedding events.”
“Maybe Maddie thought it was cute or funny, but to you, it was insensitive and upsetting.”
“Your wedding was not about Maddie or Maddie and Rick’s past.”
“You are not apologising to Maddie, and frankly, if it were me, I would tell MIL I’m a grown a** woman; it’s not her place to tell me to apologise as if I’m a child.”
“I can judge my actions myself, and I’m comfortable with them – sometimes you gotta be an AH to make a point and stop other AHs like Maddie in their tracks.” ~ Kami_Sang
“Where was Bil during all this time Maddie was gushing over her past with Rick?”
“You would think he wouldn’t be so happy about how Maddie was saying she would do good marrying Rick, as if she’s saying she married the wrong brother.”
“How does BIL feel about this?”
“If he feels the same as you, you should both confront MIL and Maddie and tell them that Maddie is the rude one and owes you (and BIL) the apologies.” ~ Dense_Dress_1287
“I also agree.”
“It might also be time for OP’s husband to cut Maddie out of his life.”
“Her words and actions were.”
“Not those of a true caring friend.’
“Honestly, I’m shocked he didn’t shut her down right away.”
“This ‘friendship’ should have ended ages ago.”
“Sounds like she’s still carrying a torch for him.”
“NTA. I just read the post again.”
“I just crawled out of bed, LOL… so maybe he can’t cut her off, but he should be talking to his brother and NIP this ASAP.”
“It’s not healthy.” ~ Capable_Restaurant11
“NTA – what Maddie did was way out of line.”
“Your mother-in-law is also way off base in supporting Maddie in this.”
“Also, your brother-in-law is mad at the wrong person.”
“He should be upset with his wife for saying that his brother should’ve been with her instead!” ~ Vyckerz
“NTA. I would sit down with your husband and talk about how Maddie made you feel.”
“Let him know that she spoiled something that should’ve been a special moment, and you’re not going to be dealing with her for the rest of your life.”
“This means that he needs to run interference with his parents and brother.”
“This means he needs to have a conversation with them about when Maddie is allowed to interact with your life and what your boundaries are as a couple.” ~ AGirlCalledPearl
“NTA. She was disrespectful.”
“You don’t owe her anything.”
“She was purposely trying to hurt you and ruin your joy.”
“My question is, did MIL and BIL actually hear you call Maddie out and what you actually said, or did she relay it back to them?”
“It’s important to know that they have accurate information and not some made-up story that she manipulated.”
“You may have to have a conversation with them about what was said and everything she did prior.”
“As far as your MIL and BIL go, is anyone there going to address the elephant in the room?”
“Maddie is currently married to your husband’s older brother… and she is still making comments about how she should have been with Rick and questioning why she and Rick broke up.”
“Doesn’t her husband and your MIL find that at all concerning, disrespectful, or offensive to her husband?”
“Don’t they find that odd that she’s still pining after her husband’s younger brother?”
“You’re not wrong.”
“No apology needed from you.”
“She owes you and Rick an apology.”
“Your husband should be disgusted and demanding an apology from his family for how they’re treating you and how Maddie was treating both of you.”
“It was directed at him too and very awkward and uncomfortable for him as well.” ~ Bluntandfiesty
“NTA. Hubby needs to be the one dealing with MIL, not you.”
“If he doesn’t, Mommy Dearest will drive a wedge between the two of you.” ~ Sadpepper2015
“I agree.”
“OP’s husband needs to talk to his family and make it clear to all of them, but especially Maddie, that this wasn’t funny or cute in any way.” ~ SweetNothings12
“NTA. But ew!!!”
“She dated one brother.”
“Married the other brother.”
“Is now commenting that she should be married to the first brother while remaining married to the second brother.”
“Talk about All in the Family.” ~ LetsGetsThisPartyOn
“NTA – I’m sure she spun her version of how nice and supportive she has been this entire time and has no idea what you are talking about and how you cannot take a joke.”
“Do not apologize, and you and your husband go over to mil house and lay out everything she has been doing and saying.”
“If MIL still makes excuses, then that is on her, but keep calling SIL out, and your husband needs to stop the comments also as they happen.” ~ Ok_Objective8366
“Tell MIL that you agree it was rude, but you were talking to her like she had been talking to you.”
“Say how gracefully you involved her in planning and how she did not stop the comments.”
“You made a decision to behave differently to make her stop, and it worked.”
“You will not apologize, and if MIL wants to smooth things over, she can support Maddie in dealing with her choices.”
“But that you have nothing to do with their dating past and Ricky has moved on, and you won’t tolerate mean-spirited jokes about your relationship.” ~ baurette
“I would tell MIL that I’m not apologizing.”
“Maddie was not only disrespectful to OP and her relationship, but Maddie was disrespectful to her husband.”
“I bet she only married the brother because she couldn’t marry Rick.”
“Maddie needs to apologize, and OP, I hope she’s not in your wedding party.” ~ Primary_Aerie5510
“Tell your MIL that the rude one was Maddie.”
“This wasn’t her wedding, she kept making it about HERSELF and Rick, and you tolerated her crap until you didn’t want to anymore, and she’s been awful to you at increasing speeds as your wedding got closer.”
“She owes YOU the apology.”
“Your husband agrees with you.”
“So when Maddie is ready to sincerely apologize, you’ll welcome it.” ~ CarrotofInsanity
“NTA, she said those things cause SHE IS jealous.”
“I personally think more people need to be shamed publicly for their obvious bad behavior, cause I guarantee if you had tried to talk to her privately about it she would have laughed it off and then had more fodder for the rumor MIL.”
“I wonder if BIL is upset ’cause he knows he’s second choice.” ~ M312345
“NTA, but what you’re omitting entirely is Rick’s reaction.”
“It’s his ex, his mother, and brother.”
“Why didn’t he put a stop to it sooner?”
“Did he just sit idly by and let you handle it?”
“If that’s the case, you just married him, and he’s already showing you that he won’t stand up for you.”
“I’m not going to touch the ‘she dated the younger brother and then married the older one’ trope with a ten-foot pole.” ~ randomstat123
“NTA. Ask them if they would be okay if someone kept saying they would look better than them with their spouse at their wedding.”
“How would that go over?”
“They can feel however they want to feel.”
“All they needed to do was tell Maddie to stop saying inappropriate things at someone else’s rehearsal dinner, then no one would have responded to her comments.”
“Let your BIL know that he can let her say whatever he wants her to say to him, but you will not let someone ask her husband to be why they broke up while sitting next to his brother who is also their husband.”
“How can he think what she was saying was appropriate?”
“Why would he be okay with her saying that she would look stunning standing next to him?”
“Why is he okay with that?”
“If he wants to lie and say he didn’t hear her, then he doesn’t have all of the information, and now that he does, is he going to make his wife apologize for her comments?”
“They can’t have it both ways.”
“If she was inappropriate first, then she needs to apologize; that only makes sense.”
“But, if they want to spare her feelings, they can’t.”
“She opened her mouth and did and said what she said.”
“None of this would have happened if she hadn’t said anything.”
“She chose to say those things during someone else’s rehearsal dinner.”
“No one does that. It is inappropriate, petty, and disruptive.”
“So, they need to talk with her and get her to apologize for her behavior.”
“Let them all know there is no way you will apologize, none.”
“No one is going to say they would look better standing next to my husband, EVER.”
“Be well and update me.” ~ Lucky_Log2212
“Nope. You stood up for yourself.”
“It wasn’t her wedding.”
“She was being disrespectful and, if anything, owes you an apology.”
“Not likely to happen, so I’d just stand your ground and state that you expressed your feelings, and that’s that.” ~ SugarjaneLLC
“NTA. I think because of her past ties to Maddie’s mom, your MIL sees Maddie as one of her own.”
“That would explain why she’s sticking up for Maddie.”
“Maddie was in the wrong.”
“Someone needed to shut her up, and since no one else was doing it, you needed to do it.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“NTA – They’re mad at you for making waves, but what Maddie was saying is objectively mean and rude.’
“You just don’t say those types of things to a bride.”
“Tensions are high, and she knew what she was doing and relied on social pressure to keep you quiet.”
“Too bad for her that doesn’t work once someone hits their limit.”
“Unless your MIL had a similar talk with Maddie about making inappropriate jokes, that’s totally unfair.” ~ FlaxFox
“NTA, it seems like Maddie is ready to get into dangerous antics to get your husband back or come onto your husband.”
“Maddie had her shot, and it didn’t work out.”
“She needs to get over the past.” ~ Fun-Competition8210
“NTA – She knew what she was doing, and putting her on blast was called for.”
“Talk to your fiancé about the situation and point out all of the ‘jokes’ and turn them around to where he can understand it.”
“Imagine an ex-boyfriend of mine came to the rehearsal and kept commenting on how we were a couple and how magical it was and so on.”
“How would he feel about the wedding going forward?”
“I bet not magical.”
“This is your and your fiancés’ day, and anyone who wants to tarnish it shouldn’t be invited.”
“With the amount of money that people spend on weddings, anything that could possibly ruin the moment should be avoided.”
“Including salty friends and family.”
“Good luck.” ~ Complete_Gap_9798
“NTA. Tell your MIL that Maddie is the rude one who made stupid remarks and has upset you, so she is the one who should apologize and that you expect one from her (MIL) too for calling you rude when all you did was a much-called-for reminder of decency.” ~ Tasty-Dust9501
“NTA. But I don’t understand why BIL is upset with you.”
“I mean, she was gushing over the idea of herself being the bride to his younger brother, and he’s not upset with her but believes you were the rude one?!” ~ redsoxx1996
“Aww HELLLLLLL no!!!”
“Firstly, I pity the BIL, who clearly has a wife that doesn’t love him.”
“I might chalk up his facial expressions to ‘Wait…how did I miss this?'”
“Because CLEARLY she’s got the warmies for your hubs.”
“As for YOU?”
“Girl, that was the LEAST you could have said!”
“MIL can get bent.”
“You owe Maddie NOTHING – and I’m glad that your hubs (CONGRATS by the way) is supporting you… AS HE SHOULD.”
“Best to you!! NTA.” ~ ladyredcyn
Reddit is with you, OP.
Maddie’s behavior is outrageous.
It was your special day, and her comments were ruining it.
Maybe your husband should have a serious sit-down with his family and discuss the situation.
You did nothing wrong.
Good luck and Congratulations!!!