There comes a breaking point when it comes to keeping secrets.
The pressure to keep a hurtful or embarrassing truth can only be suppressed for so long.
One woman whose engagement ended abruptly was forced to reckon with the aftermath after a recent interaction reached a boiling point.
The ensuing drama led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit where she sought judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor SylenSong asked:
“AITA for telling the truth about why I ended my engagement to my ex’s parents and grandparents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 f[female]) was engaged for more than a year but called it off in October. My family and friends knew but not a lot in my ex’s family and friends knew.”
“His parents had grown frustrated by the chaos in their family that to them seemed to follow the end of our engagement and they and my ex’s grandparents approached me to ask why I’d called everything off.”
“This is so messy and I feel dumb for not worrying about it but I’ll explain what happened and what I told them.”
The OP continued:
“So my ex’s brother and his wife were trying to have a baby for a while and failed. Not long after ex and I got engaged his brother and SIL asked if my ex would donate sperm.”
“They wanted to turkey baster it and act like his brother was the bio father but they’d be honest with the kid. My ex and I talked about it and I was fine with it.”
“I helped him get the samples and his brother would come and collect them and take them to his wife. It took quite a few but it worked. Only when she got pregnant finally she started acting weird toward me. She was jealous. Like clearly jealous.”
The OP gave examples of the untoward behavior.
“She made snarky comments toward me and glared at me when I’d see her. This was going on for a few weeks. When ex and I were shown the scan photos she looked pissed that he was hugging me while we looked.”
“then she came to the house when I was alone and she accused me of coming between the brothers and wanting her child to grow up an only child. Like this was seriously out of nowhere.”
“It made me feel off about things and I asked her why she was acting like a jealous girlfriend or mistress. She lost her sh*t and told me I needed to back off.”
“I confronted my ex and he played dumb. He said he had no idea why she was behaving that way. But I didn’t buy it and then his brother asked me if I thought his wife was being weird with my ex. I said yep.”
“We both confronted them and she asked why it mattered how she’d gotten pregnant as long as they got the result they wanted. Ex’s brother almost attacked my ex.”
“Ex was saying it wasn’t like that, and the turkey baster method wasn’t working, and it was all about his brother and how nothing else happened but in and out. He really thought we’d buy that.”
“I walked away from him that night and I gave back my ring. Ex tried to fight for me to forgive him but I just felt foolish for agreeing to begin with.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with the brother and her. I didn’t stay in touch.”
This brings us back to the present.
“But I told ex’s parents and grandparents that ex slept with his brother’s wife and that it got messy because of the baby. They thanked me for my honesty and apologized for asking me. And then a few days later, my ex DM’d me on Instagram and asked why I had to mess with his family like that, and he said I faked his brother over more than he already had.”
“I blocked him (it was a second account I forgot about). But I feel bad if I highlighted what his brother’s dealing with before he was ready to tell anyone. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
“He kept a secret from you, which is never good.”
“But this isn’t hiding a Pokémon obsession or splurging on a gaming PC without asking.”
“This is f’king around on you and lying about it. Leaving him was just being sane about things.”
“But his family asked. You answered. It wasn’t your job to keep his secrets, especially since you’re not a couple anymore.”
“It is literally not your circus, not your monkeys.” – farvag2025
“NTA. You didn’t owe him silence. His family approached you. And he cheated on you with his brother’s wife. He’s a POS. Sounds like they deserve each other.”
“I feel for the brother, but that’s not your responsibility.” – iknowsomethings2
“NTA. You didn’t mess with his family… they did that themselves. You simply answered a question honestly. Your ex literally slept with his brother’s wife after the ‘turkey baster method’ didn’t work, and they thought this wouldn’t blow up? That’s not on you.”
“If his brother wasn’t ready for the family to know, maybe they shouldn’t have created a scandal in the first place. You’re not the villain here, you were the victim of a messy, betrayal-filled situation.”
“Don’t feel guilty for telling the truth, they created the drama, and now they have to deal with it. You dodged a major bullet.” – Very_merryberry
“NTA. It’s just the truth. You ended your engagement because your ex cheated on you. They asked, you answered. It wasn’t your secret to keep, and if he wanted to keep his secret, he should have kept his secret.”
“You had a close call. I’m glad you got out of there.” – Mysterious_Spark
“NTA.”
“Your ex is pissed that it got out that he’s a horrible brother and partner. I bet your ex marries his brothers wife after they get divorced.” – repthe732
“NTA this was him and his sister-in-law being sketchy. They could have gotten her pregnant in the doctor’s offices by fertilizing her eggs but instead, they wanted to do the cheap route with a turkey baster, then had sex. They both deserved the fallout for their action. “ – okileggs1992
“Honestly, he knows all his issues were caused by his actions, not your revealing them. He just isn’t liking the consequences and wants to throw blame elsewhere. There was no reason to keep the secret.”
“And make no mistake, he isn’t concerned about how the truth coming out impacts his brother. He is upset because it is coming down on him. Unfortunately, it might impact the brother too, but this betrayal happened to you as well as him, and it was as much your news to share.”
“You didn’t explain the context in which you told them though, so it’s hard to say if there’s a little pettiness there or not. If they were bugging you to tell them or harassing you or you knew they had been told a different story that painted you in a poor light, then you did the right thing by telling them.”
“If you just decided to tell them unprompted because you were angry, then that’s petty, which is not a problem in my opinion, except insofar as it might negatively affect the brother. But even then, NTA!”
“Edit: I see now that they apologized for asking, so yeah, not even a petty thing at all! Though I actually like a little pettiness now and then!” – Lokipupper456
“NTA.”
“You are allowed to talk about your story. He is allowed to talk about his story. Unfortunately, they overlap. That’s not on either of you. It IS yours. Your ex made it your story. It is the reason your relationship ended. Unpleasant as it is, it’s the truth and something you had to go through.”
“Your ex isn’t mad FOR his brother. Your ex is worried for himself. He slept with his brothers wife, and his SIL caught some special kind of crazy for him.”
“Your ex and his SIL/ mother of his child made this reality. They can’t shame or control the narrative. It wasn’t the brother who called you. It was your ex.” – YoshiandAims
“NTA. The truth hurts they say. Maybe your ex will figure out that it might be a good idea to not to put his personal business into a crazy receptacle in future. And the almost SIL sounds crazy enough that if it doesn’t work out with her husband, she will be coming after your ex for child support. Darling, you dodged a bullet. “ – Redrose7735
Several Reditors sided with the OP for being upfront by explaining the real about her cheating ex.
Redditors emphasized that the OP ended things because the ex cheated on her, and when asked about the reason for their break up, she answered the question, plan and simple.