We’ve all known one of those “brutally honest” people who obviously use their honesty as a shield to make rude comments.
But when we finally put them in their place, it’s important not to stoop as low as they do, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Practical_Parsley207’s husband was recovering from an emergency surgery, and her brother-in-law decided it was acceptable to comment on their love life.
When the Original Poster (OP) commented to shut him up, that left everyone demanding an apology; she wondered if she took her clapback a little too far.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for my response to my sister’s husband’s comment on my husband’s ‘manhood’?”
The OP’s brother-in-law was one of those “brutally honest” types.
“My husband has been sick for a few months now and recently had surgery.”
“My parents hosted dinner for him and invited the whole family.”
“My sister’s husband Mike, is the ‘tell it as it is’ type of man, basically the brutally honest type.”
“My sister says she loves him for his honesty, but because of it, we’ve had issues in the past.”
When Mike commented on the OP’s husband’s condition, the OP did not let it slide.
“After dinner, we were sitting down while my husband was in another room (he was getting some rest).”
“Mike looked at me and asked if my husband was ‘still good in bed’ because he had read that when men get sick, their performance would get lower.”
“I was floored by his question.”
“Everyone was looking at me in silence. It was absolutely awkward.”
“My sister smiled at me as a sign to let it go, but instead, I responded, ‘Well, at least better than men who can’t even impregnate their women.'”
“Now this is where I might be the AH, as Mike and my sister have suffered from infertility for 10 years, and it’s on Mike’s side.”
The family lashed out at the OP for her comment.
“This response caused a huge argument, and although Mike stormed off and didn’t say anything, my sister went off calling me abhorrent and shaming me for ‘going low’ and using her husband’s infertility against him.”
“I told her he insulted my husband’s manhood, but she said I took this whole thing out of context and made it personal since he was just talking about men in general.”
“After the argument, she and Mike left, and my mom demanded I apologize.”
“My husband didn’t even know what we were arguing about. Mom told him I was arguing with my sister over dessert.”
“Mom said I was in the wrong for hurting my sister’s feelings with what I said and told me to apologize, but I still refused.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that Mike was the typical “brutally honest” guy who couldn’t take criticism.
“I read a thing a few years ago that said, ‘People who pride themselves on being brutally honest are usually more interested in the brutality than the honesty,’ and I haven’t found the lie yet.” – runawayforlife
“Asking about anyone’s sex life unprompted that isn’t your own makes you a big AH.”
“BIL is a rude, pretentious douchecanoe who had the table turned on him in the same way he has been for umpteen years.”
“OP is definitely NTA.” – ImtheDude27
“BIL didn’t like what he got, but it seems to me that it would have been likely the only thing that would shut him up. Any other response would have ‘proved’ his made-up hypothesis, whether OP said yes (well, duh), no (nah, see, I know you’re lying to save face), or none of his business (your non-answer just told me everything I needed to know).”
“He started the d*ck measuring contest, he can live with the results. Thank f**k he’s incapable of fathering a child, given that attitude. One fewer child in the world with complexes around inadequacy in paternal affection.” – your_average_plebian
“He dishes it out but clearly can’t take it. If he’s all about ‘brutal honesty,’ then he should be able to handle it when it’s aimed at him. Actions have consequences!”
“He needs to learn that you can be honest without the “brutal” part! Why do people take such pride in being ‘brutally honest’ when you can be gently and politely honest?”
“And that being an honest person doesn’t necessarily mean blurting out every offensive thought that goes through your mind?!” – BladdermirBlad87
“NTA. Mike had no problem being rude until it was turned back on him. He can dish it out but clearly can’t take it.”
“There’s no need to apologize. Maybe now he’ll think twice before making inappropriate comments about other people’s marriages, or lives in general.” – Qabbalah
“NTA. You just told it as it was… Of course, you were rude, BUT you expressed the same type of rudeness your BIL pretends to enjoy until it is used against him.”
“Don’t apologize. Next time, he won’t be rude toward you or your husband since he now knows you can be rude, too.” – Couette-Couette
“Saying you’re ‘just being honest’ or ‘I’m the brutally honest type’ is just a bulls**t excuse to be rude and inappropriate. Asking about a sick man’s performance in bed is not honesty; it’s being an a**hole to get a reaction. BIL just didn’t like the reaction he got this time, and that’s FINE.” – Merdin86
Others were shocked that no one sided with the OP over something so inappropriate.
“I’m baffled about that nobody questioned the brother-in-law for saying this. Why is he interested in the sexual life of his sister-in-law? Or her husband? It’s a common occurrence discussing bedroom issues after their meals?!” – JaNoTengoNiNombre
“If this had happened in my family (my BIL was the sort of person to do stupid s**t like this), my parents would have called him out for being so vulgar… equally I’d have countered with something like, ‘Were you never taught not to talk about sex, politics or money!?’”
“I think OP did go a little brutal by bringing their infertility into it, but the BIL opened the door… she just walked through it!” – MaryMaryQuite-
“Brutally Honest is just Rude.”
“I applaud your response to Mike. And I’m glad you didn’t apologize to your sister. She is his enabler.” – Syyina
“On top of being rude, it is a creepy f**king thing to ask at a family dinner in front of the in-laws. I don’t get why everyone is giving him a pass for such a gross question to ask.” – Push_Bright
“NTA. How was Mike talking about men in general when he specifically asked if your husband was still good in bed?”
“She and your mom both are downplaying what he said, and I’d go even more combative if I were you, and put the whole thing in a group chat so your husband can see how your mom is trying to cover for your sister and your sister is trying to cover for her husband.”
“I’d also include a statement saying that you, too, can tell it like it is, and Mike can’t handle someone who can match his energy, he should keep his mouth shut. And then I’d say something like, ‘But I’ve heard men who can’t father kids often have trouble staying quiet.’ Screw that guy (though not literally).” – saintandvillian
“You do you…. but me? I would message the group as a whole… once…”
“I’d write, ‘This is the last time I will discuss this event. You CANNOT expect to make a dig at my spouse without accepting that the response may be given in kind. You have ZERO right to get offended at my response when you decided to verbally throw the first punch and I ended that fight with an equally offensive response. You wouldn’t be demanding an apology if I was offended by BIL’s question… The fact you’re all up in arms and demanding an apology from me is sexist and honestly ridiculous.'”
“‘If BIL is so d**n childish as to throw a tantrum because I bit back is evidence he KNEW his question was disgusting and offensive. Take your hurt feelings elsewhere, and honestly, if you can’t take it; don’t dish it. This is no longer up for discussion. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s ALL of you. BIL for being a d**k in the first place; sister for supporting an AH; and mom because your blatant favoritism and misogyny is ugly.'” – CatchMeIfYouCan09
“NTA. They deserved it. Your bil for dishing it out but not being able to take it and your sister for allowing this behaviour because by default she is supporting him. Cut them all off.” – NoIntroduction1035
“I don’t care what the rest of the family had to say; I admire how she stood up for her man.”
“The main way you target and insult a man is anything to do with their manhood, so the BIL opened that door himself by calling out your husband.”
“I’m honestly high-fiving you, OP, for standing up for him, I bet your husband is proud as f**k for slapping back and defending him while he was recovering.”
“That’s good looking out! Successful couple level.” – Puzzleheaded_Mode892
While the subReddit agreed that the comment had been a low jab, they hoped that it was enough to teach Mike not to mess with the OP and her husband, and possibly to even think twice before making inappropriate comments to anyone in the future.