Splitting finances can alleviate a lot of stress in the current climate.
Whether that’s with a roommate, family member… or maybe even an ex.
And not all these situations are working out well.
Especially the ones that involve living with exes.
Redditor hoypinoy626 wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not contributing to my G[irl]F[riend]’s mortgage or moving back in?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Last year, my girlfriend bought a house, and I moved in with her.”
‘She has a 10-year-old daughter from a previous relationship.”
“Things were going well at first, and I was happy to contribute to the household even though my name wasn’t on the mortgage.”
“We didn’t add me to the deed because my credit was poor at the time, and I already owned a home that I rent out.”
“The mortgage on her house is around $5,000 per month.”
“I was contributing $2,000 monthly, which was the most I could afford due to loans, credit card debt, and other financial responsibilities.”
“A few months in, she told me she was going to let her ex (her daughter’s father) move in to help with co-parenting.”
“I wasn’t excited about the idea, but I tried to be understanding since I know how important stability is for their daughter.”
“Over time, though, it became clear that her ex still had feelings for her.”
“He was overly familiar and acted like he was still part of the relationship.”
“It made me very uncomfortable, and I started to feel like a third wheel in the home.”
“She doesn’t want to kick out her ex because he helps a lot with their daughter.”
“After a while, I decided to move out for my own mental and emotional well-being.”
“Now, my girlfriend is upset that I won’t move back in or continue contributing to the mortgage.”
“I’ve told her that I’m not comfortable living in the same house as her ex and that I don’t feel it’s fair to keep financially supporting a property I don’t have any ownership in, especially under these circumstances.”
“I care about her and her daughter, but I also need to look after my own financial and emotional health.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.
“So, you pay $2k, and he pays $3k, maybe, for her mortgage and her property?!?”
“That’s a sweet deal for her. NTA.” ~ Vegetable-Purpose-27
“Sooooo… what you are saying is that she moves her ex in without having him contribute to the mortgage as rent?”
“If he lives there, he can pay the 2 grand.”
“Her wanting you to pay up after moving out is not you being an afterthought… it is you being the ‘sugar daddy.'” ~ CryptographerPure301
“The moment she moved him in, your contribution should have gone way down.”
“Now there were 4 people in the house.”
“She and her ex are responsible for the child’s portion of costs.”
“They can each pay their portion of costs.”
“So you should only, at most, have been paying $1,250.”
“But that’s really beside the point. I would have moved out the moment the ex moved in.”
“If she wants to live with her ex again, that’s a choice, but it means she’s not ready for a relationship with someone new. NTA.” ~ dragonsandvamps
“So she moved him in so you both can pay the mortgage and she does pay what towards it?”
“NTA but you may want to break up with her if she is more upset you left and took the financial help with you.” ~ PoisonedSmoke420
“This. They’re playing happy family, and OP’s a convenient ATM. NTA.” ~ bellsleelo
“NTA. She bought the house, and her name was on the mortgage.”
“She took on the responsibility of 5,000 a month (which is absurd), and that was her choice.”
“You were contributing to the bills at the time because you were living there and because you were in a relationship, when that relationship ended so did the implied agreement to live there and pay your share.”
“If you’re no longer living there and no longer in a relationship then you have no obligation.” ~ InGovWeMistrust
“NTA but you are a chump.”
“Girlfriend has her ex move back in, that alone is enough to break up.”
“That she wants you to move back in but not kick her ex out tells me that they’re using you.”
“Get over your emotions for her and her kid.”
“You don’t want to walk another day down this path.”
“It only leads to heartbreak for you.” ~ Witty-Lead-4166
“NTA. You’re not on the mortgage, and you’re not currently living there.”
“Cut and dry.”
“Relationship-wise, I’m sorry, but there are feelings between them.”
“Either on both sides or one.”
“A majority of co-parents don’t live together, and those who choose to usually set very firm boundaries, and it’s usually for a very young child or one who is medically complex.”
“There isn’t really a reason to, especially as a child is old enough, and 1 or both parents are in a relationship (Coming from a co-parent).”
“And honestly, that’s got to be pretty confusing for the child, especially now that their parents are living together and you moved out.”
“I’d leave this relationship.”
“Good luck.” ~ BriLoLast
“NTA, I’m amazed you stayed as long as you did.”
“Separated parents can co-parent apart, they just need to communicate – living together like that is just a bad idea.” ~ SilverTattoos
“You’re NTA, but you are being played like a fool.”
“Come on, she had her ex move back in.”
“Don’t let love fool you and open your eyes.”
“End this before you get any deeper in.” ~ okayhere21
“Like what the actual???”
“She’s using you clearly.”
“She’s also using her ex – you don’t know the story she’s feeding him – for babysitting ‘stability.'”
“Like???”
“You dodged a bullet by not being on the mortgage.”
“You can exit ANY TIME.”
“It’s likely that you’re paying 40% of the mortgage while the ex-husband is contributing another 40-60% of the mortgage.”
“WHO TAKES OUT A $5000 A MONTH MORTGAGE IN THIS ECONOMY?”
“Get out. And fast.”
“NTA. She’s delusional AND a user.”
“Don’t be taken advantage of.” ~ pseudolin
“NTA. Baby daddy can pay her $2k a month.”
“She has a lot of nerve expecting you to live in a household of 4 while paying 40% of the bills.”
“She’s using you.” ~ ToastetteEgg
“NTA. I mean if you’re living there, you owe something for that privilege, as you would pay rent elsewhere.”
“But no that whole situation sounds ridiculous with the ex moving in.”
“I’d have ended the relationship, to be honest.”
“Her daughter notwithstanding, this isn’t normal, especially if you’re in a new relationship.”
“You’re a boyfriend.”
“Not a husband.” ~ No-Pay-9744
“NTA. You made the right decision when you moved out.”
“Don’t follow it up with a wrong decision by moving back in.”
“Also, do not send her any more money – her (not) ex can pick up the slack.” ~ Dry_Mushroom7606
“NTA-I would seriously consider if you actually need this relationship, you have already said it has taken an emotional and mental toll on you which whilst the ex stays isn’t going to improve.”
“You were stretching yourself financially as well and seeing no benefit from doing it.”
“It seems your partner is using you.” ~ Ok_Brain_9264
“Absolutely 10,000 % percent NTA.”
“But that’s the least of your worries, to be honest.”
“Your GF having a whole a** affair right under your nose though.” ~ PersonalSignature585
“NTA. You’ve done everything right here.”
“You really need to end the relationship if you’re still in it.”
“She’s welcome to pursue whatever kind of arrangement with her ex that she wants, but you’re not obligated to be the 3rd wheel.”
“None of this is healthy for you.” ~ Inside_Team9399
“Run, don’t walk from this mess.”
“GF apparently wants it all, her house, substantial financial support from both you as well as her ex, parenting support from the ex, and from the sound of it, an intimate relationship with both of you.”
“Ah, nope, I don’t think so!”
“That would be a big, fat hell no on all counts.” ~ Proud-Cat-Mom-2021
“NTA. My, she was really having her cake and eating it too, wasn’t she?”
“Why would you pay rent when you don’t live there?”
“Because that’s what you were doing, you weren’t contributing to the mortgage.”
“Only people whose name is on the mortgage and deed do that, everyone else pays rent that the landlord might decide to use to pay the mortgage, buy food, or use to move their baby daddy in with them.” ~ Rare_Sugar_7927
“NTA. There are so many posts where the guy wants the girl to pay part of the mortgage when her name’s not on it.”
“And they’re not married.”
“Comment section on always rips him a new one.”
“Same s**t here.”
“Why you even paid a single dollar when your name’s not on it, is beyond me.”
“At least you realized how stupid it was.” ~ untitledfolder4
“On the bright side, you weren’t on the mortgage and didn’t sign a lease so you don’t have a financial obligation to her anymore.”
“She needs to do what’s best for her daughter, and you need to do what’s best for your mental health (I can’t imagine many people would be happy living with a partner and their ex). NTA.” ~ cassowary32
“NTA. I cannot fathom why she would possibly think you would help pay her mortgage when you’re not living there.”
“What the heck!”
“She shouldn’t have bought a house she can’t afford.”
“Not your problem.” ~ Kip_Schtum
“There is no way I’d be in a relationship with someone living with their ex—much less pay on their mortgage. NTA.” ~ The_bookworm65
“NTA. She wants your money, not you.” ~ minionofthenight
Reddit is with you, OP.
This isn’t “Three’s Company.”
This is its unpopular spin-off, “Three’s A Crowd,” but with an ex plus a kid.
You have every right to your feelings and actions.
It may be time to do a deep evaluation of this relationship.
Good Luck