When some people are preparing to get married, one of the things they look forward to is having the perfect wedding ring.
So much so, they might even lose track of what’s more important than that ring, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor razzle6620 looked on as her cousin was preparing to get married while using their grandmother’s wedding ring as an heirloom wedding band.
But when she saw what her cousin had done to it in order to create her dream wedding ring, the Original Poster (OP) was utterly heartbroken.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my cousin that she ruined a family heirloom?”
The OP’s cousin recently received their grandmother’s wedding ring.
“I (26 Female) have two cousins. My oldest cousin, ‘Jane’ (33 Female), is married. My other cousin, ‘Amy’ (28 Female), just got married. I am single.”
“Right before she got engaged last summer, our grandma gave Amy’s fiancé, ‘John,’ a diamond ring to propose with.”
The OP loved her grandmother’s heirloom wedding ring.
“This ring is a gorgeous white gold and diamond ring that our grandpa gave her. He died when our dads were teens.”
“My grandma has since remarried and always said that she’d pass on the ring.”
“I won’t lie, I’ve always loved that ring and hoped it would be me who would receive it, but I’m also the youngest cousin, so I tried to temper my expectations.”
“Mostly I was happy for Amy and glad the ring was staying in the family, and Jane agreed.”
But then Amy revealed her intentions for the ring.
“Fast forward to this weekend, which was Amy’s wedding. Neither Jane nor I were in the wedding but we both went to the hotel room where Amy was getting ready.”
“She asked if we wanted to see the rings. We were both confused but said sure.”
“And what she showed us was a gargantuan, tacky engagement ring and wedding band set.”
“I sputtered something like, ‘But I thought you were getting married with Grandma’s ring?'”
“Amy just smiled and said, ‘Yeah, it is Grandma’s ring!'”
“She explained that for her wedding gift, she asked John to ‘upgrade’ the ring into this monstrosity since he didn’t have to pay for an engagement ring in the first place. One of the diamonds was Grandma’s and then the white gold melted down to make one of her wedding bands but the rest was all new stuff.”
The family was torn over the ring’s transformation.
“I burst into tears, I was so shocked and hurt. I told her she destroyed our grandparents’ heirloom.”
“If she wanted a giant diamond to wear every day, that was her choice, but the ring was important to our family.”
“Amy got huffy and said she had to finish getting ready, so Jane and I left.”
“Jane was also upset but had the attitude of, ‘It’s Amy’s ring, there’s nothing we can do now.'”
“I told her I didn’t think Grandma would have given it to John and Amy if she knew she was going to take it apart.”
“I found Grandma and asked her if she knew what Amy had done.”
“Amy’s mom had told her that Amy had to have it resized and have the setting fixed, but Grandma had NO IDEA that it was made into an entirely new ring.”
“She didn’t say anything but I could tell she was upset.”
The wedding was visibly tense.
“The wedding went on, but everyone could tell that there was some awkwardness between me, Amy, and Jane, and Grandma refused to talk about the matter.”
“Amy is saying I owe her an apology, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong for saying she destroyed a family heirloom.”
“Plus, the fact that she didn’t tell anyone what she was doing and misled Grandma says to me she knew she was wrong, or at least knew it wouldn’t have been condoned.”
“I feel like she saw it not as an heirloom but as a way to subsidize what she really wanted.”
“I know the mature thing to do is just get over it and accept that it was given to Amy and she made her choice, but I’m finding it really hard to get over what she did.”
“Am I the a**hole for feeling the way I do?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was justified in how she felt about the alterations.
“Oh my god, NTA. Your poor grandmother that would break my heart a bit on her shoes… way to go, Amy, glad she got her gauche diamonds, lol (laughing out loud). She probably isn’t getting anything else from Grandma now.”
“Why even take the heirloom in the first place if you’re going to Frankenstein it, especially with so much emotional significance to it? I had a grandpa who passed early in his marriage to my grandma, I don’t think anyone in our family would do something like this with any of the jewelry he gave her, let alone a Wedding Ring?”
“Sorry, I am just so taken aback by this. So needless and wanky of the bride and a good way for her to sour relationships within the family by causing everyone to take sides which I’m sure they have done… big oof.” – veesacard
“I actually get emotional from this because I can relate, as well. My grandfather passed away long before I was born when my mother was 18.”
“His wedding ring was added to my grandmother’s, with three additional identical stones so it represented her five children. She still wears it to this day. I can’t imagine the pain I’d feel if someone melts it and uses it for parts after she passes.”
“NTA, and I’m so sorry.” – heyitsamb
“NTA. This is heartbreaking, and I am sad for you and your grandmother, OP.”
“This whole story is giving me major ’27 Dresses’ vibes and making me crave that level of petty revenge. Immature, I know, but so is destroying a cherished gift like a ring or gown simply for the pieces-parts.”
“OP, I wish I had good advice to help you get over this, but I don’t have any. Hug your grandmother extra tight, though. She likely could use it.” – Sataniceratops
“NTA. What kind of a**hole takes apart a family heirloom? You can’t be blamed for having an emotional reaction, and she’s so trashy for what she did.” – Chaos-in-a-CookieJar
Others thought the wedding was the wrong place to bring up her concerns.
“You brought this up AT THE WEDDING? Oh my god. YTA. Or everyone sucks.”
“But you handled it like an AH, for sure. You’re not entitled to this ring. It was given to Amy as a gift. And you made a stink of it AT THE WEDDING and ruined Grandma’s enjoyment of it. Little s**t.” – AllCatsAreBananers
“ESH. You (and grandma) are entitled to your feelings, but unless the ring were given to Amy on the understanding it would not be altered other than resizing so it could be passed on as a family heirloom, then she didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Once we give a gift, it’s the recipient’s to do with as they like. If Grandma wanted there to be conditions, that’s fine, but she should’ve been clear.”
“You picked the worst possible moment to give your two cents on how ugly the upgraded ring is. Plus, running to tell Grandma when you must have known it would cause upset during the wedding was childish.”
“The ring was changed already. All your outburst did was start the wedding off on an unhappy foot. Again, you’re entitled to your feelings, but I would’ve saved talking about it until after the wedding.”
“If you loved the original ring, find a pic of it, take it to a jeweler, and get a new one made up in the same image for yourself. You can do that regardless of whether you get married one day or not. The new ring can still be passed on as an heirloom in the spirit of Grandma’s ring.” – wrenwynn
“Maybe it’s because my family is a mess and we have no family heirloom, but when you gift something to someone without giving them any conditions, the person is ultimately allowed to do whatever they want with it.”
“Of course, it’s trashy to take your grandma’s ring and change it without even talking to her about it. But OP really reacted at the worst moment and in the wrong way. Calming down and waiting to have a civil discussion between Amy, the grandma, and her would have been the way to go. ESH.” – Houmouss
“I think that Amy suffered the natural consequence of destroying the heirloom ring: she knew it would upset OP and Grandma, did it anyway, and revealed it on her wedding day. Amy made her bed and doesn’t want to lie in it.”
“Maybe she thought they wouldn’t be upset, but maybe she thought they’d have to forgive her because it was her wedding day. So best case, Amy was thoughtless, and worst case, she was selfish and kinda conniving.”
“Long term, I’d forgive Amy but lose a lot of trust in her. I’d probably also apologize, just to keep the peace.”
“Like, ‘I’m not sorry for how I feel, but I am sorry that it came out on your wedding day. Right now I’m still upset at the destruction of our grandmother’s ring, but our relationship matters more to me than material things. I’ll get over it. I hope we can both move past this and remember your wedding for the awesome celebration of love that it was.'” – kotibi
Though the subReddit could understand the importance of the wedding ring and could empathize with how everyone felt about the alterations, some felt there was a proper time and place to discuss what had happened, and that was not at the wedding venue.
Hopefully, the OP would be able to find a way to make up to the bride the negative vibe she brought to the wedding, and perhaps even find a way to preserve the memory of her Grandmother’s wedding ring in a jewelry piece for herself.