Despite our best efforts, most of our time is spent around co-workers instead of family and friends. If you get along well with the people you work with, this is no issue.
But what happens when conflict arises? Redditor greenlightbasket asked herself the same thing when her coworker made some complaints about her engagement ring.
The original poster (OP) isn’t sure if she reacted the best way, but doesn’t necessarily think she did something wrong. To get some perspective, she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about what she said to her coworker.
And what she did beforehand.
“AITA for wearing my engagement ring to work?”
What did OP do to cause a problem?
“I, 26f(emale), got engaged to my fiancé Cruz, 25M(ale), 4 days ago. We’ve been dating for 2 years and we were friends for 2 years before that”.
“My future MIL gave my fiancé his great grandmothers (GGma) ring to propose with and it is absolutely gorgeous (he even had it altered to my ring size which he got when I was sleeping). His great grandfather personally hand made the ring and chose the accompanying diamonds since he was in the diamond business after the war ended and his GGma decided to pass it on as an heirloom when she died.”
“Now on Monday I wore my ring into work and I was so excited to show my girlfriends when we all went to lunch. I swear I didn’t flash it to everyone, I wasn’t being annoying, I only wanted to show my girlfriends, I didn’t want to create a big fuss (they were the only ones I told).”
“Well after lunch I got pulled aside by one of my coworkers, Sierra, who said that I was being unprofessional by showing off my ring. She told me I was being insensitive to my other female coworkers who wore their engagement rings and have smaller diamonds.”
“I was obviously confused and told her that issue isn’t my problem. She said I was being rude because it made her wedding ring look cheap in comparison to mine.
“She also told me that the ‘silent rule’ of big diamonds should only be worn after 5 years of marriage. After she was talking I told her I’m never going to take off this ring and she can suck it up basically.”
“She then started crying and walked out of work early.”
“I talked with my girlfriends and fiancé about it and they all agreed with me that it’s not my problem and I should continue wearing my ring but I still feel terrible that she started crying. AITA?”
All OP did was wear her ring to work and show it off to her friends. And her coworker took offense at that.
Sierra seemed to take the situation with the ring poorly and left the conversation crying. But is that OP’s fault for just wearing her engagement ring?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to not wear her engagement ring at work by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters agreed that OP doesn’t have any responsibility to Sierra in this situation. Her joy over her engagement ring doesn’t mean she should shove it in people’s faces, but she hadn’t been doing that. She had been very careful about just showing it to her friends.
Sierra elevated the issue herself, made up a fake “rule” about diamond rings, and created a problem where there was none. It was mountain made from a molehill.
The board was in agreement that OP was NTA.
“NTA. That ‘silent rule’ is silent because it doesn’t exist.”
“What about people who cannot afford diamonds? How many years have to pass before Sierra herself can wear her smaller diamond out of respect for those people?” – Slow-Bumblebee-8609
“Right?!? Lol, not sure if that’s a ‘rule’ her then-fiancé gave her for getting her a small stone or if that’s one she made up on the spot, but Sierra has some issues going on!”
“Congratulations to OP, who is clearly NTA in this situation.” – ReluctantVegetarian
“My wife’s engagement ring has an amethyst as its primary stone. It’s been less than 5 years so I wonder if it’s okay for her to wear since it’s a much bigger stone than most engagement rings, yet costs a fraction of what a diamond does?”
“OP, it’s nothing but ring envy. If your co-worker cried and had to go home early, it’s because she’s extra.”
“She can take the time off work and deal with her issues, you just wear your ring and be proud of your relationship.” – LawBird33101
“NTA. It’s not even like you flashed your ring in this person’s face, they decided to get in your business and upset themself in the process.”
“It would be like if someone broke into your house, located and rifled through your lingerie drawer, and then the next day wailed at you for having a bigger bra size” – DigDugDogDun
“Why wouldn’t you wear your engagement ring to work? EVERY woman I know shows off their ring when they get engaged.”
“I have never heard of this absurd ‘silent’ rule. Sierra is just jelly that you have a bigger diamond that her. NTA” – BengalBBQ
“Congratulations on the engagement and also on the NTA verdict.”
“I mean, you were at freaking lunch so you can be a smidge unprofessional (if it even was unprofessional to show your friends your ring.)”
“If your co-worker feels like she needs to compete about rings and you don’t, she is going to be eating her heart out all by herself.”
“Please, try to ignore her and have a great time planning and having your wedding.” – MonkeyMagic1968
Sierra seems to have some issues related her own engagement ring. It’s not OP’s fault that the ring caused her distress.
Maybe Sierra should consider looking into why this causes such an issue for her.
But a lot of the comments were looking at how OP should respond.
“Wu… Wa… Wait, WHAT”
“I’m not engaged, my girlfriend and I have no plans to get married nor do we personally feel the need to. I’m merely saying this to explain how I had never heard of any ‘rules’ concerning rings and all, not to say I question the concept of marriage.”
“In fact, I’m so happy for you, OP!”
“Sierra’s logic is… non-existent. I’m able to come up with far-fetched theories. For fun, or actually stretching things in a way that actually make sense.”
“My brain’s wired that way. But this?! If her ring’s too small compared to yours, she needs to take that up with her husband/wife/fiancé/partner!”
“Sierra’s a jealous Arsehole. Enjoy your engagement and yur eventual wedding, OP! Wear that ring with love and pride!”
“INFO: did Sierra report you at work?” – DynkoFromTheNorth
“She definitely made it all up because of her insecurities and issues, absolutely not AH nor unprofessional behaviour on your part.”
“IF (and that’s a big if) you want to get to the bottom of this and help clear the air, sit her down and politely explain that you are grateful for her suggestions but that you’d never heard of such a rule and was wondering where she’d heard it and which culture it belongs to.”
“Then tell her that you’re willing to hear her out and then just let her talk because there’s definitely a lot more under the surface there.”
“If not, just do you, be happy and have a wonderful wedding with your man.”
“NTA” – catsncoffeelife0
“I’m legit just curious her line of work tho.”
“Physician here and went with a tasteful ring. I work with a lot of street folk and it’s just not appropriate to have a flashy ring.”
“Lady was 100% wrong but I do think we have to think of our audience sometimes.” – Odd-Ad1606
“What audience? It’s her engagement ring. She’s just wearing it.”
“She’s under zero obligation to protect her insecure coworker’s feelings.” – QUESO0523
“You should absolutely report this, at least to your boss first as others have mentioned. And escalate it if needed.”
“They may need to mediate if she continues to make comments or begins fostering a negative work environment for you.” – Admirable-Fuel-71
“I say let it go. Sierra has mental health issues and relationship issues. Sounds like this was a one time issue with you and her.”
“HR doesn’t need to police every awkward encounter in the workplace. They could call Sierra in and she could say ‘OP made a racial comment in a meeting two years ago’ and this could blow back on you in a hurry.”
“You don’t need to start a battle with Sierra over who can get the other one fired first.” – ThurmansThief
In the end, OP did nothing wrong. She wore a ring to work.
While Sierra might have some problems with that, in the end they’re Sierra’s problems. OP doesn’t have anything to do with those issues.