Being a single parent is a tough job.
It takes a lot if relying on the village of people who can help.
It can be extra stressful when part of the village isn’t all that helpful.
That makes childcare even more of an issue.
Case in point…
Redditor babysmomisgone wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my sister I don’t trust her to watch my son?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m a 19 year old man with a 3 month old son.”
“His mother surrendered her rights and is no longer in the picture.”
“I work 4am-12pm at a gas station and I raise my son, that’s what I do these days.”
“Only one of my friends still speaks to me and hangs out with me.”
“I live at home with my parents and sister (21) and pay a small rent each month.”
“I can’t afford to move out with the baby.”
“My parents help me when they can.”
“My sister doesn’t like my son, she once told me she thinks he’s an annoyance and a hinderance.”
“If he cries she complains.”
“If there’s baby clothes in the laundry she complains.”
‘Basically the baby exists and that pisses her off.”
“I’m not perfect but I’m trying my best to be a good dad.”
“My sister has never offered to help with the baby beyond holding him briefly and she hasn’t done that more than about four or five times since he was born.”
“The other day my friend called and offered me a really great opportunity for some side-work.”
“He works construction and they needed an extra guy for some installation work.”
“Four hours and I’d get $400.00.”
“I jumped at it, any extra money can only help.”
‘I started trying to find a babysitter.”
“My sister was hanging out in the living room while I walked around the house on the phone.”
“I managed to find a sitter who said she didn’t want to be paid and went to get the baby ready.”
“My sister asked me why I didn’t ask her when she was sitting right there.”
“I told her I didn’t think she’d want to since she’d never offered to help before.”
“She told me it was different, this was for work and not just me wanting to sleep or whatever.”
“And he was about to go down for his nap and he’s pretty easy when first wakes up, she told me it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“I asked her why she didn’t say something between phone calls and she said she didn’t think she needed too because we’re family and family asks each other for help.”
“I reminded her of all the times she’d complained about the baby and me and called him names.”
“And told me she wished he’d never been born and asked her why she thought I’d ever trust her with my son.”
“She started crying and told me that wasn’t fair and I needed to remember that the whole house was dealing with a baby.”
“And she was just having a hard time adjusting but she’d never do anything to hurt him.”
“I told her she should have spoken to me about her feelings instead of acting like a child, took my son and left.”
“When I got home both my parents set in on me because my sister told them I’d accused her of bad intentions to the baby.”
“AITA for being honest when my sister offered to babysit?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Throw it back in their face and ask if they would have let someone watch you or your sister if that person said it, followed by nothing to prove they mean well and want to help.”
“Her actions behind her words are her intentions.”
“She hasn’t done anything and her reactions to your son is enough to prove it (why you don’t trust her).”
“She’s done nothing to show she can, will, nor wanted to.” ~ godhateswolverine
“‘Baby dude.’ What a wonderful name.”
“My dude, you are not even 20 yet and you already sound way more mature than lots of adults.”
“Kudos for you for defending your son and trying to help him.”
“You are absolutely NTA and I hope you and your kid have nothing but a wonderful life.” ~ Aliccy
“Yeah. Oof. They couldn’t be more wrong if they tried.”
“Some people are, yah, but not the majority, not even close.”
“And I would put someone making comments like she’s made squarely in the camp if not a natural caregiver.”
“She doesn’t even sound like a particularly caring aunt with the attitude she’s evinced so far.”
“Venting is one thing, but to say those kinds of things about and around a new parent and their baby is inexcusable.”
“Yes, new babies can be annoying, I’ve dealt with plenty.”
“But you can’t go around dropping red flags and expect someone to trust you with something so precious to them.” ~ RorhiT
“NTA. She only offered because she thinks she’ll be paid.”
“Your instincts are correct.”
“With everything she’s said about your son she’d be the very last name on the list.”
“Remind your parents of the comments she’s made.”
“You have no reason at ALL to trust her when it comes to your kid.”
“ETA: thinks she’ll be paid as she heard brother offered to pay even though she declined payment.” ~ godhateswolverine
OP responded…
“See, I did remind my parents of every time she said something negative.”
“And they said that was just her being her and I should know that she’d step up when I need her.”
“Apparently I’m not supposed to judge people’s intentions based on their words.”
“I quoted some of the stuff I’ve heard her say or that she’s said to me and they had the audacity to tell me that things overheard didn’t count.”
“Because people are allowed to vent, and that ‘people are natural caregivers, they just the opportunity.'”
“So then I brought child abuse statistics and asked where their opportunities failed and they told me to go to my room.”
“Me, a 19 year old man with a child, got sent to my room.”
“Jokes on them, me and Baby Dude took a nap together and then we had a bath and it was fantastic.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. ‘Her being her’ doesn’t entitle her to babysit your child who she’s shown nothing but disdain for.”
“She says she wouldn’t do anything to harm him but she also gives off the vibe she’d do the absolute minimum and only like him if he’s being easy.”
“Don’t risk your child because your sister got her feelings hurt for being called out for being an a**hole.” ~ Calvo838
“Or she purposefully waited until a sitter was arranged so she could have an easy opportunity to play the victim.”
“She could obviously hear OP making calls, and didn’t speak up until he found someone.”
“Then, she was quick to turn on the waterworks when he called her out on the sh*t she’d said about his kid.”
“And THEN, she went crying to mommy and daddy, making OP sound like the bad guy.”
“She might as well hold up a huge sign that says ‘I’M A BIGGER BABY THAN MY BROTHER’S THREE MONTH OLD!!!’ NTA.” ~ White_Wolf_Dreamer
“NTA. Kudos to you, OP, for busting your a** to be a good dad.”
“Your sister clearly has issues with your kid, so her watching him for an extended period, napping or not, seems like a bad idea.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ nun_atoll
“NTA ,and I wanted to add to what others have said about you already being a brilliant Dad for stepping up and taking care of your son.”
“I can’t imagine how hard it must be and yes I’m sure you’ll make mistakes along the way, like parents of any age!”
“But your son is obviously loved and that is the most important thing in the world.” ~ Many-Rest
OP came back with an update…
“ETA: Apparently God is on my side right now.”
“The lady I mentioned in the post who babysat my son for me, she goes to church with my mom and when I dropped my son off I explained that I was having trouble finding a sitter or paying for daycare.”
“She called the pastor and explained the situation and two days a week my son can attend the church nursery school from 7am-12pm for free!!”
“And the lady has offered to take my son one day a week during the same time-frame and has also found another lady who will take him for one day a week, same time-frame.”
“The ladies both requested $50.00, which I’m happy to pay.”
“That means there’s only one day a week and three hours in the mornings that I need childcare and my mom has agreed to watch him for the three hours and drop him off!”
“I still have to figure out Fridays but Monday-Thursday are covered.”
“I can breathe again.”
Well, OP Reddit understands your feelings.
It sounds like you’re doing your dad job the best you can.
Hopefully you and your sister can one day find peace.
Good luck to you and little dude.