Good natured teasing is often part of a family dynamic.
But how far is too far?
A father who wondered if he stepped over the line with his adult daughter turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor ThrowAwayWorkerWales asked:
“AITA for teasing my daughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (25) has always been into Japanese cartoons and Japanese music, something I have never really understood, as I find it rather childish.”
“Over the years I have teased her slightly when she’s watched her programs.”
“Recently she’s started watching Korean dramas on Netflix and she has to have the subtitles on which annoys me because I feel like you’re missing things in the actual program.”
“Again I teased her slightly about her liking Korean/Japanese things and I teased her about this boyband she really likes since I would have thought she’d grown out of the boyband stage by now.”
“About 2 months ago I found out that she was learning Korean and again I teased her for it, saying it be more use for her to learn Chinese (since it’s a one of the most required languages in the world) or Welsh, since we live in Wales.”
“She then blew up at me, calling me a judgmental a**hole, saying she did learn Welsh IN SCHOOL, but she never used it so she can’t speak it well anymore.”
“That at least she would be able use Korean and Japanese even if it is only to watch programs or listen to music and that any language on her CV will be a welcome addition, that it could possibly open new doors to her.”
“She hasn’t spoken to me since, so it makes me wander if I was the a**hole for teasing her.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole and the scenario resonated with many of them.
“YTA. I got picked on by my mom for liking kpop in high school (and other interests growing up) and it makes me more reluctant to share my interests with her.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being 25 and into those things; in fact, it’s hip now.” ~ Nazeebi
“I barely share anything I’m interested in with my parents for the same reasons.”
“This person is absolutely an a**hole and a bully to their child.” ~ Sleepyfrog9
“Same here. My parents either mocked or showed very little interest in my hobbies.”
“So I don’t tell them what I like except if it’s something I suspect they’ll respond positively too.” ~ aurumphallus
“I hate how I have to do this around my parents.”
“I took a few semesters of Japanese in college and I refused to speak any or talk about it around my parents after all the crazy they gave me liking Manga and anime when I was younger.” ~ Zelkova25
“Yeah, my parents wanted to know why I never let them read anything I wrote.”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s that you literally mocked everything I loved and this feels WAY too vulnerable?” ~ fishmom5
“I used to like all that J-pop, K-pop, J-drama, and K-dramas like 15-20 years ago, in the early 2000s, and my mom constantly made fun of me.”
“She recently got addicted to them when they were added to Netflix. You bet I rubbed it in her face; biggest ‘I told you so!'” ~ MageVicky
“I mean the implicit racism is strong here. As if other cultures are inherently childish.
“Kpop, Jpop, and anime are massive, complicated industries that require a lot of hard work and dedication etc…” ~ apollowithawig
“Yuuuup. My mother wondered why I never shared anything with her once I hit a certain age.”
“She never understood that no matter what I shared with her, I was going to be relentlessly mocked and teased for it.”
“It was a hard lesson to learn to never give her any kind of ammunition of any kind.” ~ PouncingFox
“One of my kids went through a Kpop phase. Couple of times actually.”
“I don’t get most of the attraction, but discovered that I like some of the Black Pink songs.”
“Never make fun of your kids interests.”
“Even if you don’t get it, they do and I wouldn’t want anyone to make fun of my interests.” ~ Amara313
Plenty of Redditors asked why bullying and mocking his daughter was so important to the OP.
“YTA she can like whatever movies and TV and music she wants. You don’t like subtitles, a lot of people don’t care.”
“Then you teased your daughter for learning a language. I can’t even fathom that.” ~ redditor191389
“YTA because you’re using the word ‘teasing’ to describe how you pick at her and annoy her and spoil her pleasure in her interests because she has to listen to you tell her she’s childish or misguided for liking these things.”
“Honestly, why do you enjoy ruining her enjoyment with your stupid teasing? She obviously dislikes it and thinks you’re an a**hole for doing it.”
“Do you think anybody is going to tell you ‘Sure, keep on picking at your daughter and enjoying seeing her be annoyed?'”
“‘Teasing’ is often only fun for the a**hole doing the teasing.”
“Why don’t you take an honest interest in your daughter’s hobbies instead of intentionally making her feel bad for having them?” ~ NoxWild
“OP is using teasing instead of the actually word bullying. YTA.” ~ MaddyKet
“YTA. Stop bothering her with your limited view on the world.” ~ FlameMoss
“OP, Japan has an immensely diverse culture regarding animation/comics, etc…”
“Even if she’d only be interested in the ‘childish’ stuff, that should be fine, but don’t think you know what Asian media is about if you haven’t actually ever tried to explore the topic.” ~ Decimk
“Maybe he’s not actually interested Just wanted some entertainment at the cost of his relationship with his daughter.” ~ InteractionUpper3409
“Yes, ‘entertainment’ is right.”
“I do not understand why so many people excuse this kind of deliberate meanness by saying ‘Oh, it’s only teasing! Stop taking it so seriously!'”
“It’s such an obvious lie. The ‘teaser’ enjoys inflicting discomfort and distress. They have a good time watching their victim get angry or embarrassed.”
“I’ve taught people to respond to the ‘I’m only teasing’ lie with, ‘No, you aren’t. You’re being a nasty little sh*t. Stop acting like you don’t know what you’re doing. Quit talking to me’.”
“When their unpleasantness is called out, they might stop. If it’s not called out, they’ll keep on taking their sick pleasure in causing unhappiness.” ~ NoxWild
Good natured teasing might be part of a family dynamic. But teasing can easily become mocking and belittling.
But knowing when to stop or when the teasing is not funny or appreciated is important.
Remember, if the other person isn’t laughing, it’s not a joke.
No parent should become their own child’s bully.