Dietary restrictions for some people can be a lot to handle for others.
Some relationships, whether intimate or casual, can break down over seemingly minor issues, such as menu options.
It can be especially cumbersome when one person is the main chef in a household.
Eat what or served or not at all isn’t just a sentence; often, it’s a mantra.
Redditor Thick-Side-7236 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITAH for not making soft veggies?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (68 F[emale]) have been married to husband (73 M[ale]) for 20 years.”
“Every time I cook fruits or veggies with meals, he won’t eat them.”
“Sometimes I don’t bother or I cook something I like, then he sits there and says s**t like, ‘I can’t believe you are eating that!’ or ‘How can you eat that, it looks like ****.”
“This went on for years.”
“I mostly ignored him.”
“Now he has severe stomach problems and was given a special diet, including soft-boiled veggies.”
“He says to me, ‘I guess you were right.'”
“After years of hearing his nasty comments about the veggies and fruits I eat, now, because his health is damaged, he expects me to cook him special veggies.”
“I told him to ‘go visit the microwave section of the store, I’m not cooking that soggy s**t for you.'”
“Now I’m enjoying the silent treatment.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He was rude for 20 years and clearly doesn’t bother to cook for himself.”
“You are not his slave.”
“You are his wife.”
“You can be supportive in other ways.”
“He can feed himself.”
“He needs dietary modifications, not life support.” ~ eowynsheiress
“She is 68 and he is 73 years old.”
“This is exactly what all these 20-year-old ‘Alphas’ are complaining about.”
“They want women like their mommies and grandmas – you know – women who will quietly put up with male bulls**t, cause this is what they were trained to do.”
“OP, hold out, that he is bound to die in the next couple of years, and you get what many women of your generation hold out for – a dead husband, the retirement money, and peace and quiet while enjoying your friend group.”
“And I love your act of defiance – ‘go visit the microwave section of the store, I’m not cooking that soggy s**t for you.’ Gangster!!!”
“Written by a woman.” ~ SignificantDrink3651
“You tolerated 20 years of his snide remarks about the foods you like to eat (aside from the fact that those are healthy!)”
“Completely understandable that you would snap at some point. Enjoy!”
“Absolutely NTA.” ~ Spiritual-Bridge3027
“NTA. Let him add his choices to the grocery shopping list and have the shit delivered.”
“Let him take a cutting board, a knife, and his food to the table to chop up.”
“Prop his sorry a** against the stove to do his own cooking.”
“Be sure to add in commentary on his food.”
“He had his 20 years.”
“Now it’s your turn.” ~ SuchAd7479
“Has he apologized?”
“Not just ‘I guess you were right that vegetables are healthy,’ but ‘I’m sorry for insulting and berating you for two decades?'”
“Because I think you need to tell him that your feelings are incredibly hurt by the way he’s treated you regarding food for your entire marriage, and tell him that you’re upset about it, and that you need him to understand that’s not an acceptable way to treat someone he claims to love.”
“Because this isn’t really about vegetables, it’s about respect.” ~ annang
“Let him handle his own food.”
“His health is the way it is due to his own behavior.”
“There is no need to be cruel, but he is capable of doing his own cooking.”
“None of that is your responsibility.” ~ AliceOdd
“NTA. He can cook his own food.”
“Take turns cooking or something.” ~ 37_lucky_ears
“NTA. He gets overboiled cauliflower for dinner every night.” ~ PlantManMD
“You have been married for 20 years.”
“Do you love him?”
“If so, cook together.”
“Will you regret not steaming veggies an extra 5 minutes when he is gone, or do you want to leave this relationship?”
“If you are not willing to at least cook together now that he has realized he made a bad mistake, then you should leave him.”
“If that sentence seems ridiculous to you, cook the dang veggies and find other moments of joy.”
“Life is short.” ~ MadTownMich
“Boiling veggies is not complicated.”
“Husbad can do it himself.”
“It doesn’t sound as if he’s willing to lift a finger to feed himself, never mind cook together. NTA.”
“Why should she ‘just cook the veggies?'”
“I’m guessing she’s also doing everything else as well if he can’t even boil veggies.”
“Time for husband to do something for himself for a change instead of asking his mommy to do it for him.”
“She insulted her for decades, and she’s supposed to just forget about it and move on?”
“Life is indeed too short to spend it catering to a cantankerous old man.” ~ hopelesscaribou
“NTA. I don’t know why anyone is saying you suck, too… I mean, dude has neglected his health for 20 years.”
“You’ve tried to have healthy options available and been berated for it.”
“He’s a grown a** adult, he should be eating his damn veggies!”
“So now that you served a little bit of rude back to him, you’re also an AH!? F no!”
“He can put on his big boy pants and microwave his vegetable mush.”
“It is his negligence that got him here.”
“Could you do it for him?”
“Of course, but he’s going to be less likely to complain about it and try to make it feel like your fault.”
“It’ll be a reminder that he did this himself, and it feels like he could use a little accountability.” ~ doubleentendrewear
“NTA, why are you cooking for him at all?”
“He doesn’t need a vagina to work the microwave or stove, and they let men shop now.”
“I am disabled and can feed myself; he can figure it out.”
“Why are you putting up with this whining from a grown man?”
“What a toddler.”
“Even a child like him can do this.” ~ shelwood46
“NTA. Because if he criticises you for twenty years, the chances are that even if you make soft-boiled vegetables for him, he’ll still find something to be snarky about.”
“You can’t make food according to his preferences.”
“He can’t let you have your own food according to your own preferences without commenting.”
“What makes people think that this will change once he’s obliged to eat food he refused for so long?”
“If he cooks for himself, at least he can’t tell her she’s doing it wrong.”
“I wouldn’t take revenge now that you have the chance.”
“That’s how you lose the moral high ground that now you hold (and he knows it well).”
“Just let him fend for himself when it comes to greenery.” ~ SpiritedLettuce6900
“NTA, considering the circumstances.”
“If he hadn’t been such a rude a** all these years, then it might have been reasonable for him to expect you to help him with his dietary needs, but he’s been insulting your cooking all this time.”
“He shouldn’t expect favors now.” ~ gahidus
“NTA. Karma’s a bit*h.” ~ Anxious_Reporter_601
“ESH, why have you let yourself live like this for twenty years?”
“It sounds like you hate each other, and now you’re moving into the most medically fragile years of your life in a partnership where neither of you wants to care for the other, and you’re happy when he’s not even talking to you.”
“What is the point of this kind of dual misery?” ~ ExtraplanetJanet
“NTA, he is very capable of cooking for himself.” ~ Suitable_Doubt7359
“NTA, why are you still with him?”
“It sounds like he doesn’t respect you or treat you kindly.” ~ -UnknownGeek-
“It’s never too late to get divorced.” ~ D3rangedButFun
“NTA – there was no reason for him to be an AH about what you were eating.”
“You do not have to cook a special meal for him.”
“Cook your veggies and make enough for him, and he can either finish cooking it to his required texture or nuke it to soften it up.” ~ Maukita
“I’m the cook in my relationships.”
“Every single one I’ve had that’s been serious enough.”
“If I get complaints (like the above, not constructive criticism), I stop cooking for the person.”
“Someone does not get to relax while I cook and serve them, then complain while watching TV, while enjoying a home-cooked meal, when they know damn well they can barely boil water for Ramen.”
“It rarely happens afterward.”
“There are no warnings of getting cut off.”
“And I make exactly enough for me and my dogs (yes, I spoil them, theirs isn’t seasoned).”
“Because who tf do you think you are that I do something out of the kindness of my heart and you complain about it, then EXPECT it again. No.”
“Maintaining eye contact while serving my pups their portions (the last of the food), then taking my full plate and eating in front of the TV myself.”
“I do not want love without respect.”
“And if I get disrespected, I no longer treat you special.” ~ Motionless_Attitude
“NTA. Sounds like his chickens have come home to roost.”
“You don’t have to be a doormat to someone who doesn’t appreciate you.” ~ Maelienydd_Cymru
Reddit is backing you, OP.
Your husband is reaping what he sowed.
He spent years mocking you.
He is an adult; he can cook his own meals.
You enjoy your personal cuisine.
Good Luck.