We can all agree that there are dealbreakers in every relationship.
And stealing from someone’s parents should definitely be on the list of dealbreakers, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ImaginaryNet2379 wasn’t sure what to do when she discovered that her daughter-in-law had stolen a large amount of money from her while using her credit card.
But when she refused to pay the couple back, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure how to proceed.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for suing my DIL (Daughter-in-Law)?”
The OP had a good relationship with her son and daughter-in-law.
“Our son and DIL (26 Female) have been together for two years and live together. (They aren’t married, but referring to her as ‘DIL’ is easier for the sake of storytelling.)”
“We’ve always thought she was a very nice girl, and she seems to make my son happy, so no problem from us.”
“Our son has his own law firm that he’s currently trying to get started. We’re very proud of him, and we’re fortunate enough to help him with a start-up loan.”
“My DIL works a retail job, that she’s very happy with.”
But then the OP’s DIL did something unexpected.
“Some time ago, my husband and I were over at their apartment, and we decided to order some food.”
“My husband and I wanted to pay, and since DIL was ordering from her phone, we gave her our card number, so she could draw the money from our account.”
“We thought it goes without saying this was to draw an amount once, for the lunch.”
“However, DIL apparently put our card into her Apple Pay and has been using it since.”
This led to an argument between the OP and her DIL.
“We didn’t notice for some months but recently saw withdrawals we didn’t recognize.”
“We had our accountant look into it, and he discovered that our DIL has been using our card on her phone and that she’s spent around 17K.”
“We were quite shocked and called her up and asked why the hell she’s been using our card.”
“She got very defensive, tried to deny it, and eventually said she was entitled to it. She questioned why we would care since we haven’t noticed her use for over four months.”
“We told her she needed to pay us back immediately or we’d report her actions for theft.”
“She apparently doesn’t have the money to pay us back.”
Then the OP’s son got involved.
“We’ve gone to our son, and he’s offered to pay us back even though he actually cannot afford to.”
“This isn’t about the money for us but more about the fact that she’s stolen a huge amount of money.”
“While we are comfortable and it took us time to notice, we still recognize the seriousness of stealing $17,000 USD.”
“Our son has completely dismissed her behavior and excused it as her being stressed.”
“She’s taken no responsibility, and we’re honestly wanting to go forward with the police report to teach her the consequences of her actions.”
“Would we be the AH for doing this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were concerned about what this said about the daughter-in-law.
“If the DIL is this entitled, I have a feeling one day she won’t have a problem stealing from the son’s law firm or something else that could get him in serious trouble!”
“The son is looking at things through rose-colored, in-love glasses, but trusting a person like this can really ruin someone’s life. Your son might be angry, but in the long run, you might also be saving him from a worse fate, OP!”
“The audacity of this girl. I don’t care who it is, how close I am to them, or how much money they have. Never in a million years would I ever steal like this! I wonder if she tried to tell the son it was an ‘accident’ and her phone just ‘happened to save the card.'”
“She knew exactly what she was doing! A broke person doesn’t blow 17k in four months, they’re careful with their money. I don’t spend that much money on myself in three years, let alone four months, for f**k’s sake!”
“This was no accident, OP, press charges.”
“Someone who steals is not a person you can ever trust to have in your life. I don’t care if it’s $20 or $20k when someone is dishonest like that and is comfortable being dishonest you need to cut them out of your life.” – Bizzybody2020
“One year for my sister’s birthday, I put my card on my cousin’s Uber account since I was paying for all the drinks and rides. Six months later, I noticed frequent charges totaling $300 and when I called to report fraud, they told me the account name was attached.”
“Turns out my cousin thought she changed it back, but she didn’t realize because it was her parents’ card originally attached to her account so she wouldn’t have ever noticed. She immediately deleted my card and paid me back.”
“NTA, OP. This situation was clearly not the same as mine. It is clear your son’s GF did this purposefully and maliciously.” – Careless-bullfrog602
“She is bad news, especially for an attorney. If she gets into his company, starts siphoning funds, whatever (I lack imagination here), she could truly damage his reputation, etc.” – Intelligent-Risk3105
“If it’s basically been stolen, I would report it to the card company and declare them all fraudulent purchases so they can remove the charges at least.”
“I feel bad for the parents. The son is clearly wanting to just pay them back and put it behind them, but this woman is a complete loser to blatantly rob his parents. He needs to leave that insane woman, but he never will, and any mention of it by the parents will ostracize the parents.”
“If the son has his own firm and is doing well if imagine he has 17k. But I really don’t agree with him bailing that terrible woman out. I’d report them as fraudulent purchases to the card company at the very least and let whatever happens, happen.”
“Unfortunately, the relationship may be strained with the son, but this woman needs to be put in her place.” – notislant
“I have a sneaking suspicion that the son was privy to this.”
“He’s a lawyer and the best defense he could come up with is, ‘She’s stressed?'”
“Maybe I’m projecting because this sounds like something my brother would convince a girlfriend to do. He feels entitled, gets to reap the benefits, and throws her under the bus if it goes south.” – Interesting-Wait-101
Others were hung up on just how much was spent in four months.
“I accidentally used my friend’s card ONCE, when they paid for food one time and I accidentally used their card the next time I ordered food.”
“But I promptly told them what happened, paid them back, and deleted their card from my phone. $50 could be an accident. $17,000, no way in he*l.” – stiletto929
“This b***h felt entitled to use it and 17k in four months is outrageous. That’s over 4k a month! That’s not groceries and a few necessities. That’s clear splurging and advantage-taking.”
“I don’t know how you don’t notice that. I check my credit card every day. Try going to the police first. At least get a police report, and you can try disputing the charges with your credit card company and even have them go after her for fraud.”
“I hope you have texts admitting the guilt. Try to get her to agree to a repayment plan of $100 per month in a text to get her to admit if not. She deserves to be arrested for the theft.”
“It’s possible they will tell you it’s a civil case. In that case, you will likely only be able to sue in small claims and get whatever your jurisdiction is if your lucky it’s typically 5k. And then she doesn’t have the money to pay you back, you may never see it and put a line on her car. It will suck, and you may never see a dime.”
“I would at least try the police and if not report it to your credit card and have them go after her. Try punishment first in case you can never recover your money because unfortunately, you may not.”
“ETA, she didn’t even apologize. She is not sorry she stole from you. Definitely go to the police. Your son has to see the person he married is a terrible woman who stole from his own parents. No matter how much money you have.” – RavenLunatyk
“At first, I thought maybe it was an accident that it got put in her Apple Pay. Some people, even younger people, are not as technologically savvy as we think they might be.”
“But then they said it was $17k. No one accidentally spends $17k that they knew da*n well they didn’t have to begin with.”
“AND THEN her response on top of the sheer amount of money she spent. Whew. That was a doozy.”
“Their poor kid better wake up and take a hard long look at where his relationship is heading, and scan the past for other red flags. Her behavior is not likely to be a one-time offense with an attitude like that.” – CatmoCatmo
“Also $17k in four months in consumer spending is A HE*L OF A LOT for a couple without children.”
“Like, rent or student loans would be one thing, but you usually can’t put those on a credit card. Medical debt, maybe? But it seems like a shopping spree.” – AliMcGraw
“Who in the he*l steals $17k from their future in-laws because they’re ‘stressed’? And what the heck did she spend all that money on?”
“The son’s willingness to accept the behavior, particularly as someone starting a law firm, makes me wonder about his own ethical boundaries. And he’s putting his parents in a he*l of a position: Accept his offer to pay them back while knowing that they are hampering him as he starts a new business, accept the loss of $17K, or have DIL dearest charged with the felony she deserves.”
“The part about her feeling ‘entitled’ to their money would make me want to go for the nuclear option, but I realize they may want to not make waves with their son.” – Peep_Power_77
Not only was the subReddit shocked that the daughter-in-law took this money and didn’t apologize or return it, but the OP’s son was still in a relationship with her.
Already living together with his own law firm on the horizon, the subReddit hoped the son knew what he was doing with someone willing to take so much money from his family.