Several morning routines in one household rarely go smoothly.
Everyone is in their own zone.
One of the most stressful parts is the use of the shared bathroom.
Redditor AzelPatate wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my sister she can’t use the bathroom?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a twenty-year-old disabled person.”
“I get up at 6:30 AM every day, and have to leave home at 8:00 AM to go to work. “
“I take meds in the morning, and I have to wait 30 minutes after taking them before I can eat my breakfast (or it won’t work).”
“I also sometimes take longer to shower since my mobility is reduced and I might need to sit (and I have a hard time washing my hair).”
“I’m waking up extra early just for this, even though I have chronic fatigue and need to sleep longer than average.”
“I also go to bed between 8:00 PM and 8:30 PM to try to meet my needs, but it’s still not enough.”
“So I wake up, take my meds, go to shower, when I have my underwear on, I go back to my room to get ready, and only then can I eat breakfast.”
“And I still have to make my lunch for work.”
“My sister’s 15 and she’s waking up at the last minute every day to go to her high school.”
“She showers at night, and she’s the only one with a room that can be locked.”
“So she doesn’t need to lock herself in the bathroom or get dressed in there.”
“But every morning, I’m trying to go shower, and she’s inside the bathroom, locked, for 20 minutes, just to get dressed.”
“So every morning, I get pissed, ’cause she has other options and is blocking me from getting ready.”
“And when I’m trying to explain this to her (a bit annoyed, I’ll admit), my sister’s screaming at me or straight up lying in my face about what she’s doing, and our mother is getting mad at ME for being mean, saying it’s not worth it and it’s not that important anyway.”
“Like I’m dramatic.”
“In their opinion, it’s not a big deal; she can use the bathroom whenever she wants, and I’m just impatient.”
“But I’m trying to be respectful and let her use the bathroom for its intended use at the hours she needs it.”
“I’ll wait for her to use it or go brush my teeth and hair extra early for her to be able to use the bathroom freely at her usual hours.”
“It’s not the first time my sister and my mother told me I’m in the wrong in this situation, so I’m starting to worry they might be right.”
“But to me, it’s just poor time management and a lack of consideration from her side.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. As someone who also has a chronic illness and a disability, not everything can revolve around us; we do need to be fair.”
“Your sister is entitled to use the bathroom for 20 minutes in the morning for whatever purpose she likes.”
“You know how long she’s in there for and when; work around it.”
“Having a sibling with extra needs is hard.”
“Don’t cause issues where they needn’t be any.” ~ Minimum_Schedule6155
“YTA. Sorry, but… wake up at 7 am – she’s on her way out the door, and you get extra sleep.”
“Meds at 7, in shower by 7.10.”
“Shower and get dressed in peace. Breakfast 7.30-8.00.”
“Leave for work at 8.”
“Really easy solution, and you get an extra bit of sleep.”
“Make lunch the night before if 7.10 – 8.00 might not be enough time to shower, dress, have breakfast, and make lunch, but from your timeline currently, it should be.” ~ Educational-While202
“YTA Your sister leaves for school at 7 am, giving you a whole hour to do your thing in the bathroom after she’s gone.”
“No reason why you can’t do other things like making your lunch before 7 am, or you could get up at 6h15 so you can eat breakfast at 6h45.”
“Shared bathrooms require compromise, and you don’t get to demand uninterrupted access to the bathroom for 90 minutes, when your sister only wants 20min.” ~ doublethebubble
“YTA, and even though everyone is pointing this out, you are still arguing why everyone needs to arrange their schedule around you.”
“You seem completely unwilling to change anything about your morning routine.”
“If you’re waking up at 6:30, and she’s gone by 7, it seems very easy for you to just shower at 7.”
“You said it takes 10-15 minutes to shower, so that still gives you 45 minutes to get dressed.”
“Wake up, take your meds, and go prepare your lunch.”
“If you’re too tired to be making lunch as you claim, then you definitely shouldn’t be standing in a slippery shower stall.”
“My kids can easily take 20-30 minutes in the bathroom in the morning when not showering.”
“Brushing teeth, hair, washing their face, and doing skin care, etc.”
“No makeup, but right there, that’s 20 minutes.”
“It is unreasonable for you to tell your sister that she can’t be in the bathroom for 20 minutes in the morning before school.” ~ Independent_Pay649
“Your every comment boils down to ‘Everyone needs to change to accommodate ME!'”
“If she leaves for school at 7 am, that gives you a full hour to yourself before leaving at 8 am.”
“Get up, take your meds, make your lunch while she’s in the bathroom (why wait and do that later?), then shower and dress after she leaves.”
“YTA for trying to make everyone cater to you.” ~ wesmorgan1
“YTA. She has to go to school by seven.”
“You have to go to work by 8.”
“She gets first dibs on the bathroom.”
“You are trying to block her from getting ready too; she has to go to the bathroom, brush her teeth and hair, wash her face, etc.”
“You are not the only person who needs time to get ready in the morning, and she has to leave first by a full hour.”
“What are YOU doing in the bathroom that an hour is not enough time??” ~ DarkHorseAsh111
“YTA. You have your routine, and your sister has hers. 20 minutes isn’t going to throw your whole day off, and she’ll be gone way before you.” ~ hoagieam
“YTA. Take a look at your schedule with clear eyes, and the solution is obvious.”
“Your sister leaves for school at 7.00. You get up at 6.30 now, so change that to 6.25.”
“Then, take your meds, make your lunch, prepare your breakfast, eat it at 6.55 — and the bathroom is all yours from 7.00-8.00.”
“I have every sympathy with chronic fatigue, believe me.”
“But you are not living alone, and others also have needs.”
“Getting ready in the morning is a dance with predictable steps, and you’re being unnecessarily rigid here.”
“There’s more than one way to make your routine work, and you’re allowing your resentment of your sister to cloud your view.” ~ IllustriousBowler259
“OP is NTA.”
“If the sister is only showering, fine, but in a shared bathroom, you only use the room when using the water.”
“Make up, hair and clothes are in YOUR ROOM.”
“Put on a robe after the shower and get dressed in your room.”
“I live in a house with 4 adults.”
“This is how it is handled.” ~ alcohall183
“This is annoying, but I don’t understand why you can’t do the non-bathroom stuff while she’s using it, like meds and making food, and then shower and get ready when she’s done.”
“She leaves before you, so it makes sense that she would use it first.”
“You have an hour after she leaves to get ready.”
“You don’t have to be freshly showered to make lunch.”
“Personally, I would also change in the bathroom if I knew you were going to try to slip in before me to shower when I still needed to brush my teeth and put on my makeup when I need to leave earlier.” ~ mothwhimsy
OP came back with an Update…
“I live in France, and in most houses/apartments the toilets are in a separate room.”
“And the sinks and the shower/bath are in another room.”
“That is the case in our apartment, so we can all go to the toilets freely if the bathroom is used and locked.”
“I do try to pack my lunch in advance, usually the Sunday for the next week, but sometimes I physically can’t do so, and my sister regularly steals my lunch when I’m not home.”
“I didn’t mention this issue because I didn’t want to influence people.”
“We already tried to solve this problem by organizing the fridge (one shelf per person), but it still happens.”
“I also can’t afford to eat out, I’m not financially comfortable, and I plan my groceries really thoroughly to be economical, meet my needs, and last the whole week.”
“My sister showers at night, and I make sure to take my precautions before she comes home so she can get clean after coming home.”
“I shower in the morning, but keep the door unlocked for everyone to use the rest of the facilities and do what they have to do while I’m in the shower.”
“Everyone knows I don’t mind, and that’s how we do it on the weekend, so I know it’s not a problem for anyone either.”
Reddit has some problems with your actions, OP.
It’s not fair to expect everyone to mold their schedule around you.
If your sister has to be out first, it makes sense for her to get ready first.
Maybe you can all sit down and calmly make a schedule chart to follow.
Good Luck.