One of the greatest heartbreaks will always be realizing that a friend does not care about us the way that we care about them.
And that realization has a way of showing up at some of the most hurtful moments, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor bunbun66 was taken aback when her best friend of many years, who’d already expressed her desire for her to move to her area and babysit for her in the future, was not inviting her to her gender reveal party.
When she offered no explanation, the Original Poster (OP) felt she had no other choice but to wonder how much her friend actually cared about her.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting to being hurt that my best friend told me I’m not invited to her gender reveal party?”
The OP’s birthday was squashed by some sad news.
“Yesterday was my birthday. My best friend (24 Female) and her husband came to spend my birthday with my husband and me (25 Female).”
“Everything started great: she gave me a gift bag she made for me, and we shared a special moment.”
“Not 15 minutes later, her husband (28 Male) let us know that next week they’re having a gender reveal party and that we are not invited.”
“I have been there for her so much through her pregnancy. I’m the only one who’s been able to comfort her and answer her concerns. She confides in me all the time, so this was really out of nowhere.”
The OP was really hurt by their decision.
“To make things worse, her husband doubled down for them this morning at breakfast, saying that we are again not invited, but they can tell us after the party via a FaceTime call.”
“This is literally my lifelong best friend. I’ve included her in every big life event I’ve ever had, and she normally does the same. I’m literally invited to her family’s Christmas cookie-making with her mom and grandma every year. She’s even begged us to move to the area where she lives, so we can be closer and care for each other’s kids, but we’ve struggled to find a suitable house.”
“I’m crushed that for no reason whatsoever, we’re not invited to her baby’s gender reveal, and they decided to tell us to our face on my birthday.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were certain that there must have been more to the story.
“Did they give you any explanation why? I feel like something is missing in your story. Just doesn’t quite make sense. But I would definitely talk to her and tell her that your feelings are very hurt! NOR.” – Jantares99
“She’s your best friend, ask her. She at least owes you an explanation. I would be devastated.” – Objective_Arm7923
“This is the epitome of personal, what the f**k?! So she’s mad at you or punishing you for something that you’re not privy to? This person might be your best friend, but you are obviously not their best friend. I would be silencing their contact and not taking that FaceTime call.” – MartinisnMurder
“How in the world could it not be personal?? Girl, what the f**k is her deal? Pregnant or not, you’ve done so much to support her, and I’m sure she’ll demand you babysit, but you can’t go?” – WhoAmIToYou_xx
“NOR. It sounds like that husband is threatened by your close friendship with his wife. He doesn’t like it and wants your friend all to himself. My late husband was like this. Controlling and ‘why do you need friends, you have me!’ attitude.”
“She’s going along with it because you can’t win with that kind of man unless you divorce him.” – EffectiveTradition78
“My first thought was that the husband is trying to break up your friendship. Like, he does not like it and is trying to ruin it. I would at least keep the lines of communication open in case she needs to get out of a sn abusive situation.” – Puzzleheaded_ant6663
Others believed that the friend wasn’t the best friend the OP thought she was.
“You said in a comment that she wanted you to move to her area and buy a house, so you could spend more time together and babysit for her, but you were struggling to find a house.”
“Do you think this might be the reason? Like a punishment for not doing what she wanted you to do?”
“Also, sometimes, some people get butthurt when you don’t stop living or uproot your life for their precious little one. My brother stopped talking to me a decade ago, because I moved away for work around the same time my nephew was born. He was offended I didn’t stick around to watch the kid grow up and put my career first.” – Big_Appointment_3390
“This is not a friend. NOR, but you need to step back from this relationship. You’re giving more than you’re receiving, and I think maybe you’re finally starting to see it.” – flyingredhead79
“They wanted to use you for free childcare, and when you didn’t bend to their whims, they decided to ‘punish’ you.”
“They are not friends. Even tho it hurts, you need to cut them off. I’m sorry to say this, but I know and have dealt with the type. It never ends well. Better now than later.” – 3fluffypotatoes
“You might want to go a little lower on contact. He is telling you because he wants you to know you aren’t invited. I’d guess she said, ‘You tell her then.'”
“This is not a best friend. Your relationship probably has an expiration date. Keep your family close. NOR.” – Mowsmom22
“NOR. He literally said, ‘We’re having a party, but you’re not invited?’ At your birthday party even? TWICE? That’s really, really rude.”
“I’d say talk to your friend and hear it directly from her first. But if it is, as much as it hurts to lose a really friend, I’d go no contact.”
“For the FaceTime offer, just tell them thanks but not interested. Good luck with your baby a have a nice life.” – jackdupp27
“I’d honestly distance myself. The audacity of expecting you to move to where she lives… I have unfortunately recently experienced something very similar.”
“Hate to say it, but she’s not a friend if she’s treating you like no more than a personal slave. I’d stay far away from her, or you’ll end up being her full-time free babysitter or worse.” – MissusNicola
“Oh. I know what happened. She’s not actually your friend.”
“There. Now you can write her off and go on with your life. You’re welcome.” – bananahammerredoux
After receiving questions and concerned comments, the OP clarified a few details.
“Clarifying a few things since people keep asking:”
“So no, I’m not avoiding communication. Every time this was brought up, it was her husband speaking while she sat right there. She never said anything herself, and I’m not going to force a serious conversation when she’s clearly not engaging or feeling well. I’m also not going to beg to be included somewhere I’m clearly not wanted.”
“I also did not send my husband to talk to her husband; he did that on his own. That’s when it came up between the two of them that it wasn’t personal and that it was her idea for us not be invited (girls went to the bathroom). Both other times it was talked about around me, she was present.”
“The first time was literally right after I opened my gift bag, completely out of nowhere. The second time was at Bob Evans, right when we sat down, while I was dealing with my toddler, and it was doubled down with, ‘We’ll FaceTime you after,’ and then asked what we thought the gender was.”
“What confuses me is the mixed signals. She gives me a gift and says, ‘I got this because it’s us two peas in a pod,’ but then barely interacts with me or her goddaughter for the rest of the visit.”
“And to the people saying I just want attention or validation or just an entitled invite, that’s not true at all. I don’t like being the center of attention. This isn’t about attention, it’s about being hurt by the timing and how it was handled.”
Perhaps the friend wanted to do something intimate with her husband for the reveal, or it was family-only, or maybe she wanted to minimize the number of children present so she could focus on the gender reveal of her child.
But the way that it was communicated seemed cold and uncaring, especially since the news was delivered during the OP’s birthday celebration, and with no explanation beyond an offer to FaceTime at a later date.
It could be that the occasion was not planned well, and there truly was nothing personal about this omission, but to the subReddit, it spoke volumes about how the OP’s friend must feel about her, and if this was how her friend wanted to treat someone that she previsouly wanted to live closer to for babysitting purposes, then the OP deserved much better friends.