One of the greatest heartbreaks will always be realizing that a friend does not care about us the way that we care about them.
And that realization has a way of showing up at some of the most hurtful moments, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor bunbun66 was taken aback when her best friend of many years, who'd already expressed her desire for her to move to her area and babysit for her in the future, was not inviting her to her gender reveal party.
When she offered no explanation, the Original Poster (OP) felt she had no other choice but to wonder how much her friend actually cared about her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting to being hurt that my best friend told me I'm not invited to her gender reveal party?"
The OP's birthday was squashed by some sad news.
"Yesterday was my birthday. My best friend (24 Female) and her husband came to spend my birthday with my husband and me (25 Female)."
"Everything started great: she gave me a gift bag she made for me, and we shared a special moment."
"Not 15 minutes later, her husband (28 Male) let us know that next week they're having a gender reveal party and that we are not invited."
"I have been there for her so much through her pregnancy. I'm the only one who's been able to comfort her and answer her concerns. She confides in me all the time, so this was really out of nowhere."
The OP was really hurt by their decision.
"To make things worse, her husband doubled down for them this morning at breakfast, saying that we are again not invited, but they can tell us after the party via a FaceTime call."
"This is literally my lifelong best friend. I've included her in every big life event I've ever had, and she normally does the same. I'm literally invited to her family's Christmas cookie-making with her mom and grandma every year. She's even begged us to move to the area where she lives, so we can be closer and care for each other's kids, but we've struggled to find a suitable house."
"I'm crushed that for no reason whatsoever, we're not invited to her baby's gender reveal, and they decided to tell us to our face on my birthday."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were certain that there must have been more to the story.
"Did they give you any explanation why? I feel like something is missing in your story. Just doesn't quite make sense. But I would definitely talk to her and tell her that your feelings are very hurt! NOR." - Jantares99
"She's your best friend, ask her. She at least owes you an explanation. I would be devastated." - Objective_Arm7923
"This is the epitome of personal, what the f**k?! So she's mad at you or punishing you for something that you're not privy to? This person might be your best friend, but you are obviously not their best friend. I would be silencing their contact and not taking that FaceTime call." - MartinisnMurder
"How in the world could it not be personal?? Girl, what the f**k is her deal? Pregnant or not, you've done so much to support her, and I'm sure she'll demand you babysit, but you can't go?" - WhoAmIToYou_xx
"NOR. It sounds like that husband is threatened by your close friendship with his wife. He doesn't like it and wants your friend all to himself. My late husband was like this. Controlling and 'why do you need friends, you have me!' attitude."
"She's going along with it because you can't win with that kind of man unless you divorce him." - EffectiveTradition78
"My first thought was that the husband is trying to break up your friendship. Like, he does not like it and is trying to ruin it. I would at least keep the lines of communication open in case she needs to get out of a sn abusive situation." - Puzzleheaded_ant6663
Others believed that the friend wasn't the best friend the OP thought she was.
"You said in a comment that she wanted you to move to her area and buy a house, so you could spend more time together and babysit for her, but you were struggling to find a house."
"Do you think this might be the reason? Like a punishment for not doing what she wanted you to do?"
"Also, sometimes, some people get butthurt when you don't stop living or uproot your life for their precious little one. My brother stopped talking to me a decade ago, because I moved away for work around the same time my nephew was born. He was offended I didn't stick around to watch the kid grow up and put my career first." - Big_Appointment_3390
"This is not a friend. NOR, but you need to step back from this relationship. You're giving more than you're receiving, and I think maybe you're finally starting to see it." - flyingredhead79
"They wanted to use you for free childcare, and when you didn't bend to their whims, they decided to 'punish' you."
"They are not friends. Even tho it hurts, you need to cut them off. I'm sorry to say this, but I know and have dealt with the type. It never ends well. Better now than later." - 3fluffypotatoes
"You might want to go a little lower on contact. He is telling you because he wants you to know you aren't invited. I'd guess she said, 'You tell her then.'"
"This is not a best friend. Your relationship probably has an expiration date. Keep your family close. NOR." - Mowsmom22
"NOR. He literally said, 'We're having a party, but you're not invited?' At your birthday party even? TWICE? That's really, really rude."
"I'd say talk to your friend and hear it directly from her first. But if it is, as much as it hurts to lose a really friend, I'd go no contact."
"For the FaceTime offer, just tell them thanks but not interested. Good luck with your baby a have a nice life." - jackdupp27
"I'd honestly distance myself. The audacity of expecting you to move to where she lives... I have unfortunately recently experienced something very similar."
"Hate to say it, but she's not a friend if she's treating you like no more than a personal slave. I'd stay far away from her, or you'll end up being her full-time free babysitter or worse." - MissusNicola
"Oh. I know what happened. She's not actually your friend."
"There. Now you can write her off and go on with your life. You're welcome." - bananahammerredoux
After receiving questions and concerned comments, the OP clarified a few details.
"Clarifying a few things since people keep asking:"
"So no, I'm not avoiding communication. Every time this was brought up, it was her husband speaking while she sat right there. She never said anything herself, and I'm not going to force a serious conversation when she's clearly not engaging or feeling well. I'm also not going to beg to be included somewhere I'm clearly not wanted."
"I also did not send my husband to talk to her husband; he did that on his own. That's when it came up between the two of them that it wasn't personal and that it was her idea for us not be invited (girls went to the bathroom). Both other times it was talked about around me, she was present."
"The first time was literally right after I opened my gift bag, completely out of nowhere. The second time was at Bob Evans, right when we sat down, while I was dealing with my toddler, and it was doubled down with, 'We'll FaceTime you after,' and then asked what we thought the gender was."
"What confuses me is the mixed signals. She gives me a gift and says, 'I got this because it's us two peas in a pod,' but then barely interacts with me or her goddaughter for the rest of the visit."
"And to the people saying I just want attention or validation or just an entitled invite, that's not true at all. I don't like being the center of attention. This isn't about attention, it's about being hurt by the timing and how it was handled."
Perhaps the friend wanted to do something intimate with her husband for the reveal, or it was family-only, or maybe she wanted to minimize the number of children present so she could focus on the gender reveal of her child.
But the way that it was communicated seemed cold and uncaring, especially since the news was delivered during the OP's birthday celebration, and with no explanation beyond an offer to FaceTime at a later date.
It could be that the occasion was not planned well, and there truly was nothing personal about this omission, but to the subReddit, it spoke volumes about how the OP's friend must feel about her, and if this was how her friend wanted to treat someone that she previsouly wanted to live closer to for babysitting purposes, then the OP deserved much better friends.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.