One of the greatest heartbreaks will always be realizing that a friend does not care about us the way that we care about them.
And that realization has a way of showing up at some of the most hurtful moments, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor bunbun66 was taken aback when her best friend of many years, who'd already expressed her desire for her to move to her area and babysit for her in the future, was not inviting her to her gender reveal party.
When she offered no explanation, the Original Poster (OP) felt she had no other choice but to wonder how much her friend actually cared about her.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting to being hurt that my best friend told me I'm not invited to her gender reveal party?"
The OP's birthday was squashed by some sad news.
"Yesterday was my birthday. My best friend (24 Female) and her husband came to spend my birthday with my husband and me (25 Female)."
"Everything started great: she gave me a gift bag she made for me, and we shared a special moment."
"Not 15 minutes later, her husband (28 Male) let us know that next week they're having a gender reveal party and that we are not invited."
"I have been there for her so much through her pregnancy. I'm the only one who's been able to comfort her and answer her concerns. She confides in me all the time, so this was really out of nowhere."
The OP was really hurt by their decision.
"To make things worse, her husband doubled down for them this morning at breakfast, saying that we are again not invited, but they can tell us after the party via a FaceTime call."
"This is literally my lifelong best friend. I've included her in every big life event I've ever had, and she normally does the same. I'm literally invited to her family's Christmas cookie-making with her mom and grandma every year. She's even begged us to move to the area where she lives, so we can be closer and care for each other's kids, but we've struggled to find a suitable house."
"I'm crushed that for no reason whatsoever, we're not invited to her baby's gender reveal, and they decided to tell us to our face on my birthday."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were certain that there must have been more to the story.
"Did they give you any explanation why? I feel like something is missing in your story. Just doesn't quite make sense. But I would definitely talk to her and tell her that your feelings are very hurt! NOR." - Jantares99
"She's your best friend, ask her. She at least owes you an explanation. I would be devastated." - Objective_Arm7923
"This is the epitome of personal, what the f**k?! So she's mad at you or punishing you for something that you're not privy to? This person might be your best friend, but you are obviously not their best friend. I would be silencing their contact and not taking that FaceTime call." - MartinisnMurder
"How in the world could it not be personal?? Girl, what the f**k is her deal? Pregnant or not, you've done so much to support her, and I'm sure she'll demand you babysit, but you can't go?" - WhoAmIToYou_xx
"NOR. It sounds like that husband is threatened by your close friendship with his wife. He doesn't like it and wants your friend all to himself. My late husband was like this. Controlling and 'why do you need friends, you have me!' attitude."
"She's going along with it because you can't win with that kind of man unless you divorce him." - EffectiveTradition78
"My first thought was that the husband is trying to break up your friendship. Like, he does not like it and is trying to ruin it. I would at least keep the lines of communication open in case she needs to get out of a sn abusive situation." - Puzzleheaded_ant6663
Others believed that the friend wasn't the best friend the OP thought she was.
"You said in a comment that she wanted you to move to her area and buy a house, so you could spend more time together and babysit for her, but you were struggling to find a house."
"Do you think this might be the reason? Like a punishment for not doing what she wanted you to do?"
"Also, sometimes, some people get butthurt when you don't stop living or uproot your life for their precious little one. My brother stopped talking to me a decade ago, because I moved away for work around the same time my nephew was born. He was offended I didn't stick around to watch the kid grow up and put my career first." - Big_Appointment_3390
"This is not a friend. NOR, but you need to step back from this relationship. You're giving more than you're receiving, and I think maybe you're finally starting to see it." - flyingredhead79
"They wanted to use you for free childcare, and when you didn't bend to their whims, they decided to 'punish' you."
"They are not friends. Even tho it hurts, you need to cut them off. I'm sorry to say this, but I know and have dealt with the type. It never ends well. Better now than later." - 3fluffypotatoes
"You might want to go a little lower on contact. He is telling you because he wants you to know you aren't invited. I'd guess she said, 'You tell her then.'"
"This is not a best friend. Your relationship probably has an expiration date. Keep your family close. NOR." - Mowsmom22
"NOR. He literally said, 'We're having a party, but you're not invited?' At your birthday party even? TWICE? That's really, really rude."
"I'd say talk to your friend and hear it directly from her first. But if it is, as much as it hurts to lose a really friend, I'd go no contact."
"For the FaceTime offer, just tell them thanks but not interested. Good luck with your baby a have a nice life." - jackdupp27
"I'd honestly distance myself. The audacity of expecting you to move to where she lives... I have unfortunately recently experienced something very similar."
"Hate to say it, but she's not a friend if she's treating you like no more than a personal slave. I'd stay far away from her, or you'll end up being her full-time free babysitter or worse." - MissusNicola
"Oh. I know what happened. She's not actually your friend."
"There. Now you can write her off and go on with your life. You're welcome." - bananahammerredoux
After receiving questions and concerned comments, the OP clarified a few details.
"Clarifying a few things since people keep asking:"
"So no, I'm not avoiding communication. Every time this was brought up, it was her husband speaking while she sat right there. She never said anything herself, and I'm not going to force a serious conversation when she's clearly not engaging or feeling well. I'm also not going to beg to be included somewhere I'm clearly not wanted."
"I also did not send my husband to talk to her husband; he did that on his own. That's when it came up between the two of them that it wasn't personal and that it was her idea for us not be invited (girls went to the bathroom). Both other times it was talked about around me, she was present."
"The first time was literally right after I opened my gift bag, completely out of nowhere. The second time was at Bob Evans, right when we sat down, while I was dealing with my toddler, and it was doubled down with, 'We'll FaceTime you after,' and then asked what we thought the gender was."
"What confuses me is the mixed signals. She gives me a gift and says, 'I got this because it's us two peas in a pod,' but then barely interacts with me or her goddaughter for the rest of the visit."
"And to the people saying I just want attention or validation or just an entitled invite, that's not true at all. I don't like being the center of attention. This isn't about attention, it's about being hurt by the timing and how it was handled."
Perhaps the friend wanted to do something intimate with her husband for the reveal, or it was family-only, or maybe she wanted to minimize the number of children present so she could focus on the gender reveal of her child.
But the way that it was communicated seemed cold and uncaring, especially since the news was delivered during the OP's birthday celebration, and with no explanation beyond an offer to FaceTime at a later date.
It could be that the occasion was not planned well, and there truly was nothing personal about this omission, but to the subReddit, it spoke volumes about how the OP's friend must feel about her, and if this was how her friend wanted to treat someone that she previsouly wanted to live closer to for babysitting purposes, then the OP deserved much better friends.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.