Content Warning: Nonconsensual Content, Infantilization, Fetish Content
There are all kinds of dynamics, communities, and tools that people can use to make their romantic relationships exactly the way that they want it to be.
But everyone in the relationship has to consent to the dynamics, or it won’t work out, cautioned the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Dense-Law3803 had been married for four years and thought everything was great until his wife started to express a lot of interest in becoming more childlike.
When she went so far as to get surgery, toddler-like clothing, and practiced childlike behaviors, the Original Poster (OP) knew this wasn’t the relationship he agreed to be a part of.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for divorcing my wife over her surgeries and decisions?”
The OP watched as his marriage problems quickly escalated.
“I (28 Male) have been married to my wife (27 Female) for four years.”
“Our problems started when she became obsessed with Asians since I’m Asian.”
“She began discussing wanting surgery, and I told her she was perfect the way she was. She eventually got certain surgeries for her eyelids and face area, mostly.”
“But then it got worse when she got more surgery to make herself look like a young child.”
“She’ll go to stores and legit buy toddler-like clothing to make herself seem adorable.”
“She’s gotten into Discord and makes baby sounds, and it’s been concerning.”
The OP tried to talk to his wife about his concerns, but the conversation went nowhere.
“I had a serious talk with her because she kept trying to act like a kid, making spills and not knowing how to clean up when she’s a grown adult.”
“She told me I was being controlling and manipulative about what she liked.”
“I became concerned that it was a kink or a fetish, but she denied it.”
“I also tried to suggest professional help, but it went nowhere. She found it unreasonable and again said I was controlling her and forcing her to seek things she didn’t need.”
“After awhile, I was done, and I divorced her on the spot, because the last time I checked, I don’t like kids or people trying to act like a kid.”
“Her parents attacked me for not supporting her and her friends have, too.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Despite her denying it, some were certain that the OP’s ex-wife had some kind of fetish.
“NTA. This sounds like somewhere between a kink and a fetish run amok.” – SamSLS
“NTA. Leave. She’s not going to stop, because she’s not getting her ‘little needs’ met.”
“She’s not in a caregiver-little relationship. OP doesn’t want to be her caregiver, and that’s okay, because she probably never discussed it with OP beforehand.”
“Most ‘littlest’ partners I know are upfront about being a ‘little’ with their partner when they started the relationship, and their partner was ready to be the ‘caregiver.'”
“I would have to say, though, that getting surgery for a kink tends to swing toward mental illness of some kind.” – Assignments
“Acting and dressing like a kid alone might be an age regression thing, but paired with the obsession with Asian people and the now Asian fishing gone permanent, I’d absolutely clock it as a fetish or kink, a gross one, but people who fetishize Asian people usually see Asian people as child like, innocent and forever young in body and mind.”
“This is absolutely a stereotypical thing going on anyway. Can’t imagine wanting to dress like a kid, most adult clothes are too big on me, and it feels nasty having to shop in the kids’ section for clothes that actually fit. It doesn’t feel cute or kinky in the slightest.” – Cerberus6669
“I just looked up this kind of relationship dynamic, and this jumped out at me: ‘It is essential that all aspects of the DD/LG dynamic are entered into with enthusiastic consent from both partners.'”
“OP never consented to this. She violated the need for consent. I don’t kink shame either, but consent is absolutely essential.” – OkLingonberry177
“It’s a fetish for sure, but it’s not necessarily a sexual one.”
“This fetish is called age play, where people who, much like your wife, pretend to be child-like or even baby/toddler-like and call themselves littles. I forget what the ones that act like parents are called, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were called bigs.” – Knives564-alt
“She’s lying. It’s called being a ‘Little’. For some, it’s a kink, but others divorce being a little from sex, ergo it’s not a kink. It is a thing, though, and there is a word for it. It’s not prevalent enough for most people to be aware of what it entails. There are lots of books, fantasy and otherwise, on Amazon about being a little.”
“People have different ages that are their sweet spot, everything from wearing diapers and sucking a binky to being a kid who likes to play with toys to a sexy before her time teen (those who throw off sailor moon vibes in real life). It’s definitely not a mental health issue because some littles are in therapy for different unrelated issues.” – CartoonistFirst5298
Others agreed and said it must be a mental health issue or obsession if it wasn’t a fetish.
“If it’s not a fetish, then it’s a mental health issue. Sorry, OP.” – SnooWords4839
“I mean, if she’s not doing it for kicks, and she can’t stop doing it even when it damages her family and friends, then that sounds like an addiction or mental breakdown to me. Either help her through therapy or get out of there, because she needs to realize this is a problem.” – WaitakereAnimal
“If it’s gotten to the point where it’s hurting the people around her and she still can’t stop, then it’s way deeper than just bad decisions. That’s not something you just brush off.”
“Either she gets real help, or it’s gonna drag everyone down with her. Sometimes tough love is the only way people wake up.” – LongjumpingFox843
“NTA. If it’s not a kink, then it’s a mental health issue and she needs to seek help.” – AimingWang
“It’s not a kink. It’s called ‘age regression.’ My girlfriend is on this spectrum, but it’s very different from how your ex-wife acts. In her case, she also seems to suffer from some dysmorphia, as she had these surgeries.” – BrazilianBratty
“NAH, especially considering her family and friends are supporting her. However, it sounds like a mental health issue. Marriage is supposed to be in sickness and in health.”
“You could try to get her to go to the doctor. If she refuses, then I’d consider that you’re doing what you could to uphold your vows before walking away.” – Anon_Anon_Anon69
Some reassured the OP that he wasn’t wrong to divorce when the dynamic changed.
“You’re not wrong for what you did, OP. It sounds like she stated being different than the person she was when you decided to marry her. Not wanting to be with an adult who acts like a baby seems understandable to me.” – Sensitive-Plan5649
“Maybe it’s still a fetish without the kinky side. You did say she created a discord. Her whole person changed, and that’s just not who you married. I think no one is the jerk in this case. She just changed too much, and you don’t like that. It makes you uncomfortable. NTA.” – LUCiDNiGHTMARE87
“It sounds like you tried to support her at first, but her choices crossed a line that made you deeply uncomfortable, and that’s valid. Wanting a partner, not someone acting like a child, isn’t controlling; it’s a boundary. You’re allowed to leave if the relationship no longer feels healthy or right for you.” – gorgeousmoody
“I’m sorry. Yeah, you need to immediately file for a divorce, and you need to get away. You need to let her family figure out how to deal with her.”
“Enough is too much, and at this point, you’re really doing too much. You’ve put up with this, and I mean okay. She wanted surgery. She’s afraid of looking older. Okay. If she can afford the surgery, that’s fine.”
“She’s buying cutesy clothes that are a little young for her. I would say fine, but you’re telling me it’s not that she’s buying, like, teenager clothes. She’s buying clothes that make her look like a toddler like an overgrown toddler and doing things.”
“A toddler would do like accidentally or accidentally on purpose spilling things and then saying she can’t clean them up because she’s too little. She doesn’t know how.”
“Yeah, she needs a psychiatrist. You need a divorce.” – DMargaretfoodgoddess
“The psychological term for this behavior is paraphilic infantilism, also known as autonepiophilia or adult baby syndrome.”
“This refers to a form of ageplay where an adult derives emotional comfort or sexual gratification from role-playing as a baby or young child. It can include behaviors like wearing diapers, using pacifiers, speaking in baby talk, or engaging in caregiver/little dynamics. Some people do this for non-sexual reasons, like seeking nurturing or stress relief, while for others, it may be part of a sexual fetish.”
“You might need to look into diaper fetishism, which is a separate but related interest focused specifically on diapers, often without the age regression aspect, as well as AB/DL, which is a common umbrella acronym for Adult Baby/Diaper Lover, used in communities that embrace these identities.”
“Importantly, these behaviors are considered part of the spectrum of paraphilias, which are atypical sexual interests. However, they’re not necessarily classified as disorders unless they cause distress or impair functioning.”
“And since this isn’t what you signed on for, you’re NTA!” – 1BellyHamster
While there was no need to shame the ex-wife for what she might be trying to process or what she might in interested in for future relationships, the fact of the matter was that the OP was not informed of this interest when he got into this relationship and marriage, he did not consent to it, and if it was not a relationship dynamic he was interested in, he was not required to stay.
Hopefully, if this was a mental health issue for her and a coping mechanism for something she needed help processing, she’d get the help that she needed.