Dealing with someone saying bad things when they’re intoxicated is a difficult situation. They can apologize profusely and say they didn’t mean it, but you’ll be left wondering if that’s what they really think.
At her cousin’s bachelorette party, Redditor fae233 got into a fight with the bride to-be. The original poster (OP)’s cousin got drunk and said some hurtful things to her.
OP insulted her cousin back, causing a rift. Now she isn’t sure if she should just forgive and forget or if she was right in her anger. She takes her story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to figure it out.
She asks the board to judge her for what she did.
“AITA for calling my cousin a b*tch after she jokingly said I sucked d*ck for a living?”
Why in the world would her cousin say that?
“My cousin is getting married soon. For her bachelorette, we took a 5-day trip to France. I hadn’t met most of the people prior to the trip.”
“One of the other girls asked me what I did for a living and before I could answer, my cousin told her I sucked d*ck for a living. My cousin was drunk and she started giggling.”
“I was upset and embarrassed but I didn’t want to make things even more awkward than they already were so I just explained I used to work in tech but I was currently a SAHM.”
“My cousin then proceeded to tell everyone how easy I had it and she would love to switch places and get everything handed to her for sucking only one, not even ugly, d*ck. I was really angry by this point and called her a b*tch and went back to the hotel even though she kept begging me not to.”
“The next day she tried to apologise and I told her again she was such a b*tch. She got upset with me and told me she was drunk and I knew she had a dark humour and she didn’t mean anything by it.”
“She also told me she was complimenting me in her way and I didn’t need to keep calling her a b*tch.”
“AITA?”
OP isn’t sure if she was wrong to double down on insulting her cousin, but her cousin’s words were rude. Who is in the wrong here?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for calling her cousin out after she made a drunk insult by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The board easily agreed that OP was justified in her actions. While her cousin may have said her insult while drunk, she didn’t act very remorseful upon getting sober.
OP’s own insults were very basic, but seemed to communicate her feelings on the matter.
And if the cousin wanted to apologize, maybe justifying it by saying she had a “dark humor” wasn’t the best option.
“NTA. Being drunk is no excuse. It just releases some inhibitions so she told you what she really thought.”
“I would rethink going to the wedding. Who knows what she would say about you there?” – patjames904
“I became a sahm in 2020 due to pandemic related childcare issues. It was never part of my plan but there wasn’t much choice so I did what I had to do.”
“I was shocked by how many people seem to have deep contempt for Sahms. People I had known professionally and personally for years suddenly had no problem blatantly talking down to me.”
“Low IQ, golddigger, taking advantage of my husband (I’m the one who sacrificed here. If anything he owes me) I heard it all. Cousin definitely thinks this way.” – LastCheesemas
“NTA”
“She was being extremely rude, drunk or not. Actions have consequences. Words have impact.”
“Her trying to spin it as a compliment is a bit bizarre. Except the fact that she in a weird way called your husband handsome? (good for you by the way haha).”
“At the end of the day you being upset is justified.”
“Also you were complimenting her as well by calling her a female dog.” – thepepsyy
“NTA. Being drunk doesn’t make you a different person and it doesn’t excuse bad behavior. If you have a problem with behavior like this when you drink, then you need to stop drinking!”
“What your cousin needs to understand is that she hurt you deeply. Yes, she apologized, but you are not necessarily obliged to accept it.”
“If she had truly meant the apology, she would have accepted your feelings and tried to make amends, as opposed to getting upset with you.”
“Also, under no situation is what she said complementing you ‘in her way.’” – bamf1701
“NTA, she was most definitely being a b*tch. Even beyond what she actually said to you, she also seems to be under the delusion that SAHMs have some sort of easy life or ever get to do anything fun lol.”
“I was MUCH less stressed when I worked outside the house 50 hours a week, because when I was home I was done. There is no done when you’re a mom of littles.” – Sweet_Caterpillar150
A number of comments discussed the cousin’s insult as it relates to sex work. It conflates both parenting and sex work, undervaluing both.
And each are important facets of human life.
“NTA.”
“Saying you suck d*ck for a living makes you sound like a sex worker.”
“The job of a SAHP is childcare. If there isn’t a stay-at-home parent, the child needs a babysitter or daycare. Not a sex worker.”
“‘My cousin then proceeded to tell everyone how easy I had it and she would love to switch places and get everything handed to her for sucking only one’”
“This is such a weird thing for a grown woman to say. It is like she doesn’t understand that caring for children is work. You aren’t trading sex for money, you are part of a family and a decision has been made that you staying home right now is best for your family.”
“I am fine with you calling her a b*tch, but personally I would have a much more specific conversation about childcare as work.”
“Then I would distance myself. Something is up with your cousin.” – elinordash
“My mother was surprisingly supportive when I was a sex worker because in her opinion sex was the price of her being a stay at home spouse (which is really not something I needed to know, but feels better sharing that letting live in only my head rent free).”
“But you are right, a stay at home parent is almost certainly not giving head to the person she is home with most often, and if she he there is a problem.” – FuckUGalen
“What’s wrong with being a sex worker? That’s a yikes. Be better” – toughasssnails
“I never said there was anything wrong with being a sex worker, I just pointed out that it is a different job than being a SAHM.”
“You comment here really comes like you hoping there is someone you can tell off. So much so that you didn’t actually understand by comment.”
“Be better.” – elinordash
“NTA”
“I don’t think being drunk outs things in your brain. It just stops you from filtering a lot what could say if you wanted to say how you really feel.”
“And it looks like she told you how she feels partially. Though maybe not fully. I’d take it with a grain of salt.”
“It really just reflect badly on her is what I’m trying to say and has nothing to do with you. It’s her own insecurities and judgmental attitudes”
“BUT being drunk is never an excuse and she did hurt you. And this is a boo-boo that sorry won’t fix and her apology is sh**ty.”
“It’s not a compliment and very judgmental of all stay at home moms by extension”
“Having a stay at home parent is a parenting decision and smoky decision. She should have more respect for other peoples choices AND NOT be equating sex work and family home building.”
“Both are valid but one has more of a negative stigma. And she has NO RIGHT to comment on the attractiveness of other people’s partner or bring up their sex lives her self.”
“That’s highly uncalled for.”
“I also imagine her perspective is some warped understanding of the choices women had and more importantly didn’t have even 50 years ago. But it’s highly offensive language shes using.”
“She clearly has no respect for two major if not the most important roles women have played throughout history. This is not womens empowerment from how it’s sounds like she trying to play it off.”
“It’s turning sex workers and work into an insult which we’re trying to move away from as well as shaming stay at home parenting” – PettyHonestThrowaway
OP is justified in feeling upset, and while she didn’t have to insult her cousin, her cousin should be doing better herself. Learn a little empathy, and not to deflect when called out.