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New Dad Called Out For Not Being Able To Afford To Buy His ‘Entitled’ Mother A Birthday Present

Cropped shot of a loving husband giving his wife a gift. Boyfriend surprises his beautiful girlfriend with present while she is sitting on the sofa in the living room at home. Focus is on the gift.
VioletaStoimenova/GettyImages

As beautiful as having a baby is, the stress surrounding the new life norms can be a lot to handle.

There is always something to be doing and never enough time to sleep as much as necessary.

Money can also be a big issue.

Even with insurance, there is always another surprise bill popping up.

That’s why new parents like to hope that their loved ones will understand that they might not have the time or money to be a part of everything not involving the baby.

Not all loved ones follow that thought process.

Redditor CautiousHouse8265 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not buying my entitled mother a birthday gift after just having a baby with my fiancée?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My Fiancée (F[emale] 25) and I (M[ale] 25) just had a baby on 12/16.”

“We are both on parental leave and money is tight, we have bills, we just had Christmas, and we have a 3-week-old baby.”

“Now here’s the situation, my Mother’s birthday is the first week of January and she has asked for a gift.”

“I had politely stated I couldn’t afford to get her a gift this year and if I do it will be late.”

“I was respectful in hopes she’d be understanding.”

“I was wrong.”

“Her response was along the lines of ‘I’ll forget about your birthday this year then.'”

“Which is fine, I don’t care about my birthday.”

“This was the icing on the cake.”

“I told her I couldn’t get her a gift and I didn’t care if she forgot my birthday.”

“In response to that, my Mom started blaming my fiancée for me not getting her a gift and calling this whole conversation abuse.”

“Basically insinuating that we are neglecting her or outcasting her.”

“For more background ever since my fiancée got pregnant back in April 2024, my Mom has tried to make the whole experience about her.”

“She got mad when my Fiancée didn’t take her to appointments with her.”

“She got mad when I found out the gender intimately with my fiancée.”

“She was upset with the last name we gave our son and made side comments about how my fiancée’s Mom was allowed in the delivery room and not her.”

“Not to mention all the side comments saying my fiancée is a b**ch or is paranoid.”

“I have defended my fiancée through it all but it is getting ridiculous.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“Essentially AITA at all against my Mom?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Oh, where to start?”

“I swear we have the same mother.”

“She is emotionally abusing both you and your fiancée.”

“Perhaps go to N[o] C[ontact] for a while.”

“You are a new Dad and need to focus on your new family unit.”

“Let the dust settle and perhaps have a convo alone with your mother.”

“Set boundaries or this negative energy will eat you alive.”

“This whole gift crap on her part is entitled, juvenile, and ridiculous.”

“NTA by the way.” ~ Plastic_Cat9560

“Gaslighting is fun to deal with, isn’t it?”

“I ended up in tears every time I spoke with my mom.”

“I had to, and it was literally f**king hard, walk away and not look back.”

“I felt guilty at times, but for my own mental sanity, I had to do it.”

“Some people have issues you just can’t fix or figure out.”

“Perhaps she feels abandoned or has main character syndrome, but those are her issues, not yours.”

“You deserve better.” ~ Plastic_Cat9560

“My mother made a scene in the hospital lobby when I had my firstborn because my husband sent a picture of our newborn to his mother before she got one.”

“I know how you feel OP.”

“Look up the term gray rocking and use it to deal with your mother.”

“You should check out https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/about/.

“It will help. NTA.” ~ _A-Q

“Cut her off for a couple of months.”

“If she continues, you might have to cut her off completely. It’s up to you to protect your fiancée and baby.”

“Your fiancée is getting trashed by your mother and she’s not ever involved with her.”

“You should tell your mother to stop, or she won’t see you or the baby.” ~ SalisburyWitch

“Drop the rope.”

“She can’t win a tug of war if you aren’t participating.”

“Mute her and enjoy your time with your new family; when everything’s settled at home, you and your fiancé should have a frank talk about whether she should be unmuted or what you want to do.”

“Your mother is trying to control you, and frankly, she’s trying to ruin your life.”

“How she acted towards your fiancée during her pregnancy would have sent most people running for the hills because verbal abuse for so long is unhealthy and damaging.” ~ canyonemoon

“Good God! I am so sorry for both you and OP.”

“Wish I could give you a big hug!”

“No one deserves this.”

“I know not all parents are there to help and some choose to be distant.”

“But to request a gift from your child when they are a new parent, tired and trying to figure things out is such an A-Hole egotistical move, especially knowing that they are in a tough financial situation.”

“Also, what’s with the ‘not being in the delivery room.'”

“This is your baby – you get to choose the name, choose the way you find out the gender and the person birthing gets to choose who is in the room.”

“She was in severe pain for several hours through this and probably in the most vulnerable state of her life, it’s perfectly normal to not want in the room someone who stresses her out.”

“If your mom decides to ‘punish’ you, it’s okay for you to respond the same way.”

“She pretends not to understand boundaries, then go NC.”

“No one, not even our parents, is entitled to anything in life.”

“It’s a relationship, it goes both ways.” ~ PerspectiveNo3782

“100%. Your mother is a real piece of work.”

“I agree.”

“Go no contact with her for a little while.”

“Tell her her birthday isn’t nearly as important as your baby is to you.”

“Tell her to grow up.”

“Tell her she’s not 10 years old and doesn’t have to have a birthday present every year!”

“And her criticism of your fiancée should be cut off immediately.” ~ Critical_Armadillo32

“NTA, but you need to set boundaries.”

“If she can’t respect your fiancée repeatedly and gaslights you, maybe it’s time to lower contact and distance yourself.” ~ Vidiacool-uwu

“Hey OP it doesn’t matter how long it took, all that matters is now, in the present you’ve reached your limit.”

“My mother isn’t as bad as yours but she’s made snide comments about my son’s name, about the way it’s spelled.”

“Then she complained about his hair but the final straw was when I uploaded a picture of him and everyone was commenting on how cute he was or how funny it was that he was all in my phone but you know what she said?”

“‘Why does his hair look so dirty?'”

“That was the wake-up call that got me to start standing up to her and set boundaries.”

“It’ll be hard but you got this!” ~ BlAcK_rOsE1995

“I completely agree.”

“Boundaries are essential, especially when someone repeatedly disrespects your partner and manipulates situations to suit their narrative.”

“You owe it to yourself and your fiancée to create a healthy, supportive environment.”

“If lowering contact is what it takes to protect your relationship and mental well-being, then that’s a valid step.” ~ hgjfhgtuigy

“NTA at all and it sounds like your mother is working her way towards being low or no contact, which is a shame considering she has a grandbaby.”

“I know that some people love their birthdays, and some people just don’t care about their birthdays.”

“Whatever your thought is on birthdays, you should not cause financial distress for your loved ones to celebrate yourself.”

“Your mother sounds extremely immature and controlling, to be honest.”

“Perhaps she’s having issues struggling with the idea of ‘sharing’ you with your fiancé and now your child, but that’s her problem, not yours.”

“You have created a family with someone.”

“As the woman who has had my F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] try to bully my husband with a lot of these same issues, please support your fiancée.”

“I’m thankful that my husband always has, but oftentimes we see adult sons who back down to the pressure of their overbearing mothers or fathers at the detriment of the relationship with their partner and children.”

“I feel like you are trying your hardest not to let that happen.”

“I would set some clear boundaries that you will no longer tolerate the snide comments and the flat-out insults of the mother of your child.”

“I would emphasize the fact that while she’s your mom and you’ll always love her, the family YOU have created comes first, and first means there is no room for the hostility she’s trying to create.”

“That means no snarky little comments, no calling her a b**ch, none of it.”

“And I’d make it clear that you will enforce those boundaries if she refuses to comply.”

“She may have given birth to you, but that does NOT mean that she dominates you for the rest of your life.”

“Good luck to you and congrats on the baby.” ~ No-Holiday1692

“NTA. Your mom sounds like she’s trying to compete in the ‘main character Olympics,’ but she’s missing the memo that your baby takes gold.”

“You’re prioritizing your new family, which is exactly what you should be doing.”

“Gifts aren’t a requirement, especially when you’ve got diapers to buy and sleep to catch up on.” ~ LilyGoldenlark

“NTA. It would have probably been better to buy your mom a cheap gift than nothing (a card and flowers say), but your mom’s pettiness in response is out of line and seems to be part of a general pattern of pettiness and just being a jerk.”

“The fact that she’s doing this at a time when you are very vulnerable and need support is much worse.” ~ nomoreplsthx

“NTA. Agreed – a dollar-store card and a candy bar would have been nice, or even a handmade card.”

“But she looks like she’s making herself to be both a victim and a problem.”

“JustnoMIL subreddit may offer you some ideas in handling her, but for your and your partner’s sanity, it sounds like you need a break from her. Yikes.” ~ punnymama

“NTA and I’m sorry, but why are you still in contact with this lady?”

“She sounds exhausting. Set clear boundaries right now and go low contact before she starts trash-talking your fiancée about how she takes care of your baby on her face.”

“You and your fiancée are saints for putting up with her bullcrap this long.” ~ NithranielSylvan

“NTA, she sounds narcissistic and manipulative, but there are plenty of very inexpensive but thoughtful gifts you can surely afford that would have made her feel included and avoided any drama.” ~ rx7leon

“The OP is definitely NTA.”

“I’m a mom who in the 43 years of motherhood to two of my own and a bonus daughter from my husband’s first marriage and I can say I’ve never asked for anything for birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, any occasion.”

“You know the saying, a mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child? That’s me.”

“Right now I have two of the three struggling financially.”

“I stress that holidays are for taking time to be together as a family. If we are all together, that is the best gift ever.”

“I’m often shocked when I read on Reddit stories about how selfish people are.”

“There are so many people in the world who are only interested in themselves.”

“They don’t look at others struggling nor ask if there is anything they can do to lighten someone’s burden.”

“As a mother and grandmother, I want to do that!”

“Not be a doormat or give so much that I am unable to meet my financial obligations but because I recognize need.”

“Anyway, that’s my rant about narcissistic people.” ~ curly_spy

“Definitely NTA!!”

“Your mom is not only entitled, but she’s also emotionally manipulative, childish, and selfish!”

“I’d consider some hardcore boundaries with her, at least for a while.” ~ jacksonlove3

“NTA but it’s time to cut your mother off.”

“Go Low Contact.”

“On the rare times you are in contact with her, anytime she starts something, hang up or leave.”

“Your family is now your fiancée and child.”

“They deserve better than your mother.” ~ Fearless_Ad1685

“It’s so tone-deaf to expect things from people who’ve just had a baby. NTA.” ~ goldandjade

Reddit is with you, OP.

Your Mother is out of line.

Why is she not thrilled with a grandchild as a gift?

You all may want to seek group counseling, or you may just want to go to No Contact for a while.

You do what is best for your family and your mental health.

Congratulations and good luck.