A Redditor followed their passion and supported themselves through college despite a lack of support from home.
Fortunately, the student eventually found their future spouse at the college, married, is running a small business, and is living a life they should be proud of for forging on their own.
When the past collided with the present situation, they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment for their actions from strangers online.
There, Redditor A_Bean_Like_No_Other asked:
“AITA for refusing to take care of my parents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My household was negative to say the least. And my parents were strict and controlling and wanted me to be doctor or lawyer but I only wanted to do art. I remember showing my parents’ my art and them telling me some sarcastic remarks.”
“I told them I was going to college for art and asked them to help support. Don’t really know why though since I knew they wouldn’t unless it was for something they want me to do.”
“Anyways they refused saying that it was ‘my choice, my responsibility.’ So I worked as a broke college student barley making ends meet whilst juggling working 2-3 part time jobs and keeping up my grades and now own a small art program.”
The OP continued:
“A year into my degree and I meet my now husband in a small coffee shop turns out he was a student too and wanted to make friends. By friends he meant a girlfriend, and asked for my number and I agreed since he was cute and now I have 2 kids with him.”
“So now I (32) And my hubby (34) have a happy family, my husband’s family became my second family they helped me through college and weren’t monster in laws or anything like that crap.”
“My mom, (66) And dad, (69) reached out with their demands, Demand 1, Meet their grand kids. Demand 2, Move in with us or cover their rent. Demand 3, Pay for hospital/medical bills.”
“Their reasons? They ‘did so much for me and deserve their happy ending to.’ I told them of saying it was their bad choices their responsibility and they needed to work like I did to get by since I wasn’t gonna help some stuck up pieces of work.”
“I feel like I did the right thing since they left me when I needed help but some of the family thinks I’m being unfair to them since they did work for me so I could eat etc etc, but I don’t know part of me doesn’t wanna expose my kids nor myself to their toxicity but I want some unbiased outside opinions before I make up my mind.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
“I think it’s always crazy when parents say ‘we did so much for you, providing food, clothes, a place to live, etc. when your were growing up.’ You didn’t ask to be brought into the world, your parents chose to have kids — and thus chose to take on the responsibility to provide for you.”
“I think the fact that they’re making demands of you, especially for you to move them in with you or pay their rent, is kinda crazy. It would be a bit different to ask for support and come up with a solution that worked for both of you. Also, the fact that they haven’t met your kids (I don’t know how old they are) is a sign that your relationship with your parents has deteriorated.”
“I don’t know the full scope of the relationship, but from what you’ve said, I don’t think you owe them everything they’re demanding. If you want to help your parents in a way that keeps some boundaries (I.e. help with some of the medical bills), I think that’s a nice thing to do. But if this is a relationship that has turned into a no contact situation for years due to toxic behaviour and they’re just reaching out for money, I think you are well within your rights to say no.”
“Ultimately, you are the only person who can choose how you want to proceed with your relationship with them and you also should be the one to decide how much or little you want to get involved again, for your own sake. But you wouldn’t be the a**hole if you said no, and the family calling you an a**hole should step up more if they feel so strongly.” – smeekky
“NTA. You don’t owe them anything. Put it this way: your 2 kids – are you raising them because you expect payback someday? Your parents didn’t respect who you are and cut you off when they could no longer control you. Do you want people like that around your kids? They’re only contacting you because they want something. Leave them out of your life. Concentrate on the fmily you have now.” – MerlinBiggs
“NTA. You reap what you sow in life. Your parents did not support your dream and apparently have not remained in your life, considering they have never met your children. But now that they they need something, they want their ‘investment’ in you to pay off.”
“Here’s the reality, at least from my perspective. Children are not a financial investment or a retirement plan. Your parents chose to have you, which means that they had a legal and moral obligation to support you for 18 years.”
“You don’t owe them anything in return, particularly when they did not support your educational or professional dreams. The family members who think you are wrong can chip in and pay your parents’ rent and hospital bills. If they don’t want to do that, they need to shut up and go away.” – MedicinalWalnuts
“NTA.”
“I was in your shoes. At the ripe old age of 63, my mother decided to retire and come live with me and my family. She forgot to tell me this before she retired.”
“I went to visit her and was told ‘I’ve retired and coming to live with you. When will my room be ready?’”
“Understand that my parents divorced before I was two, Dad was a functioning alcoholic and Mother was a BPD and OCD. My childhood was absolutely horrid, and I joined the military to get away as soon as I could.”
“I told my mother ‘Never. There is a 55+ community around the corner from my house. I’ll get you a place there and we will come see you or you come see us.’ “
“I was told ‘no. It’s not what I want, you have to take care of me.’”
“To which I responded ‘no. I don’t.’ “
“There’s a lot more to my horrible story, but I never allowed her to come live with us. She actually move 300 miles further away.”
“You are not responsible for your parents, unless you and only you feel you should be.” – Weird-Grocery6931
“As my therapist told me multiple times during our last session: you don’t owe anyone anything. Full stop.”
“This includes biological family. We don’t consent to be born. For some asinine reason, we’ve been bred to believe we’re born and should help our parents as they age. F’k. That.”
“If you were born into and raised and continue to have a great relationship with family and want to help them as they age, that’s great. Unfortunately, that’s not something we all experience.”
“I love my parents, I do. But, my entire family decided to abandon my husband when he was in need and by extension, abandoned me. While I understand their reasoning, I don’t agree and don’t feel like I owe them anything else at this point in my life. It’s a hard pill to swallow. But I’ll be damned if I don’t go out and live my life to the fullest despite their bullsh*t.” – Pale-Avocado-1069
“NTA.”
“They did NOTHING special!!!”
“They provided food and shelter to their minor child that they chose to bring into the world. Bare minimum.”
“Had they done extra as parents, you know like paying or at least supporting you through college, then they MAY deserve at least to be heard, but only maybe.”
“The mere fact that they have NEVER reached out to meet their grandchildren until they have their hands out indicates they have no real desire to be in their lives, other than use them for personal gain, and your children should not be exposed to them.”
“Block them and move on to enjoy YOUR happiness.”
“As for those trying to guilt you or giving unsolicited advice. Tell them you would gladly give them your parents’ contact information so they can personally contribute to their upkeep.” – Odd-End-1405
“NTA – parents choose to have children ( or keep children, you know what I mean) they are suppose take care of their kids. You have your own kids to take care of, and your own responsibilities to try to set up your future as to not over burden your adult children with bills.”
“If they wanted to start up a relationship with you and your family, that is one thing and could be good, could be toxic. But clearly their main focus is pay our rent and bills. Hard Pass! (they probably think they’re owed a relationship with their grandchildren no.) “ – CommonCow495
Overall, Redditors thought it was rich that the OP’s parents reached out to the child they never showed up for until they needed something, which in this case was to provide housing of cover their rent.
Redditors maintained the OP owed their parents nothing. Blood isn’t always thicker than water.