For an introvert, their home can be their sanctuary. It’s the place they can go to get away from the world.
So giving up their privacy is difficult.
A woman asked to open her home to a coworker turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ema11e asked:
“AITA for not letting my coworker stay at my place even though I ‘have the space’?”
The original poster (OP)—without the use of capital letters—explained:
“so I (23, female) live alone in a small 2 bedroom house. one room is mine, the other one is basically my everything room. It’s my office, my closet, storage, sometimes i just lay on the floor in there and stare at the ceiling when life sucks.”
“it is NOT a guest room. I’ve lived with horrible roommates before so I worked really hard to be able to afford my own place and I love having my space. it’s literally my safe little bubble.”
“anyways, one of my coworkers (25, female) got into a huge fight with her roommates and they kicked her out. she was venting at work and i felt bad and was like ‘that sucks omg’ and even sent her a few places to look at.”
“I was trying to be helpful without inviting chaos into my life, yk?”
“later that night she texts me saying ‘hey I was thinking maybe I could just crash with you for a few weeks since you live alone and have the space?’.”
“i literally got that sinking feeling in my chest. no. no no no. i’m not even close to her.”
“we’re cool at work but we’ve never even hung out outside of lunch breaks and complaining about our boss. she doesn’t know anything about me. and i don’t know her like that.”
“why would she live in my HOUSE.”
“so i replied super politely like ‘i totally get that you’re going through it but i really value my space and I’m just not in a place where I can have someone stay with me’. like i was NICE. didn’t ghost her. didn’t ignore her. just said no.”
“I am a homebody and really enjoy my personal space given the fact I work two jobs and my home is my only carefree space.”
“If it was family or my best friend it would be a different story. But for added context I’ve only been working at this job for 6 months.”
“next day she’s acting really weird. then another coworker tells me she said i ‘let her be homeless’ when i ‘have an entire room to myself’. like GIRL.”
“first of all, she’s staying at her [boyfriend’s] place. second of all, I pay to live alone. that’s the whole POINT. I don’t wanna feel tense or uncomfortable in my own space.”
“I don’t wanna tiptoe around a person I barely know. and I definitely don’t wanna deal with ‘just a few weeks’ turning into ‘i’m looking but nothing’s coming through yet’ for 2 months.”
“now ppl at work are acting like I’m the bad guy. sorry for not letting a coworker move into my apartment bc she had a bad fight? idk. i feel bad but like. also no.”
“Aita?”
“I do give too much info and i am very overly apologetic and it’s gotten me into many issues in the past 😭 I have a really hard time saying just ‘no’.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I feel like a could be the a**hole for not letting her stay, even though I DO have spare room living alone.”
“I could be helping someone get back on their feet, but I would rather protect my own peace at the cost of hers.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA), despite her writing style annoying more than a few of them.
“NTA. I don’t understand why a coworker would feel entitled to your home? That’s truly bizarre. Her life is not your responsibility. I mean, I could maybe get it if you were super close and good, long-term friends with a deep connection… but a casual coworker?” ~ SpookyTeaTime
“It’s likely that entitlement that caused the huge blowup with her roommates.”
“OP, for a roommate to get kicked out, they are usually the source of the tension and drama. Under no circumstances do you allow her to move in with you. Shut it down. She does not have the right to push this on you. Shut it down.”
“‘My home is not available for you to move into. This is the end of the conversation. You need to find some place else to live’.”
“If she brings it up again: ‘I was very clear—you are not staying with me. Stop asking. You are making me very uncomfortable’. And you say this in front of your other coworkers and manager.”
“For anyone saying you are making her homeless your response is: ‘Then you are volunteering for her to move in with you. That is so kind of you’. Then tell her, This coworker has volunteered for you to live with her’.” ~ Organic-Willow2835
“More telling is that she’s doing all of this while staying with her boyfriend. A person who should love her very much and have a vested interest in ensuring that she’s safely housed (even if only temporarily) and not living on the streets.”
“Seems he doesn’t see good things for their co-habitation either and has made it known that he won’t allow her to establish a default tenancy status in his home.” ~ Professional_Ruin953
“NTA. You don’t need to find out first hand why her roommates and boyfriend don’t want to live with her either.” ~ 8-Bit-Queef
“It also makes way more sense for her to stay with a long-term partner than a casual co-worker. Long term partner is presumably OK with bathroom habits, shower times, personal care habits, kitchen habits, and home routines, etc…”
“OP don’t feel bad, but I think you need to head this off and mention it to HR. You are NOT in a position to open your home to a co-worker, and it’s totally inappropriate of coworker to ‘bash’ your polite no to other coworkers.”
“She is effectively creating a hostile work environment. If HR isn’t an option, talk to your direct supervisor ASAP and get ahead of this sh*t.” ~ drawkward101
“NTA. For the co-workers saying you’re letting the girl be homeless etc etc… Do you see them offering a place for her to crash? Exactly.” ~ ZookeepergameNo7151
“NTA and I think her reaction demonstrates you dodged a bullet here.” ~ Long-Trust-5870
“NTA. Maybe the snide co-workers should be housing her if they feel that strongly about it, or pool their resources to get her a home.”
“Beyond it being ‘not your problem, not your responsibility’, accepting a roommate is massive decision and once they’re in, it’s hard as hell to get them out.”
“It sucks that they’re being immature about it and throwing shade, but she asked and you said no. You’re not an a**hole for setting boundaries. That’s your space, your home, your safe place.”
“And she probably got kicked out for a reason.” ~ HonestPonder
“NTA. So she:”
“• got kicked out by her room mates for unspecified reasons”
“• is curently staying with her boyfriend, but he doesn’t want her there”
“• has no friends with a spare room/sofa”
“• has no family with a spare room/sofa”
“• knows no other coworkers with a spare room/sofa to ask”
“• is already accusing you of it being your fault she has nowhere to stay -has never before asked to spend time with you outside of work”
“• is throwing sh*t around your work now”
“Please do not back down from your stance. They may have just hit a real rough time through no fault of their own, but that’s not what their behavior is showing.” ~ ArgentumVulpus
“NTA. Maybe you could practice saying something like, ‘It’s weird she’s saying that. I sent her a couple places to look at because I just don’t have the space’. Make it feel like she’s intruding (which she is) and how weird and uncomfortable it is that she asked someone she doesn’t know to live with them.”
“Also, if she got into a fight with her roommates that’s so bad they kicked her out, that’s a red flag. It’s also a red flag that she’s staying with her bf and wants to move in with a stranger. This is giving ‘missing missing reasons’ vibes.” ~ wombatbattalion
“All her roommates got in a fight and kicked her out.”
“That tells you exactly what she would be like to live with. And that is IF you were friends and IF you were even considering it, like on a good day maybe, but no.”
“Also, you don’t have to justify it with ‘I pay for it I need my space it’s mine’. All you need to say is, ‘No’. You don’t need to give even one single reason. ‘No’ is a complete sentence and leaves nothing up for debate.”
“‘No, because…’ makes them think they can negotiate our persuade you. Just like in dating, the reason is ‘no’. Not ‘no I have a bf’, ‘no I’m gay’, ‘no I’m not ready to date’, etc… because they see it as a jumping off point like, ‘Oh so if you WEREN’T, then you’re saying I have a chance’.” ~ Emilayday
The OP provided an update:
“She went to jail. Don’t know what happened, but I feel horrible to say I laughed. Well, solves that issue.”
The OP hasn’t provided any further updates.
Well, I guess that solves that!