It might be 2024, but it seems we need to go over what wedding vows are... again.
They are an agreement to unconditional love between two people, for all of their amazing bits and flaws, as well as every happy and hard time they might go through.
They don't suddenly cease to exist when someone gains weight, side-eyed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Worldly_Young4304 was in a long-distance relationship with her fiancé and had been through some rough times since the last time she saw him, leading her to gain some weight.
But when her fiancé confessed to being embarrassed to be seen with her, the Original Poster (OP) immediately decided that the relationship needed to be over before it became a marriage.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for breaking up with my fiancé after he admitted he's embarrassed by my weight gain?"
The OP recently gained weight after going through a hectic period of responsibilities.
"I (30 Female) am in a long-distance relationship with my fiancé (33 Male)."
"I've always struggled with body image and self-esteem. I used to weigh around 74 KG (163 LBS), but I've recently gained some weight, and I'm now at 79 KG (174 LBS)."
"I just got back from a trip to see him. It's been a tough year with exams and other personal challenges, so I knew I had gained some weight."
"I told him about it and assured him that I planned to actively work on it once I got home."
"It's been about two weeks since I returned. I've changed my diet and started walking two hours daily."
She was shocked when her fiancé held her weight gain against her.
"Yesterday, he called and said he needed to be completely honest with me. He admitted that the reason we didn't go out much during my visit was that he was embarrassed to be seen with me."
"He also said that's why he didn't introduce me to his 'friends' while I was there."
"He essentially told me that my appearance disgusted him and even compared me to my sisters."
"He said I wasn't the person he proposed to and mentioned that if I got pregnant in the future and gained weight, he would expect me to lose it eventually."
"He basically admitted that he wanted a trophy wife, saying that men are visual beings and that he was very unhappy with the weight I had put on."
The OP acted quickly but felt conflicted about her decision.
"I ended the relationship."
"Am I being too sensitive, or am I the a**hole for breaking things off?"
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had done the right thing by breaking up with him.
"A good way to lose a lot of weight all at once." - Schnitzelbub13
"10 pounds up and down is a part of life, and he is not gonna stick by you for the tough times, your body is not gonna stay the same. Lose him." - Demolition-woman223
"What the actual f**k?!"
"You need to run from this man and never look back. Laugh at his 'expectations.'"
"Do you want a man that will leave you if you gain weight?! What happens if you have an accident and lose a limb or have visible scarring?! Get sick and look rough for a few years? Just... Age?!"
"That isn't what love is." - Squeak_Stormborn
"If you want to lose the unwanted weight, try exercise. I recommend running as far away from this creep as you can." - VehicleNo582
"I had to look it up; she only gained like 10 pounds! S**t, I do that while on my period. Definitely NTA!"
"He is TA! His attitude is embarrassing. Good luck with the trophy wife!"
"The OP deserves so much better than that piece of human excrement."
"NTA, OP. There are still a few real men out there. When it's time, you will find yours. Whatever you do, don't settle. The right one won't care if you're 80 KG, 70 KG, or 75 KG, he will love you, not a number on the scale." - perfectlyjustme
"Girlfriend... Leaving mine was the best thing I ever did..."
"He always made me think the fault was me. It wasn't. F**k that guy."
"Y'all can do better. And don't let him or anyone else say you can't! F**k those people and f**k that mentality. Girl, you can, ain't nobody holding you back but you." - geesekicker
"I'm not normally in the camp of running now, but in this case, I think the long-distance part should stay but lose the relationship bit."
"OP, your ideal weight is where you feel comfortable with yourself, never change for someone else. Bodies, like looks, change over time and if he is that obsessed with appearances now, it will only get worse in time."
"Find someone who cares for you, not what you look like." - PaPaJ0tc
Others were certain the OP's ex would struggle in future relationships.
"Embarrassed by a five KG weight gain?"
"Nah, put the whole man in the bin, girl." - Best_Statistician817
"NTA, OP, of course. But it seems his criticism helped you lose 200 pounds in one go, lol (laughing out loud)."
"I was complaining about gaining three KG to a guy once and he basically looked at me confused and confessed that his weight fluctuates four to five KG during the day depending if he had a s**t or not that morning. Five KG is nothing." - detikripur
"I can't imagine five KG being the difference between fancying the pants off a person and being so disgusted that you can't be in public with them."
"There's preference and then there's this… OP's partner is ridiculous and won't be successful with women with this attitude."
"Most of us bloat and look up to a size or two bigger on our period, and if OP wants kids in the future, I have no idea how he would handle that, but I don't imagine it would be with support and understanding."
"I've always weighed roughly the same, about 90 KG, lost about eight KG during pregnancy because it made me so sick and put on about 20 KG on maternity leave due to laziness but also I had a c-section and struggled with my mental health so I basically became a postpartum recluse."
"Yeah, it was temporary but Jesus, as if I didn't already feel terrible, I can't imagine feeling pressured and unattractive by my partner."
"Despite being at my pre-pregnancy weight, my body has also completely changed, my belly most noticeably, and without surgery, it's not getting better than it is now."
"People lose and gain weight, bodies sag, they lose muscle and get old. It's fine to have preferences, but when your preference is a five KG margin, that's a really high bar for someone to maintain through all of life's challenges consistently, especially when that person is a woman and may want to go through big changes like motherhood and don't get a choice about menopause." - the-juicy-dangler
"I am more like 45 KG and I easily gain two to three KG on my period each month and even more than that from water weight and bloating depending on my exercise and diet."
"Some people are delusional about weight consistency. And then there's this guy." - VulcanCookies
"She doesn't mention her height, but I am on the short side at 5'2". The difference of 163 LBS versus 174 LBS, even on my frame, is negligible. To the point that I doubt even my fiancé would notice the difference unless I literally told him. Unless you're wearing your clothes super tight already, 11 LBS generally shouldn't even require a different size."
"He's a douche canoe, OP is definitely NTA and I'm so proud that she immediately recognized that she doesn't need him in her life anymore and sent him packing!" - autotuned_voicemails
"I hate guys like this fiancé that say, 'Men are visual beings.'"
"No, Waste of Space, YOU might be, but don't speak for all men on the planet."
"I have health issues that greatly impact my weight. My ex had many issues, but he was always supportive about that when I was feeling insecure, and he contributed to my self-esteem improving at the time. We may have broken up, but the reasons why will never include him making me feel inferior, especially about my weight." - tucan-on-ice
"Since I started dating my wife almost eight years ago, she kinda doubled in weight. She has always struggled with her weight."
"She was very skinny and insecure about it because her ex always called her fat, etc."
"I still love her like I loved her then. I've also gained around 15 KG since we started dating and that hasn't changed her love for me as well."
"That piece of s**t is not talking for all the men, only for those that are trash." - sacreblue
The subReddit loudly and unabashedly rooted for the OP standing up for herself and leaving this relationship behind. She lost the only weight that mattered at the moment, and that was the weight of the relationship and her toxic ex's pressure on her shoulders.
With time, she'd surely find someone who would appreciate her without ever even needing to see a scale.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.