It might be 2024, but it seems we need to go over what wedding vows are… again.
They are an agreement to unconditional love between two people, for all of their amazing bits and flaws, as well as every happy and hard time they might go through.
They don’t suddenly cease to exist when someone gains weight, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Worldly_Young4304 was in a long-distance relationship with her fiancé and had been through some rough times since the last time she saw him, leading her to gain some weight.
But when her fiancé confessed to being embarrassed to be seen with her, the Original Poster (OP) immediately decided that the relationship needed to be over before it became a marriage.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for breaking up with my fiancé after he admitted he’s embarrassed by my weight gain?”
The OP recently gained weight after going through a hectic period of responsibilities.
“I (30 Female) am in a long-distance relationship with my fiancé (33 Male).”
“I’ve always struggled with body image and self-esteem. I used to weigh around 74 KG (163 LBS), but I’ve recently gained some weight, and I’m now at 79 KG (174 LBS).”
“I just got back from a trip to see him. It’s been a tough year with exams and other personal challenges, so I knew I had gained some weight.”
“I told him about it and assured him that I planned to actively work on it once I got home.”
“It’s been about two weeks since I returned. I’ve changed my diet and started walking two hours daily.”
She was shocked when her fiancé held her weight gain against her.
“Yesterday, he called and said he needed to be completely honest with me. He admitted that the reason we didn’t go out much during my visit was that he was embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“He also said that’s why he didn’t introduce me to his ‘friends’ while I was there.”
“He essentially told me that my appearance disgusted him and even compared me to my sisters.”
“He said I wasn’t the person he proposed to and mentioned that if I got pregnant in the future and gained weight, he would expect me to lose it eventually.”
“He basically admitted that he wanted a trophy wife, saying that men are visual beings and that he was very unhappy with the weight I had put on.”
The OP acted quickly but felt conflicted about her decision.
“I ended the relationship.”
“Am I being too sensitive, or am I the a**hole for breaking things off?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had done the right thing by breaking up with him.
“A good way to lose a lot of weight all at once.” – Schnitzelbub13
“10 pounds up and down is a part of life, and he is not gonna stick by you for the tough times, your body is not gonna stay the same. Lose him.” – Demolition-woman223
“What the actual f**k?!”
“You need to run from this man and never look back. Laugh at his ‘expectations.'”
“Do you want a man that will leave you if you gain weight?! What happens if you have an accident and lose a limb or have visible scarring?! Get sick and look rough for a few years? Just… Age?!”
“That isn’t what love is.” – Squeak_Stormborn
“If you want to lose the unwanted weight, try exercise. I recommend running as far away from this creep as you can.” – VehicleNo582
“I had to look it up; she only gained like 10 pounds! S**t, I do that while on my period. Definitely NTA!”
“He is TA! His attitude is embarrassing. Good luck with the trophy wife!”
“The OP deserves so much better than that piece of human excrement.”
“NTA, OP. There are still a few real men out there. When it’s time, you will find yours. Whatever you do, don’t settle. The right one won’t care if you’re 80 KG, 70 KG, or 75 KG, he will love you, not a number on the scale.” – perfectlyjustme
“Girlfriend… Leaving mine was the best thing I ever did…”
“He always made me think the fault was me. It wasn’t. F**k that guy.”
“Y’all can do better. And don’t let him or anyone else say you can’t! F**k those people and f**k that mentality. Girl, you can, ain’t nobody holding you back but you.” – geesekicker
“I’m not normally in the camp of running now, but in this case, I think the long-distance part should stay but lose the relationship bit.”
“OP, your ideal weight is where you feel comfortable with yourself, never change for someone else. Bodies, like looks, change over time and if he is that obsessed with appearances now, it will only get worse in time.”
“Find someone who cares for you, not what you look like.” – PaPaJ0tc
Others were certain the OP’s ex would struggle in future relationships.
“Embarrassed by a five KG weight gain?”
“Nah, put the whole man in the bin, girl.” – Best_Statistician817
“NTA, OP, of course. But it seems his criticism helped you lose 200 pounds in one go, lol (laughing out loud).”
“I was complaining about gaining three KG to a guy once and he basically looked at me confused and confessed that his weight fluctuates four to five KG during the day depending if he had a s**t or not that morning. Five KG is nothing.” – detikripur
“I can’t imagine five KG being the difference between fancying the pants off a person and being so disgusted that you can’t be in public with them.”
“There’s preference and then there’s this… OP’s partner is ridiculous and won’t be successful with women with this attitude.”
“Most of us bloat and look up to a size or two bigger on our period, and if OP wants kids in the future, I have no idea how he would handle that, but I don’t imagine it would be with support and understanding.”
“I’ve always weighed roughly the same, about 90 KG, lost about eight KG during pregnancy because it made me so sick and put on about 20 KG on maternity leave due to laziness but also I had a c-section and struggled with my mental health so I basically became a postpartum recluse.”
“Yeah, it was temporary but Jesus, as if I didn’t already feel terrible, I can’t imagine feeling pressured and unattractive by my partner.”
“Despite being at my pre-pregnancy weight, my body has also completely changed, my belly most noticeably, and without surgery, it’s not getting better than it is now.”
“People lose and gain weight, bodies sag, they lose muscle and get old. It’s fine to have preferences, but when your preference is a five KG margin, that’s a really high bar for someone to maintain through all of life’s challenges consistently, especially when that person is a woman and may want to go through big changes like motherhood and don’t get a choice about menopause.” – the-juicy-dangler
“I am more like 45 KG and I easily gain two to three KG on my period each month and even more than that from water weight and bloating depending on my exercise and diet.”
“Some people are delusional about weight consistency. And then there’s this guy.” – VulcanCookies
“She doesn’t mention her height, but I am on the short side at 5’2”. The difference of 163 LBS versus 174 LBS, even on my frame, is negligible. To the point that I doubt even my fiancé would notice the difference unless I literally told him. Unless you’re wearing your clothes super tight already, 11 LBS generally shouldn’t even require a different size.”
“He’s a douche canoe, OP is definitely NTA and I’m so proud that she immediately recognized that she doesn’t need him in her life anymore and sent him packing!” – autotuned_voicemails
“I hate guys like this fiancé that say, ‘Men are visual beings.'”
“No, Waste of Space, YOU might be, but don’t speak for all men on the planet.”
“I have health issues that greatly impact my weight. My ex had many issues, but he was always supportive about that when I was feeling insecure, and he contributed to my self-esteem improving at the time. We may have broken up, but the reasons why will never include him making me feel inferior, especially about my weight.” – tucan-on-ice
“Since I started dating my wife almost eight years ago, she kinda doubled in weight. She has always struggled with her weight.”
“She was very skinny and insecure about it because her ex always called her fat, etc.”
“I still love her like I loved her then. I’ve also gained around 15 KG since we started dating and that hasn’t changed her love for me as well.”
“That piece of s**t is not talking for all the men, only for those that are trash.” – sacreblue
The subReddit loudly and unabashedly rooted for the OP standing up for herself and leaving this relationship behind. She lost the only weight that mattered at the moment, and that was the weight of the relationship and her toxic ex’s pressure on her shoulders.
With time, she’d surely find someone who would appreciate her without ever even needing to see a scale.