Good-humored jokes and little pranks can be a fun way to ease tension, especially at family functions that can otherwise seem a bit awkward and stuffy.
But in order for those to land well and earn a laugh, they have to be, well, good... and definitely not at the expense of someone else.
That was certainly not the case for a woman on Reddit who dumped her boyfriend after he announced a fake pregnancy to his "traditional" family on Thanksgiving, so she turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Crystal_Serenity asked:
"AITAH for ruining Thanksgiving after my boyfriend announced my 'pregnancy' and his mom fainted?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Alright, so I (20/F[emale]) went to my boyfriend Jake's (22/M[ale]) family's Thanksgiving dinner last week."
"We'd been dating a year, and this was my first time meeting the whole squad, so I was already kinda nervous."
"Before we left, Jake joked about how his family was super traditional and said I should 'be ready' for some old-fashioned vibes."
"I just laughed it off."
"Dinner starts and everything's fine until Jake suddenly goes, 'Hey everyone, we have big news!'"
"I'm sitting there like, what big news?"
"Then he grins at me and says, 'Tell them, babe.'"
"I'm panicking, so I just sit there confused, and his mom is already emotional asking if we're engaged or something."
"Then Jake drops, 'She's pregnant!'"
"Y'all, I am NOT pregnant."
"I immediately start denying it, but Jake's cracking up, saying it's 'just a joke' and telling me to 'play along.'"
"His family isn't laughing."
"His mom legit FAINTS, his dad starts yelling, and his grandma is praying under her breath."
"I'm mortified."
"I stand up and go, 'Actually, the real joke is Jake thinking I'd stay with someone who'd pull this,' and I walked out."
"Jake's been blowing up my phone saying I embarrassed him and 'ruined Thanksgiving.'"
"His family is apparently mad at me for causing drama, but like… I didn't announce a fake pregnancy and traumatize his mom??"
"AITA for walking out and leaving him to deal with the mess?"
Redditors weighed in and decided OP is not the a**hole (NTA) in this situation.
"I don't see how you are the AH here."
"His family sounds awful and he sounds immature."
"You can definitely do better." - Far_Information_9613
"NTA."
"Your now probably ex-boyfriend thinks that putting you on the spot immediately with no warning in front of your family is totally ok."
"Nope. OP good job on that." - GhostPantherAssualt
"bro really thought a fake pregnancy announcement to his whole traditional family was gonna be peak comedy."
"NTA, let him deal with the mess he made" - joshuadefty
"NTA"
"First off, what he was epic embarrassing, disrespectful, and stupid."
"Second, you did not ruin Thanksgiving. It was his doing start to finish."
"Third, if IF (I mean IF) his family is mad at you for drama... um, who cares?"
"You are hopefully dumping him anyway, and who cares what a random family thinks of you in the world somewhere."
"And if you aren't dumping him, there was no way for you to stay there and somehow make that entire event not awkward as hell."
"Also, you are hearing this 'they're mad at you for drama' from him, not his family, and he's already proven to be unreliable in life skills, so he's probably lying anyway." - Zestyclose-Sky-1921
"Jake, aka: your ex, has no respect for anyone, you dodged a bullet OP, NTA." - Silly-Scene6524
"NTA."
"The fact that his family is blaming you explains why he thinks that he can get away with a rotten prank like that-- they have never called him out for any bad behavior, which is another reason to stay broken up with this guy." - Fredredphooey
"NTA."
"In a healthy relationship he would have set you up for success with his family so they would like you for decades."
"Instead he set you up for them to never be able to see you for yourself or support you."
"All for a quick 'joke' that was only funny to himself." - Big_Zucchini_9800
"NTA. it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and embarrassed by the situation."
"Jake's joke about announcing a fake pregnancy was highly inappropriate, especially in front of his family."
"It's one thing to joke around with your partner, but publicly making a false claim like that—especially about something as sensitive and significant as pregnancy—is bound to cause confusion and stress" - BigBossSoldTheWorld
"NTA."
"Definitely stay away from them, especially if they want to blame this on you." - Dry_Ask5493
"Jake really woke up and chose chaos for Thanksgiving dinner."
"Imagine thinking a fake pregnancy announcement is prime dinner-table humor when your mom's one faint away from the ER."
"Honestly, you didn't ruin Thanksgiving he served it on a platter of awkward and called it 'family bonding.'" - chocolattetreat
"NTA but Jake is he is the one that caused all the drama, and now he is learning that if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes." - Serious_Bat3904
"NTA. Not a joke."
"Your ex is a major a**hole" - mrp0972
"NTA, you handled it well."
"Your boyfriend's prank was disrespectful and thoughtless."
"You deserve better." - PearlFerinya
"NTA."
"You do not want to be a part of that family. Ever!" - Choice_Anything8880
"NTA."
"Stick with the mindset you had at the Thanksgiving table: why would I stay with someone who would make such an inappropriate joke."
"Keep that thought." - MadCityScientist
"NTA."
"Your boyfriend told you they're super-traditional, and he used it to bully both you and his family."
"Whatever rage he feels that he expressed toward his family will be directed at you if you stay."
"There is no saving that situation or relationship."
"Be kind and let his family save face, too, by blaming you."
"But please, run from this jerk." - atmasabr
"NTA. Great job!"
"Very proud of you for standing up to his horsesh*t."
"Never speak to this bum again." - Active-Pay-8031
"'Causing drama' lol"
"He f**ked around and found out. That's his mess, not yours."
"You're 20. Noping out of fu*kwitted sh*t like that is wise beyond your years."
"Go you!"
"If his family are actually annoyed at you, then that's a double nope." - boopbleps
"A 20 year old who stood up and said 'nope!' and walked out? Well done!"
"Your parents ought to be real proud of you! NTA, of course!" - Hyacinth_Bouque
"NTA."
"His family is mad at you! Not their arsehat son?"
"You have dodged multiple bullets here." - jmelross
"Yikesssss. NTA."
"This 'joke' sounds borderline manipulative to me."
"He knew his family would have over-the-top reactions."
"He knew you would be put on the spot."
"He's the one who ruined Thanksgiving." - AdorableEmphasis5546
"NTA but you're definitely my new hero for not taking that sh*t, saying that epic line, and just walking out."
"I'm more than double your age (mid-40sF), and I want to be you when I grow up."
"👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏" - Substantial-Image941
"NTA, block his number, and don't look back."
"I'm proud of you for walking away from that toxic mess" - Practical-Ant7330
"🚩🚩🚩He likes to f**k with people."
"His own family. You included."
"In my opinion it's one of the worst and most annoying traits in a person."
"NTA." - Comprehensive-Toe333
"Good on OP honestly."
"He acted less like a 22-year-old and more like a 16-year-old."
"I mean, if his family thought it was funny, I could see how it could all be brushed off and turn into fun banter, but clearly, he didn't stand up for you afterward and take ownership for his stupidity in embarrassing you."
"It's one thing to be kind of goofy but to be goofy and stupid?"
"Yeah good on OP for not taking his BS before things got too serious." - Federal-Savings-3589
"nta - and jake is 100% lying to you about his family blaming you."
"he's trying to guilt you back into a relationship."
"if it's truly bothering you, write them a letter or email and settle it, but don't go back to that immature peice of sh*t." - az-anime-fan
"NTA and I love what you said."
"Jake ruined his own Thanksgiving and he did it intentionally and maliciously."
"He knew what would happen and he didn't care about them or you."
"But leave it to a narcissistic douche bag to blame it on everyone else." - MeekaD920
"YOU ruined Thanksgiving?"
"Talk about some serious projecting!"
"He made the joke! He caused his mother to faint."
"NTA...your ex-BF should reap the whirlwind from his family for his stupidity." - PhilaBurger
"Oh my goodness.. absolutely NTA."
"Jake needs to grow the f up." - Alternative-Job-8344
"I would've froze for a second and then acted all shocked, asking how he knew???"
"I only took the test this morning and haven't had a chance to figure out how to tell you."
"Basically act like you really are to freak him out, then when he's hooked in, ask him how it feels to be lied to about something so huge."
"NTA" - DissconnectNotReady
Well, OP's fellow Redditors are certainly proud of the way she handled the situation.
Hopefully she sticks to her guns and avoids future drama.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp