Every person who says “I Do” wants it to be a day they’ll never forget.
Wanting a perfect wedding isn’t a crime.
But the event should be unforgettable for all of the right reasons.
Family drama can tend to blur the beauty of it all.
Family not showing up can certainly be unforgettable.
Redditor Marwyn-the-Mage wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my family that my sister strongly implied that she doesn’t want me at her wedding, causing most of them to RSVP no?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister and I have always had a complex relationship and are very different from one another but I do love her and only want her to be happy.”
“She got engaged a few months ago, and at the beginning of last month, she called me and told me that they’re going to have the wedding in Alberta since his whole family is there.”
“Then she said that she wanted me there but would ‘totally understand’ if I didn’t come since I don’t fly and it’s a 3-4 day drive.”
“At that moment, I didn’t realize she was telling me not to come, so I told her that I wouldn’t miss it for the world, that I would drive with our cousin and make a road trip out of it.”
“Last Thursday, I got my invitation, and when I called to RSVP, I asked about the dress code since my Dad told me that she emailed him about a certain color suit and tie so they could coordinate the pictures.”
“She told me that I didn’t have to worry about that, that it’s nothing personal but because I have stretched ears, piercings, and a tattoo on my hand, I don’t fit the aesthetic they’re going for.”
“So if I come we’ll take pictures with just us but I won’t be in THE pictures.”
“I don’t cry often but that made me cry and I told her that if she doesn’t want me there I won’t go, she didn’t say anything and we hung up.”
“On Friday I had lunch with my grandparents and my uncle and told them about it, my grandmother got so upset that she started crying and told me that if I’m not welcome neither are my grandparents.”
“My aunt and her husband and all my cousins RSVP’d no as well and my brother and parents are thinking about not going as well. “
“Although it means the world that they love me so much, I feel awful like I’ve ruined my sister’s wedding and that I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Tell me, am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Hope her aesthetically empty bride side fits her mood board.” ~ Classic-Delivery3875
“Let’s hope the groom gets a clue as to what kind of person their future spouse actually is before the wedding happens.” ~ rainyhawk
“What’s with all these brides playing doll houses and dressing up with actual humans?”
“It blows my mind the level of self-centeredness that’s on display here.”
“OP you are clearly NTA, your sister is, and it’s wonderful you have supportive family members who accept people for being who they are and act accordingly; stand firmly with those who are warm and loving and give a cold shoulder to shallow airheads.” ~. Vaiuri
“NTA – you had every right to speak to your family about being hurt.”
“It was their choice to turn down the invitation.” ~ Sad-Country-9873
“As much as I hate to see yet another post about a bride who cares more for aesthetics than her family, I am so happy to see the rest of your family supporting you.”
“Often this isn’t the case in these situations. NTA!” ~ Anon_819
“NTA. You didn’t make the decision for them or ask them not to go; they chose to opt out.” ~ artificialdisasters
“NTA. And I have to ask, WTF is it with all these brides being focused on a f**king AESTHETIC and not spending the day with family and friends and focusing on that???”
“This is the 4th or 5th post like this I’ve read this week, and it’s f**king MONDAY.” ~ Realistic-Weird-4259
“Wow, this is actually the best family dynamic I’ve ever read on this sub.”
“Usually it would go ‘So my family told me to remove my piercings or else I couldn’t come to the wedding at all.’”
“But you have a family who stood up for you in their own way.”
“That’s something to be proud of. NTA.” ~ stugots_05
“NTA – Your sister cares more about appearances than family.” ~ iamk1ng
“NTA. Your sister has obviously not cultivated much loyalty in the family.”
“Apparently, she’s not any nicer to them than she is to you.”
“Your sister is an AH.”
“You did nothing wrong by telling the truth.”
“SHE ruined her wedding by her attitude towards you.”
“Sharing what she said and why you’re not going to the wedding is not a crime.”
“If she didn’t want it to get around, then she shouldn’t have said it.”
“I can’t even say my sister and I are friendly but I would never, ever dream of excluding her from my wedding!”
“You and your family should hold a party for everyone not going.” ~ uTop-Artichoke5020
“Honestly, you’d have to be a bit dense to not get the message his sister was sending him.”
“She ‘totally understands’ if OP doesn’t come.”
“OP won’t be in the wedding photos. Silence when asked if she didn’t want OP to come.”
“Gimme a break.”
“NTA, OP.”
“Your sister made her feelings known and now your family is showing solidarity and making their feelings known.”
“Blaming yourself takes away their agency, their choice.”
“Blaming yourself implies that your entire extended family can’t think for themselves.”
“I completely understand your response and even your instinct to blame yourself, but your sister has absolutely nobody to blame but herself, and your family absolutely has the right to come together and show you (and your sister) how much you mean to them.”
“Don’t let anyone (or any commenter) tell you differently.” ~ G1Gestalt
“NTA. This isn’t your fault or your decision.”
“Your sister made the decision that you didn’t ‘fit the aesthetic they were looking for.'”
“If it ruins her wedding, then this is on her and the decisions she made.”
“Your family is saying that they do not appreciate your sister purposely excluding a member of the family from the wedding.”
“No decision you made led to this.”
“You did not tell your grandparents about this out of spite – you were simply seeking comfort.”
“It is a mark in your favor that you feel guilty about this – it shows that you do want the best for the people around you.”
“But you should understand, at least intellectually, that it isn’t your fault and your family’s reactions aren’t your fault.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA and you haven’t ruined your sister’s wedding; your sister is ruining your sister’s wedding.”
“I can’t understand the attitude of everybody needing to fit a certain ‘aesthetic’ in order to be special enough to attend a wedding. WTF.”
“Just invite the people you want to celebrate with and enjoy the evening.”
“Weddings don’t need to be as complicated as some people make them.”
“Hopefully, she realizes her mistake, and clearly, she doesn’t get to have her picture-perfect day while making a family member feel like s**t.”
“She definitely owes you an apology.” ~ BoobySlap_0506
“NTA… your family is free to make their own decisions.”
“Apparently, your sister isn’t too popular with them either.”
“Maybe their relationships with her are ‘complex’ too.” ~ Scrapper-Mom
“NTA. While it is your sister’s wedding, and she can invite whomever she wants, the ‘not fitting the look’ she is going for is a weak excuse.”
“Other family members are free to choose if they attend or not, so if they don’t attend, it is not your fault.”
“Just keep being you and don’t change for others.” ~ kiwimuz
“NTA. Plenty, and I mean plenty of people in AB, have stretched ears, piercings, and tattoos.”
“In fact, you would probably fit in here better than she would, as it’s hard to find anyone without a tattoo here.”
“Your sister needs to get over herself.”
“Despite our conservative reputation, we got no time for people like her.” ~ Hefty-Equivalent6581
“NTA. Your sister was open about not wanting you in the family pictures.”
“That’s tantamount to disowning you.”
“You were honest about the situation with the rest of the family, and they made their own choices about what kind of people they want in their family.”
“And it’s not the sort of person who chooses aesthetics over siblings or who invites a family member only to not include them as a family in a very, very public forum.”
“That’s not just mean, it’s cruel.” ~ Cryptographer_Alone
“NTA. This bad judgment was all on THEM.”
“And poorly handled to boot.”
“My sister was like this; she didn’t have my WIFE in the wedding party because she didn’t fit the ‘aesthetic.'”
“My wife was the mother of three little ones at the time and was not thin like my sister’s friends.”
“I wasn’t at the wedding party either and couldn’t have cared, but this really hurt my wife.”
“I stated I wasn’t going, but in the end, I was stupid and caved into my parent’s guilting me into attending.”
“Never again.”
“I regret letting them manipulate me and putting me through that.”
“What my parents should have done was to let things go, but they wanted the ‘perfect’ wedding.”
“And it was.”
“Two a**holes marrying. Perfect.”
“Years later, they’ve elevated a**hole to a master level.” ~ ProfessionalBread176
“Not your place to worry about what other people do.”
“I wouldn’t go.”
“They choose to not go due to the restrictiveness of the request.”
“Not your decision on their behalf.”
“Choices make others make their own choices.”
“Not your problem. NTA.” ~ Lucky_Log2212
Reddit is with you, OP.
It is your sister’s wedding, so her wedding, her rules.
But this is hurtful behavior.
It may be best to try to get everyone to communicate together.
So that this situation doesn’t get any messier.
Good Luck.