Losing weight is always a challenge.
Millions of people struggle with weight issues every single day.
It can be the cause of a lot of stress in life.
Weight issues can also stir up a lot of relationship drama.
Talking about weight in a relationship can be a very awkward situation.
Redditor Interesting-Round852 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for pointing something out and ‘fat shaming’ my partner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My G[irl]F[riend] has started trying to be healthier and lose weight.”
“She doesn’t like how she looks, and she is overweight, so she’s trying to make better choices and lose weight.”
“She’s cut out a lot of unhealthy snacks she used to eat, such as chocolate biscuits, crisps, cookies, etc., and she’s replaced them with alternatives.”
“The problem is she’s replaced them with snacks that are still calorie-dense.”
“Shes eating more peanut butter, honey roasted nuts, etc., and she’s having quite large portions of these when she has them.”
“She was talking the other day about how she’s glad to be making better choices, but she’s confused that she hasn’t been losing weight.”
“I mentioned to her that a lot of the snacks she’s eating are still quite high in calories so while they might be better for her than what she used to eat, she’s still eating a lot of them and they are likely to have more calories in than what she used to snack on so to lose weight, so she’ll still need to cut down on what she’s snacking on, as she’s still snacking quite a lot.”
“She said I was fat-shaming her and telling her she’s eating too much, but I just pointed out I was just explaining to her why she hasn’t lost weight after changing some of her eating habits.”
“She said again I was fat-shaming her, but I disagree.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for ‘fat shaming’ when offering advice?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. My husband has put on a good 50 lbs since retiring from the military, and was complaining that his shirts didn’t fit.”
“My response was, ‘Well, you should probably cut the alcohol down and get back to the gym.'”
“He accused me of fat-shaming him.”
“Like, what am I going to say?”
“Blame it on the dryer?”
“I have eyes.”
“It’s an impossible conversation.”
“Sorry, OP. :)” ~ another_vodka_please
“NTA. In these situations, the first thing you say is ‘Am I helping, or listening?'”
“Figure out what they want.” ~ Tazmosis85
“Your girlfriend is making better food quality choices, but she has not recognised the calorific values of her improved diet.”
“You did her a favor.”
“Certainly not fat shaming.”
“It might be helpful if your girlfriend weighs her new snacks and calculates the calorie content of her portions until she has a better idea of the calories she’s consuming.” ~ Is-this-rabbit
“I agree that weighing food would be a reality check for the girlfriend, but I would tread with extreme caution when recommending this to someone.”
“I went down that path in my early 20s and ended up with an eating disorder.”
“Once I started weighing and measuring everything, it was very hard for me to stop.” ~ friend-of-potatoes
“NTA, she needs to understand how fat loss works.”
“She needs to eat fewer calories than she burns.”
“Just changing the food she eats will do nothing if she doesn’t change the portion sizes.”
“Eating 500 calories of chocolate is no different from 500 calories of apples.”
“It’s all still 500 calories.” ~ ConclusionUnusual320
“NTA. Her body is probably reeling with shock after changing diet, and so the realization that she has to give up more is probably making her upset because that also reveals how much she was unknowingly overeating.”
“It’s not a fun thing to realize.”
“She was feeling accomplished and happy for eating better, and you brought the unfortunate truth that while she is eating better, it ‘isnt enough.'”
“However, you didn’t do anything wrong here; you were just the bearer of bad news.” ~ TheSkyElf
“NTA. She’s clearly sensitive about her weight, but it doesn’t sound like you were being mean.”
“If she wants to lose weight, she needs to know that portion control is as important as what she’s eating.”
“From a guy who is working on losing weight and would love to have 4 rice cakes smeared with a heap of peanut butter, but only has two lightly coated ones. LMAO.” ~ TheOneReclaimer
“NTA. Honey-coated nuts would be sooo calorie-dense.”
“Respectfully, as someone who is also trying to lose weight and loves honey-roasted nuts.” ~ No-Blood-9680
“NTA, that isn’t fat shaming at all.”
“I was just information, which I thought was tactfully given in response to her question.”
“Sounds like she’s just embarrassed and frustrated at her lack of progress and is getting defensive instead of taking accountability.”
“If she doesn’t want to believe what you’re saying, suggest you both start using a calorie tracking app, like My Fitness Pal (basic version is free) or Noom.”
“Then she can see for herself how her choices are affecting her goals.” ~ AlriRayne
“NTA. You aren’t fat-shaming her; you’re explaining why something she’s expecting to happen isn’t happening.”
“If she’s still mad at you, perhaps apologize for upsetting her (which I assume wasn’t your intention) and suggest looking into better snack options together.”
“There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”
“Now, to both of you: Lashing out like this is not healthy communication.”
“Next time either of you is unsure if the other meant something the way you’re interpreting it, ask.”
“‘Did you mean for that to sound like you’re fat-shaming me?'”
“Then, you need to keep an open mind and listen.”
“‘No, not at all! You asked why you’re not losing weight even though you’re eating better, and I think that’s why. You’re definitely eating better foods, just maybe too much of those foods specifically, not overall.'”
“This will help you communicate better and help your relationship in the long run.” ~ Ill-Attention-173
“NTA. That isn’t what ‘Fat shaming’ is.”
“You did nothing wrong by pointing out her faulty thinking.”
“You weren’t shaming her; you were giving information.”
“Huge difference!”
“She needs to see a nutritionist and therapist.” ~ AuntNicoliosis
“NTA – I have the exact same problem with my wife.”
“Wants to lose weight, does all the things, but then mass consumes her ‘Healthy Options.'”
“I’ve tried to explain to her it’s only healthier to a point, but… Yeah.”
“So. No. NTA and I fully sympathize.” ~ Mr_Flibbles_ESQ
“Same. My wife gained weight after our daughter was born two years ago and has struggled to keep it off.”
“She doesn’t eat much to begin with, but she eats a bunch of calorie-dense ‘healthy food.'”
“She also falls for the protein gimmick everyone is doing, where they say it has protein or high protein, but fail to advertise it’s 2-3x the calories you want.”
“And then every time she’s ‘on a diet,’ she immediately reverts to cutting carbs, not calories, which turns me into a broken record trying to explain carbs are mostly fine, it’s the calories that need to be monitored.”
“At this point, I just need to pay someone to tell her because obviously she isn’t going to listen to me.”
“Also, she falls for these ‘viral recipes’ all the time, and it annoys me how many times we’re trying out something random she saw on TikTok or Instagram when I’ve gotten to the point where I can finally eat the same thing every day.” ~ _nick_at_nite_
“NTA. But this is one of those places where angels fear to tread.”
“Next time she brings it up, you can suggest that she talk to a professional about it instead of you.” ~ Hoistedonyrownpetard
“NTA I guess, but it’s a vulnerable moment, understand that better and you probably don’t even get that reaction.”
“Don’t attack people who are honestly trying, and I doubt that was your intention, but it was the effect.”
“Instead, maybe try and suggest snacks high in fiber or drinking water before eating, eating more slowly, and please do try and join her on that journey.”
“Be on her team, which you are, but she’s the one needing to feel it more.” ~ omfgsupyo
“NTA, but ask first if she wants your opinion.”
“I know whenever someone comments on stuff like this, it discourages me rather than encourages.”
“I think she just lashed out at you because she probably wants support rather than criticism.” ~ fullofuselessthought
“NTA that is not fat shaming, and you are correct, if she continues down this road, she won’t see much progress anytime soon.”
“But now it’s up to her to educate herself on what you told her, and either follow through or ignore the advice.”
“If she ever complains to you that she’s still not losing weight, then you can reiterate your opinion, but until then, let her be and realize the hard truth on her own.” ~ PsychologicalPlum961
“She needs to track her food.”
“That’s the only way she can see exactly what she’s eating and how much.”
“Get her a really nice food scale as a gift, maybe one that connects directly to an app.”
“She likely is having this reaction mostly because deep down she knows you’re right, but it’s easier to get mad at you than admit she’s overeating still.” ~ wandershock
“NTA – Changing what you eat to ‘healthier’ foods can mean less cholesterol and things like that, but calories are still calories.”
“I’m losing weight by keeping a food diary.”
“And it’s working.”
“It’s not about starving myself or anything, either.”
“It keeps me from snacking from boredom, rather than hunger, because I want to hit my calorie targets for the day.”
“I’m eating healthier foods too, but if I were eating as much of those as I was before I started tracking calories, I wouldn’t have lost a pound.”
“It’s not fat shaming to advise someone on why their dietary adjustment isn’t working.” ~ inrideo
“NTA. You didn’t criticize her body.”
“You just pointed out she may be getting more calories than she thinks.” ~ notdorisday
Reddit understands what you’re trying to do and say, OP.
Your GF has to process this in her own way.
You were just pointing out facts.
The weight loss struggle is REAL.
Maybe she should talk to a weight counselor or trainer.
Good Luck.