There’s a common saying: “like nails on a chalkboard.”
It refers to something that people find extremely irritating or unpleasant to hear—like the grating, scratchy sound caused by fingernails scraping against a slate chalkboard.
The phrase is still used to describe any sound or situation that causes a strong negative reaction, despite the elimination of chalkboards in most classrooms. Because nails on the whiteboard or the smartboard just doesn’t have the same effect.
If you’ve never experienced nails on a chalkboard firsthand, in the 1975 film Jaws, shark hunter Captain Quint uses his nails on a chalkboard to get a room full of people’s attention.
Some sounds just make our skin crawl.
A woman who’s bothered by her fiancé’s new post meal sound repertoire turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Admirable_Degree_896 asked:
“AITA because I get up for five minutes after my fiancé and I have a meal?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (23, female) and my fiancé (25, male) have been living together for almost 2 years. In the last month or so, my fiancé has adopted the habit of attempting to clean his teeth after eating by making this sucking noise constantly.”
“It is such a disgusting noise and I can’t stand listening to it.”
“For context, I grew up with a grandfather that ate with his mouth open and my grandmother who had issues with her throat. Because of this, for most of my life I was subject to listening to some pretty gross noises while they ate.”
“As an adult, I don’t want to be subject to the same experience if I don’t have to.”
“I’ve brought it to my fiancé’s attention several times. Every time he acknowledges it and says that he’ll try to stop, he just feels like there’s something in his teeth.”
“I have suggested floss, toothpicks, those portable toothbrushes. Nothing has worked, he still continues to do it.”
“I don’t really see why I have to force myself to listen to him doing that, so after we eat I’ve made it a point to get up and go sit in a different area of the house for five minutes.”
“We got into an argument about it and he is calling me an a**hole because I shouldn’t be getting this upset about something he can’t help. Like I said, I’ve already told him several times that I’m not gonna subject myself to listening to him do that.”
“If he’s not gonna make a more conscious effort to not do it, then I’m going to remove myself from situations where I listen to him do that.”
“I’m not even trying to make him feel bad or give him this ultimatum, but I don’t understand why I need to force myself to listen to him do something that genuinely makes my skin crawl just to make him feel better.”
“It’s also important to note, it’s not like he does this just after big meals. He does this multiple times a day after eating pretty much anything.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“After a meal, or after my fiancé eats something, I get up and sit in another part of the house for five minutes.”
“This could make me an a**hole because it’s just a weird thing to do and singles him out.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. You’re upholding a boundary properly (that you will not tolerate gross eating noises at the table), which means you aren’t forcing him or giving him ultimatums, but removing yourself from the room when the behavior occurs.”
“It’s a healthy way to respond to something that bothers you if the person is unwilling to change their behavior.”
“It doesn’t sound like your fiancé is willing to compromise on this habit. Why is that? Are there other situations where he refuses to compromise?”
“When people do something with their mouth, they are generally aware of it. Do you believe that he is physically unable to stop this habit that he has very recently picked up?”
“Do you recognize that he is valuing this habit over your comfort and happiness at the table?” ~ MyNameIsZem
“Yeah, this whole ‘he can’t help it’ is trash. He knows he’s doing it. He knows it bothers OP.”
“And now he has the audacity to get mad when OP is doing what she needs to do for her own sanity? NTA. This guy is a total a**hole!” ~ rexmaster2
“He only started it a freaking month ago! Now is the time for him to try to break this habit, before it gets ingrained. But instead, he doubles down?! He’s an a**hole.” ~ EinsTwo
“NTA. He needs to see a dentist or orthodontist. If he feels like he gets food stuck in his teeth, in a way that he didn’t before, then it might be worth getting a checkup.”
“Teeth can move in a way that puts pressure on the teeth, which can cause damage over time. If he genuinely feels discomfort to the point of needing to do this after every meal then he shouldn’t ignore it.” ~ Constantly_Dizzy
“I mean, she’s suggested multiple different options that would solve him feeling like there’s something in his teeth without him sitting there making endless schlorping noises like a dog enthusiastically licking its own a**hole, and he’s refused all of them.
“He’s tried nothing, but he’s all out of ideas. He 💯 could help it, he simply chooses not to. NTA.” ~ DammitKitty76
“And he can’t give some excuse that floss doesn’t work but somehow just sucking does. Buy a pack of floss sticks.”
“When he starts making the sucking noises, take one out and give it to him. If he doesn’t use it and goes back to sucking, use the other end of the floss stick to stab him.”
“He’ll learn quick. Problem solved.” ~ Bonnasarus
“Honestly more of a factor of whether he actually wants to change or not, and it sounds like he doesn’t. He cares more about how to feel like a victim instead of anything that will actually make things any better.”
“I used to do something all the time that annoyed others. They eventually told me it annoyed them and I honestly didn’t realize I was being annoying, but when they explained, it all dawned on me.”
“But it was also a habit, so what did I do? I just told them to point it out every time I did it again so it helps me break the habit.”
“They understood, I understood. It took a little bit of time and patience but I completely broke the habit.”
“And I was like 13, he’s supposed to be an ADULT.” ~ pay_student_loan
“NTA. He could get up and brush and floss his teeth in the privacy of the bathroom, but chooses not to do that. Do you want to experience years of teeth-sucking?” ~ No_Philosopher_1870
“Imagine just 2 years down the road, and he does this after EVERY meal! I would develop such a resentful attitude that it would end the relationship.”
“I also imagine he would continue to get grosser as time goes by. The fact that he claims he can’t help it, tells me he’s just a jerk.”
“I’m also betting he does other gross crap. I could never marry a man I have to leave the room from. Imagine he lives to 90! 65 years of teeth sucking hell.” ~ Typical_Internet_730
“NTA. I think he likes the attention of it. You’re not screaming at him, you leave the room for a bit.”
“That’s reasonable. To be honest, he should be the one excusing himself and going to the bathroom to do that.” ~ BusydaydreamerA137
“He won’t let you remove yourself from the *checks notes* newly acquired ‘uncontrollable’ habit of sucking his teeth when you’ve expressed a dislike of it? Suggested quieter and less disgusting solutions?”
“Is he trying to ick her out of the engagement? I say this seriously. Is he trying to pick a fight over not discretely picking his teeth? Is he purposefully trying to repulse you into leaving?”
“My ex-boyfriend and I lived together for years after the romantic relationship because we were better off as best friends/housemates, but every time he picked his nose after eating, cracked his knuckles, etc…, I would be eternally grateful that we were not still trying to make a physically intimate relationship work since I would be so thoroughly grossed out.”
“If we had been trying to take things to the fiancé, marriage, next level, and he had begun those behaviors while still trying to be attractive to each other—just no.”
“This guy either thinks he’s got you locked in now you are engaged, or is realizing there is something he can do to make you break it off yourself.” ~ Salty-Kooey
“NTA. He can choose not to do this, he just doesn’t. Plenty of ways to deal with it and you suggested most. Honestly, can’t blame you at all. That would drive me round the absolute f*cking bend.” ~ ReviewOk929
“He’s not even getting mad at her just for being bothered, he’s getting mad at her for refusing to listen to his gross noises. Like, him refusing to control himself is bad enough, but he’s mad because she won’t just sit there and listen?”
“I cannot believe his answer to her hating the sound of him doing this is… she just has to listen to it because he refuses to try anything else. NTA. Your fiancé is an a**hole.” ~ haleorshine
The OP came up with multiple suggestions for her fiancé, then when he refused them all, she found a reasonable solution for herself.
Why her fiancé objects so vehemently to her comfort is something she’ll probably need to examine further.