Guy Leaves Fiancée In Car During Dinner With Friend After She Has Meltdown About Her Hair

I inherited my Mother's thick, curly Haudenosaunee/Metís hair. I learned years ago it's going to do whatever it wants. Maintenance and styling involve washing and combing. It's not worth my time to fight with it. But some people require a flawless appearance before they go out in public. A fed up fiancé turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback. Exhausted-fiance asked:

"AITA for letting my fiancée sit in the car for 2 hrs while I ate dinner because she was complaining about her hair?"

The original poster (OP) explained: "My friend invited me (40, male) and my fiancée (36, female) out for dinner along with another couple. So I asked my fiancée and she said yes we should go." "My friend made the reservation at a restaurant closer to us so we would not have to drive too far, even though it ended up being a much further drive for him and the other couple." "The day of the dinner, she wasn’t feeling great so I told her we didn’t have to go and I could cancel, but she insisted we go, so I did not cancel. So it came time to leave for dinner and my fiancée was struggling with her hair and asked if she could wear a hat." The OP later inserted: "I need to clarify the point about her 'asking' as several comments have been asked about this particular point." "She doesn’t have to ask me permission for anything. She is her own person, and I totally respect her choices." "I typically defer to her opinion and do what she wants, so it didn’t make much sense she asked me if she could instead of just asking my opinion. After the fact, it almost felt like it was a setup." Continuing OP's original post, he stated: "Normally I am completely against wearing hats inside a restaurant because I was raised to believe that hats at the dinner table are disrespectful." "But this place was kind of causal, and I really didn’t want to deal with waiting around an extra hour for her to do her hair and make us late, so I said yes to help move things along." "We drive to the restaurant, arrive just in time and walk up to the door and see the sign that reads: 'no hats allowed in the dining room'. I laugh to myself and think it’s no big deal, so we head back to the car so she can fix her hair." "We get in the car and she starts having a meltdown saying her hair looks like crap and she needs to fix it." The OP also edited the original post to add: "Because this specific question was asked a lot—she has long, curly brown hair, not frizzy, but curls can be tough to control at times." "No hair issues with thinning. She has a healthy head of hair. Thick, curly, long. Usually she styles it with a light curl." In the original post, OP continued: "Her hair really looked just fine, but I stayed quiet at this point because I’m beyond frustrated that she’s acting like a child." "After 5 minutes of her trying to fix her hair, she is getting really upset with me. Based on my experience with her, it seems more like vanity." "She likes to be looked at and tends to think that everyone is paying attention to her, or should be paying attention to her." "I really feel like it was a power move on her part. A ponytail or bun would have been fine." "Meanwhile, we’re late, and my friend has already seen us in the parking lot. I tell her that at this point, I have to go inside, and she says fine, just go, and she will stay in the car." "I go in, explain that she is 'not feeling well', but I tell them she may join us shortly. So we go on to order drinks. She never shows up so I order her a bottle of water and bring it to her to make sure she’s OK." "She seems fine, so I asked her what she wanted to do. She doesn’t really respond, so I say OK, I’m going back into order dinner. I ask her if she wants me to bring her anything, and she says no." "I did offer her that I would take an Uber—she drove—and also offered just to leave and go home but she said no to both." "Several drinks and a really good dinner later, about an hour and a half has passed. I tell my friends I have to go even though I really didn’t want to at this point because I was really upset my fiancée had completely let me down because she was worried about her hair." "I get back to the car and can see that she is enraged. She says that she is humiliated and that I would just leave her there. She also can’t believe that I didn’t help her with her hair and tell her it looked great." "At this point, I tell her she is acting like a child and needs to grow up. I proceeded to explain that she was the one at fault and she had the choice to go into the restaurant or just go home, and I would have taken an Uber." "Several days later, and she is still upset with me. I think she should get over it." "Help me out here. Should I tell her she was right or hold my ground." The OP summed up their situation. "I might be the a**hole because I let my fiancée sit in the car for two hours while I ate dinner. This might make me the a**hole because I could have demanded we cancel the dinner and insisted I take her home instead of just offering." "I'm guessing that's what she wanted since she refused when I suggested it, but is mad now because I did what she said." "I definitely could have done a better job of being more supportive. I totally understand that and there was some immaturity on my part by not stepping up more aggressively." "It’s not a good excuse,  but I was just really tired of this type of behavior and somewhat selfishly focused on myself this time since I looked forward to this dinner." "I could have showered her with nice compliments like usual—I literally talk her up all the time—but I was just tired and a little distracted, anxious to not keep everyone waiting." "It’s not uncommon for her to make us late or cause an incident when we eventually arrive, but this one was a bit much and she made me question my own sanity by throwing it back on me." "I certainly could have been more supportive, but still, it was just super odd and confusing to me to see such a reaction from her over choices she made." Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA). "NTA. She basically said screw everyone’s plans because her hair wasn’t perfect. She’s either extremely vain, or extremely insecure (or some combination of the two). Either way, she’s immature and selfish." "She could have called an Uber home. I’m guessing she sat in the car just so she could play victim." "You went above and beyond by catering to her immaturity and bringing her water / checking in." "She turned what could have been a nice dinner out into an argument because of HAIR." ~ Fast-Bag-36842 "NTA. What a silly reason for staying in the car." "You take off the hat, fluff up your hair, go in, and if you feel the need to mention it, apologize for your hair looking a mess and make a joke, and then you just carry on with the evening. She was behaving childishly." ~ Own_Lack_4526 "NTA. A grown woman had a 2-hour temper tantrum, and chose to pout in the car because her hair wasn't perfect‽ Were you aware that she was like this before you got engaged‽‽" ~ KrofftSurvivor "NTA. She was given multiple chances and multiple options yet she chose to sit in the car and sulk like a bratty child and then get mad at you for the choices she made." "Even at the point she opted to not go in, she could have chosen to Uber home or even take the car and come back for you later or asked you to Uber home." "This grown-a**ed woman (based on age, not maturity level) literally chose to act like the most entitled, immature, bratty baby in existence. Is this a one off or is she this unpleasant often?" ~ ProfPlumDidIt Life is full of choices. The OP chose to do what his fiancée said—not cancel dinner, not go home, and not take an Uber after eating. His fiancée chose to sit in the car. If it wasn't what she wanted to do, she has no one to blame for her decisions but herself.