Each person has a varying level of comfort when it comes to addressing confrontations and other forms of trouble. Some people enjoy it while others will do anything to avoid conflict.
But usually, pretending to not know someone to avoid trouble can be saved for the cartoons and movies, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted their account, pretended to not know their fiancée in order to avoid getting kicked off of a flight with her when she caused a scene.
But when she and their closest friends all took issue with how they’d protected themselves, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if they were wrong for how they’d treated their partner in that moment.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for pretending not to know my fiancée after she had a meltdown while boarding the plane and was eventually thrown off?”
The OP and their fiancée approached packing differently for their vacation.
“My fiancée (maybe not for much longer) and I were on our way back from vacation recently. It was a great time and everything went off without an issue. That is until we started boarding the plane.”
“Now, I know better, I only bring a small backpack with essentials in case I don’t get my checked bags. I can survive out of this backpack and it will always pass baggage check for size and weight (done a lot of traveling so why fight the system).”
“My fiancée didn’t wanna listen to my advice and chose to bring basically a regular full-size bag that barely fits the standards of carry-on, but generally speaking, the airline worker doesn’t wanna deal with the trouble and allowed it through.”
The bag was an issue on the flight back home.
“But this time the airline worker was not having it. It was a packed flight, we were boarding last in Economy and it was just a s**t show.”
“I got through just fine first with my little backpack, but I could hear the argument from the boarding tunnel thingy and it was getting heated.”
“I was about to go back and try to smooth it out but my fiancé rushed past and just boarded the plane, I assumed not having heard it super clear that the attendant had given in and let her on.”
“But that was not the case!”
A scene broke out on the plane.
“So we found our seats and settled in. I was pretty tired and I could tell she was upset, so I just kind of tucked into the window and put my hat down, and tried to take a nap.”
“But soon after, the same airline worker and a cop showed up, and they were not f**king around, and wanted her off the plane.”
“She tried to plead and cry, etc. but they were not having it.”
“And maybe in a moment of panic or just plain self-preservation… the cop asked if we were together, and I blurted out, ‘NO!’ while shaking my head emphatically.”
“I got kill dagger eyes from her as she shot up and grabbed her bag and followed the cop off the plane. She was also swearing and screaming the whole way out.”
“I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have even argued with the airline worker, I’m just not like that. I would have smiled and politely agreed to whatever they wanted. I hate conflicts that are unnecessary.”
The OP was criticized for how they handled the situation.
“Now, obviously, this is well after the event I’m posting this. But when she did eventually get home (she caught the next flight out with the bag checked), I was there to pick her up.”
“She obviously thought I was the a**hole, and to be honest, almost everyone I know thinks I’m an a**hole.”
“This is except for my boss and coworkers, who for context, were very much relying on me to be back on time, and I gave my word I would be, for a really important project that was time sensitive. They were all very happy I didn’t get thrown off too.”
“So, am I the a**hole for this self-preservation?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some admitted the OP was kind of an AH but felt they would have done the same thing.
“Kinda TA. I totally would have probably done the same thing, but still.” – kats1945
“I would have lied about knowing my own mother in that situation so I’m with you. NTA.”
“I’m not about to be taken off a plane for someone else’s bulls**t.” – crankylex
“100% I’m not getting involved with the police due to someone else’s stupidity. You got yourself into that situation, you can get yourself out.”
“I wouldn’t hold it against a partner if they said they didn’t know me in this situation. This would never happen to me though because I’m a respectful adult who doesn’t act this level of fool.” – PawGoodBoy
“ESH. She f**ked up. But you absolutely did too by pretending not to know the PERSON YOU ASKED TO MARRY YOU.”
“You probably just killed your relationship.”
“She needs to grow up. You need to think about what kind of person you want to spend your life with.” – TheWanderingMedic
“This is hilarious. ESH, but gentle.”
“You know you shouldn’t have done that. I mean, it’s an absolutely hilarious reaction to the situation and I am in stitches here, but you know she’s gonna kill you for it.”
“That said, she doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on given she had a massive temper tantrum and then broke the law. She needs a bit of a reality check.” – CreativeBandicoot778
Others urged the OP to consider whether this was someone they wanted to marry.
“NTA and please seriously consider whether you want events like this to be a normal part of your life because someone who reacts like that when she knows she is in the wrong is not going to change!”
“Although if not for the work thing and if you wanted to save the relationship, you probably should have gotten off with her. Not because she was in any way in the right but because she is going to hold this over your head and sulk for a very long time.” – Scarlettrose112
“NTA. Get out while you still can. This is how she’ll be forever. She’ll never learn from this experience.” – BRIrrera
“She threw a tantrum for breaking a rule and airlines are pretty specific about what bag size is considered a carry-on and what items are allowed. Then she escalated things to the point she needed to be escorted off the plane by the police which most likely delayed the flight.”
“A grown woman shouldn’t be acting like this. It’s her fault for choosing to try to pass luggage as a carry-on and not listening to OP beforehand.” – Sanzu456
“OP doesn’t give their ages, but fiancé sounds utterly exhausting. This can’t be the first time OP has witnessed this type of entitled behavior from her; it has to permeate their entire relationship.”
“It’s not up to him to parent an adult and try to change her behavior. If I were OP, I’d be out, or at the bare minimum postponing the marriage for an extended period of time.” – PittieLover1
“In this situation, if fiancé immediately came out of the airport and apologized to OP, then admitted what she did was stupid, I might believe she learned a lesson.”
“But instead, she is calling OP an AH and apparently got friends and family to do the same. I’d walk away from that.” – madlyqueen
“Adults like this are, in my 42 years of experience so far, rarely willing or able to change once they’ve reached this level of self-centeredness. Or whatever term for it you prefer.”
“I tried to fathom a scenario where I would bolt past a gate agent and believe it was going to work out for me. Barring some sort of large-scale zombie apocalypse situation, I can’t see it. Definitely not for an oversized bag.”
“The hilarious part is thinking she could get away with it. You’re going to run onboard with a plane? Pretty easy to find you.” – Left_Debt_8770
“The bag was previously ‘okay,’ since OP said it was borderline for size and weight. I get the impression the fiancée is a boundary pusher and spun out when she didn’t get her way.”
“If OP disavowing her is really the only thing about this incident that upsets her, I suggest OP cut his losses and run. She’ll just push and push and push for the rest of the relationship.” – AntheaBrainhooke
“She brought a bag that barely fit the carry-on weight/size requirements and they boarded nearly last. With a full flight, the flight attendant and gate agent said her bag needed to be checked, which is a very common travel occurrence. You do not have a guarantee of a carry-on, and if you’re boarding last, forget it.”
“She didn’t listen to the gate agent and boarded the flight anyway, which is a safety risk so she was escorted off. She had to check her bag on the next departing flight.”
“I wouldn’t marry someone who caused a scene like this. It shows they’re selfish and entitled. I would have laughed this woman off the plane.” – nan_adams
The subReddit was left shaking their heads over the scene and delays that the OP’s partner likely caused by pushing her way onto a plane and not following instructions.
But as the fellow Redditors pointed out, the OP had some serious thinking to do: about who they wanted to spend their life with, and if that person was also someone they were willing to pretend they did not know in order to avoid conflict.