Being forgetful is a common thing.
The older people get, the more we forget.
But some people just have no sense.
While others are careless or constantly don’t pay attention.
Those actions can make people who care about those people feel like servants because they’re always responsible for caretaking capable people.
Case in point…
Redditor No-Cranberry6043 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to grab whatever my wife forgets in the car?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife can be a little forgetful in general, but she has the habit of sending me to the car to grab something that she forgets pretty much every time we go somewhere.”
“It is usually her purse, but there have been other items as well.”
“This happens like 99% of the time.”
“On Saturday, we went out to eat and she left her purse in the car.”
“I went and got it.”
“When we got home, she forgot it in the car again.”
“At this point, I flatly refused to do it anymore and have stuck to it since then.”
“Yesterday we went to her family for dinner, when she forgot it in the car again, and I refused again.”
“She got a bit huffy with me but went and got it.”
“By the end of the night, she and her sister were laying into me about it not being a big deal.”
“And how I should be willing to grab something she forgot.”
“I don’t disagree if it was occasionally but am tired of doing it every time.”
“AITA or does she need to start remembering her stuff?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – Maybe her going to the car when she forgets things will help jog her memory in the future.” ~ FormulaZR
“Yep, this is how we get our 8-year-old to remember to turn lights off.”
“By regularly interrupting his playtime etc, to ask him to turn it off.”
“It takes a few times but builds the good habit. NTA.” ~ Cloielle
“I dated a guy who refused to ever bring a bag or wear a backpack but whenever we left the house, would inevitably make me put his giant water bottle, wallet, keys, etc… into my bag throughout the day.”
“I finally started refusing, and it only took a couple of times of him carrying his own belongings to start to bring his own bag.”
“NTA, I’d dig my heels in too.” ~ Spaceman_fan
“Agreed NTA.”
“Also, if the wife and her sister think it’s not a big deal, why isn’t she getting it herself without getting huffy?”
“What a ridiculous thing to expect someone to do constantly.” ~ HardKnocksSam
“I doubt she’s forgetting.”
“She leaves it there and then expects OP to fetch it for her when she needs it.”
“I would start asking her if she has her purse and anything else she needs before leaving the car.”
“If she gets annoyed enough, she might stop treating him as a Golden Retriever. NTA.” ~ babcock27
“Agree… and if it’s not a big deal, then she should not mind getting it.”
“It’s funny how she and her sister are saying it’s no big deal while complaining about not getting it.”
“Look at the sister and tell her to do it. NTA.” ~ Agile_Salary_9280
“It’s nice when a partner will go get my phone out of the car.”
“It isn’t expected.”
“I mostly ask when my shoes are already off, and theirs are on.”
“It is nice when they do things for you, especially if acts of service are part of their love language deal.”
“Like once my mom is home, she hates going to the store, but my dad doesn’t mind so he will go for her or himself.”
“But some people like to go together or order in.”
“But if they don’t want to, they don’t want to, and it stops being a sweet thing you do that is appreciated by your partner and an obligation then I wouldn’t want to do it, especially if there is a sister berating me too.”
“It would bother me if we have done this for years, and all of a sudden he is all angry about it when I thought it was a way to show me I am special to them.”
“That would make me think they don’t think I’m special anymore.”
“A sudden change is often an indication of a problem or loss of love and respect.” ~ Mundane-Currency5088
“NTA. Just don’t be TA in how you’re declining to retrieve her forgotten item.”
“I would handle it the same way I’d handle my kid doing this (but only because she’s acting childish about it).”
“‘When you forget one of your items in the car, you need to be the one to go retrieve it.'”
“And then just calmly repeat that on broken record if she whines or objects.” ~ Visual_Humor_2838
“NTA. It’s not even about teaching her a lesson—why in the world are you the default person to go get her stuff?”
“Why should you get sh*t for not wanting to do something she can do just as easily herself?”
“Does she have a physical problem in addition to a mental problem?” ~ bigcup321
“I thought this was going to be like…’I saw that my wife had left something in the car, but I didn’t grab it,’ not a whole trip back to the car for something forgotten.”
“NTA. It’s her job to remember her purse.”
“What would she do if you weren’t there?” ~ Particular_Title42
“NTA. If it’s so frequent that you say it’s ‘every time,’ it’s a power move.”
“Most likely subconscious, but with the way she and her sister reacted, it might not be subconscious because they seemed to overreact to the situation.” ~ rbrancher2
“NTA – or did I miss the part where she employs you as her personal assistant or has some kind of issue where physical movement is a problem for her?”
“Otherwise, it’s her stuff and, therefore, her responsibility.” ~ SunshineShoulders87
“Info: Does your wife have a disability? Do you have children?”
“NTA based on OP’s answer.”
“The wife is just as capable as OP to get her purse, or better yet, remember it in the first place.”
“It’s unreasonable for her to get mad, especially when she is the cause of the problem in the first place.” ~ UteLawyer
“NTA. Goodness, she needs an attitude adjustment.”
“You are not her serf.”
“I hope she doesn’t have anything important in that purse because if she is that forgetful, she must leave it in a lot of places.”
“Or – if she doesn’t – then this is some weird powerplay by her on you.” ~ TempyIsMyName
“NTA. Why is it your job to compensate for her forgetfulness?”
“If she is forced to go back and retrieve the forgotten items each time, it will help her to remember.”
“When reusable grocery bags were first a thing, I kept forgetting to bring mine in the store.”
“So I would have the groceries bagged in paper and make a note to remember the next time, but this never worked.”
“Finally, I decided if I forgot them, I had to load up my purchased groceries with no bags and bag them myself once I got to the car.”
“I did this a few times and never forgot them again.” ~ JeepersCreepers74
“NTA if she’s just hanging out on the couch.”
“Maybe TA if she’s like giving the children baths and cleaning the kitchen, and you’re just watching TV or something.”
“If you’re equally doing things, then she can ask you as a favor, but it makes sense for you to say no if you want to.”
“And if she does this a ton, it may help her to remember if she has to get it herself.” ~ cloud_watcher
“NTA. Why can’t she grab what she forgot?”
“Seriously, sounds like her problem.”
“Not a you problem.”
“If I forget something and someone is nice enough to grab it for me, great!”
“Otherwise, it’s absolutely my responsibility to either get it myself or leave it where it sits.” ~ Foggy_Radish
“NTA, you are not her valet. You are her husband.”
“A couple of times, sure, you can be chivalrous and get it for her.”
“If it’s 3-4 times a day, every day, you might as well be enabling her.”
“Take a stand, my friend.” ~ Maleficent_Owl9248
NTA. If she’s that prone to forgetting, she needs more pockets, a belt bag, and/or less stuff.
“Seriously. She’s the forgetful one.”
“She’s physically capable, so why doesn’t she go out to the car if it’s not such a big deal?”
“What kind of an immature power play is she making?”
“Is she trying to prove to others that she has you under her control?” ~ KappaSigma1942
“NTA. If it’s not a big deal then she is perfectly capable of going back and taking whatever she forgets.”
“This is not a cute thing, it seems like she is on a power trip actually and her sister is of course backing her up.”
“When you are not around, who becomes her fetch boy then?” ~ Responsible_Hope_831
OP returned with more info…
“To answer common questions.”
“She is not physically disabled in any way.”
“She does not have A[ttention]-d[eficit]/h[yperactivity] d[isorder].”
“She is almost never doing anything when she asks me to go.”
“We are both mid-20s.”
“Why do I not remind her to grab?”
“It isn’t my purse.”
“I am not responsible for it and I don’t think about it until I am asked to go get it.”
Well, OP, Reddit sounds like it has your back.
You’re not a servant.
You’re a partner.
You’re trying to make a point.
Give it time.
Good luck.