When two people love each other and decide to get married, most people like to be surrounded by the people they love the most.
Unfortunately, sometimes during the wedding planning process, it becomes clear who doesn’t actually love them that much, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Theroyalglow had always been welcoming of her fiancé’s childhood best friend and even tried to be friends with her, because she didn’t sense any red flags.
But when she found out that the childhood best friend actually thought that she was a better match for the groom than the bride, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t feel comfortable with her attending the wedding after all.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for wanting to disinvite my fiancé’s childhood girl best friend from attending our wedding for drunkenly confessing her love for him at my bachelorette party?”
The OP began friends with her fiancé’s friends and didn’t see any red flags.
“My fiancé, Elijah (28 Male), and I (23 Female) are due to get married at the end of next month at our destination wedding.”
“Last night was my bachelorette party, and I invited my closest family and friends to come along with a few of my fiancé’s family and his best childhood friend, Kami (27 Female).”
“For some backstory, my fiancé and I met when I was 19 years old. Both of our fathers are business partners and have been friends since I was in high school.”
“One night, his family invited mine over for a party being held at their home and that was the first time we met. I was attracted to him, but I knew he was older, so I didn’t believe I had a chance. As the night progressed, he was hanging outside in his backyard alone smoking, and my sister dared me to go talk to him. So I did… and a year later, we began a relationship.”
“My fiancé and Kami have been friends since they were kids and their families are very close. She’s always been extremely nice towards me and wanted to be ‘best friends’ from the first time we met. I found it a bit odd only because she barely knew me, but I didn’t think much of it because she had been dating my fiancé’s best friend, Antonio (28 Male).”
“We didn’t become best friends because I already have a close friend group and I don’t trust easily, but she’s always been cool and never crossed any boundaries.”
But as the OP and her fiancé became closer, drama started to develop.
“Last summer, my fiance proposed to me on a trip to Belize.”
“When the announcement was made, everyone sent their congratulatory praises to us but Kami.”
“She sent a text the next day (to my fiancé only, not our friend group chat) saying she was happy for him. She was a bit stand-offish to me since then, but again, I never paid attention really because I have my own friends and life.”
“About six months ago, Antonio and Kami broke up but never really stated the reason why, just that they want to go back to being friends and be happy with other people.”
Then the truth of what was going on came out.
“Fast forward to last night, my bachelorette was in a suite, at a popular hotel here in Miami (where I live). It was planned by my older sister and Elijah’s sister, Ava (26 Female).”
“The night was amazing and I truly had the time of my life.”
“We all were getting wasted and I’d decided to go to the bathroom, and when I got closer, I heard voices and whimpering like someone was crying.”
“It was then I heard Kami telling Ava, that this should be her and that she doesn’t understand why he would want to be with someone like me, when it was always supposed to be them two together. That she always loved him. I sobered the h**l up instantly.”
“I might have to do a part two, but guys, tell me, would I be the a**hole for disinviting her from my wedding, when it’s a month away?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to discuss what she heard with her fiancé.
“NTA but you have to talk to your fiancé… Tell him exactly what you heard.”
“Make sure to emphasize that you didn’t have any problem whatsoever with her or their friendship, but that now that you know that her feelings are not the same as a friend then you need him to have boundaries with her and you don’t feel comfortable with her being at the wedding when all this time she didn’t want to be a supportive friend but instead the bride.” – common-ad718
“If he decides to keep her around…. they are going to sleep together. No ifs, and, or buts about it. If he can’t push her away after that confession, oooooof, they want each other.”
“If it comes to that, just walk away. Don’t lose any more time on this.”
“NTA.” – sigharewedoneyet
“This is certainly an awkward and difficult situation. I think you should speak to your fiancé about it and go from there.”
“If she can’t be an actual friend and supportive of you both, then she should remove herself from the situation if she’s not over him or having issues of jealousy. Definitely not someone you’d want being a distraction at your wedding.” – aliencardboard
“NTA.”
“Tell your fiance what you heard and that you don’t feel comfortable with her attending. He should be the one to manage this situation. It would be inappropriate for her to attend if this is how she feels. It would taint the day to have her sulking, or worse, protesting. Hopefully, your fiancee immediately sees that and steps up to do the right thing.”
“And their friendship should definitely cool significantly. When one person is in love with the other, you can’t be friends. It may be sad, but it’s a fact. Distance is what they need, starting with the wedding.” – Cursd818
“You need to talk to your fiance. Their friendship needs to end. Once it’s out there like that there is no coming back from this. The two of you need to be on the same page or hold off the wedding.”
“Do not marry him if he won’t end his friendship with someone who confessed to his sister that she’s in love with him. She told her because she wants her to tell him and for him to choose her. That’s not okay. He needs to be the one to uninvited her. NTA.” – mocha_lattes_
“Sounds like…My Best Friend’s Wedding. If YOUR fiancé wanted to marry Kami… he WOULD have asked her! OP DEFINITELY tell your fiancé… tell him how you feel but maybe leave it up to him if he wants to disinvite her… that way she will know for sure that she’ll never stand a chance with him.”
“AND TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS & bridesmaids That way they can keep an eye on her at your wedding and reception. After you’re married you both will need to distance yourselves from her. CONGRATULATIONS!” – Internal_Emu_4879
“Take a breath and think for a moment, don’t unilaterally decide not to invite her or you’ll drive a wedge between you and your fiancé.”
“Talk to his sister first, confirm what you heard. See how she plays it off.”
“Talk to your fiancé, tell him what you overheard, and ask him to ask his sister to have confirmation.”
“Then go from there. As a whole, NTA.” – pastel-goth3722
As the comments continued to roll in, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“After I heard what was said, the old me started to revert back, and I almost caused a scene, but I knew with my siblings, cousins, and friends all being there, it would get out of control, and I still wanted to enjoy my night, but I did continue to listen.”
“Some of you were wondering what Ava had to say about all of this. After Ava was able to calm Kami down, she explained to her that this was not the time and place and that Elijah would never forgive her if she ruined my bachelorette party.”
“She also told her that she thinks that she should leave and get herself together.”
“I was about to walk in now, at the same time they were walking out. I acted as if I didn’t hear anything and asked if everything was okay.”
“Kami just wiped her face looking down, stating that she wasn’t feeling well and that she might have to cut the night short.”
“I honestly didn’t fight her on it and even walked her a** to the door because what the f**k?”
The OP confided in Ava about what she had heard.
“After she left, I pulled Ava to the side, telling her that I heard everything.”
“She apologized that I heard it and said that she would reach out to Elijah to handle it, but I said no.”
“Some of you also wanted to know why Kami said, it should’ve been her? Did her and my ex have something going on before? I knew they hadn’t, but I needed to be sure. So I asked if they had ever been together or dated?”
“In response, Ava said not that she was not aware of it, only that their moms would always joke around when they were teens, saying that they could finally be ‘related’ once Elijah and Kami got married. She said that never happened because Elijah was never into her (Kami is a gorgeous girl, but my fiancé does have a certain type, and it’s not her, respectfully)…”
“I wanted to ask more questions but I thought I’d wait until I spoke with my fiancé for further answers.”
“After that, I continued the party, and even spoke with Elijah quickly before bed. I posted on Reddit the next day after I had gotten home before I did anything drastic.”
Then the OP discussed everything with Elijah.
“My Fiancé came home later that evening, and once he settled in and relaxed, I told him everything that happened.”
“To say that he was irate is taking it lightly, he was absolutely furious.”
“I asked if there was ever anything between them that I was never told about. I asked if they had ever been intimate and if she had ever confused her love for him before.”
“He made it clear that there has never been anything but a friend’s relationship in his eyes. He said that they had never had sex before but did kiss once back in high school, playing bottle games with alcohol, but it was in a group, and everyone kissed multiple people, including Antonio.”
“He said that she has never confessed her ‘love’ for him and is confused because he’s the one who played a role in Antonio and her dating.”
“He wanted to call her right then and there, but I told him to calm down first because being upset would only make things worse. I want to say that my Fiancé isn’t mad that I heard it or is trying to hide anything.”
“He’s upset because he feels hurt, and betrayed that she would do this to him and at my party, when we were all there to support me. My Fiancé can get really protective of me at times, he doesn’t like to hear anything negative.”
Then the OP confided that she wasn’t comfortable with Kami appearing at the wedding.
“I did express to him that I feel uncomfortable with her going to our wedding now. I want people at our wedding who are genuinely happy and supportive of us.”
“Tonight, he texted her, saying that he needed to speak with her. She replied saying she would let him know when she got home. So we will see how tonight’s conversation goes.”
“He also invited Antonio over for dinner and will speak to him about what’s going on because things feel off.”
“A lot of you were also questioning her’s and Antonio relationship and if she used him to make Elijah jealous. So we will all be present when the conversation does happen, to see what she has to say for herself.”
Finally, the update everyone had been waiting for came in a third post.
“That night, we ended up inviting Antonio over and basically told him everything that happened up to that point.”
“He actually wasn’t shocked at all by the news and stated that one of the main reasons why they broke up was because he felt like Kami pulled away after hearing about the engagement.”
“He never said anything because he didn’t want to cause any issues between my fiancé and me.”
“Elijah said she did become distant from him, as well, but of course, we have our own lives we’ve been planning for, so it honestly wasn’t high on his priority list, which would’ve made him address it then. Well, of course, now we know why, so he wanted to address it to her now.”
Elijah did not hold back while confronting Kami about her comments at the party.
“About 30 minutes later, Kami texted Eli that she was home and would call once she was settled in.”
“When she did call, before she could even say hello, my fiancé started. He asked her why she thought it was okay to go to my bachelorette party and say that she loves him and that he should be with her instead of me? He asked her why would she ever think it’s okay to also bring it up to his sister and getting her involved?”
“She was taken aback and asked what he was talking about, which p**sed him off. He told her that I heard what she told Ava in the bathroom and that she was out of line to even suggest that they ever had anything more than a family friendship.”
“She said she couldn’t help how she felt and that being at my bachelorette party made it real for her and she just needed to get it off her chest and thought she could trust Ava.”
“He asked her why if she had feelings for him all this time, she would be with Antonio when he set them up. Kami said she thought that things wouldn’t get serious between them and thought eventually that he would come around. She said that she would give hints, but he would never reciprocate.”
“He told her that although they had a long friendship, this was something that he couldn’t look past and that she is no longer invited to the wedding. He told her that he would assist her in any returns or refunds that she would need for any money spent so far.”
“Kami was upset and said that she didn’t mean for me to hear what she said and that she was never going to make any problems for us.”
“He said it didn’t matter and that we were only inviting people to the wedding who love and support our relationship and that her actions showed that she didn’t.”
“Kami then started talking s**t about me, saying that I think that I’m all-that, and that I believe I’m better than her.”
“Elijah cut her off, saying that I don’t think that I’m all of that, but if she believes that I’m better than her, then she should evaluate her own insecurities and work on that. He then hung up.”
The OP, Elijah, and Antonio took some time to process what had happened.
“Antonio and I were so shocked all we could honestly do was laugh. She clearly has always felt this way about me but was faking it in my face.”
“I don’t even know why she would think those things about me as she’s older than me and more successful. I’m still beginning my career and not even where I want to be to even believe I’m better than anyone. I’m just living my life and going with the flow.”
“After the phone call, we all just discussed what happened, ate, and then Antonio left.”
“He really didn’t have any feelings towards the issue because he’s now seeing someone else and has moved on from the situation, stating that she needs help.”
Everything came out at Thanksgiving.
“The next day was the day before Thanksgiving and since my family was hosting Thanksgiving dinner, Eli’s parents had a small gathering at their home for their immediate family and friends.”
“My fiancé and I were invited, including his sister, her husband, Kami, and her family. I really didn’t know what to expect when getting ready to go there because I knew it would be awkward seeing Kami in person after the argument the night before.”
“My fiancé didn’t say anything but I could tell he was still upset about everything.”
“When we got to the party, everyone was already pretty much there except a few people. Before we even sat down or spoke to everyone, Elijah told his family that he had something to say. Kami was sitting off to the side with her parents and brother, not wanting to engage.”
“He began saying that since it’s close to the wedding, he might as well announce to everyone that if they do not love and support us getting married, that they would be permanently disinvited from the wedding. His mom asked where this was coming from, and everyone nervously looked around.”
“He told her that apparently there were people in this house that had an issue with him being engaged and that those people won’t be allowed to attend.”
“I’m guessing Kami had already told her parents what happened because then her mom started to speak. She said that she thought it was tasteless to disinvite her daughter to the wedding after how long they had been close.”
“Elijah responded by saying that he thought it was tasteless for her daughter to go to his fiancée’s bachelorette party and that it should’ve been hers.”
“At this point, everyone was shocked, including me, because I had no idea he was going to address it to his family.”
“They started to argue back and forth, with Kami’s dad getting involved. Elijah was having none of it and said that none of them would be invited except for Kami’s brother, who didn’t agree with what his sister had done. Kami’s family ended up leaving shortly after the confrontation.”
“Elijah’s mom was shocked and hurt about everything that happened but supported us. She said she would speak with her friend and that she felt it was all inappropriate.”
“I apologized to her and Elijah’s dad, saying that I hated that this happened and that it was causing a rift. She and Ava told me I have nothing to be sorry about and that they all were on our side.”
Kami did not let the issue go.
“Kami ended up sending both Eli and Ava very long nasty messages about how they weren’t loyal to her and that I was purposely causing a divide between the two because I wanted to kick her out of the family and sabotage their relationship.”
“This woman is delusional so my fiancé just blocked her.”
“She then texted me, saying that Elijah’s relationship with me wouldn’t last very long if I became jealous of every woman important in his life. I blocked her, as well.”
“I may be a lot of things, but jealous isn’t one of them. I’m happy and very secure in my relationship. Honestly, seeing how far he’s willing to go to make sure that my day is perfect (his words, not mine), just solidified to me more than ever that I’m marrying the right person.”
Some were relieved for the OP that she was marrying such a great guy.
“Let me tell you something, OP: you have a darn good man right there! He didn’t play around! He didn’t waffle! He didn’t vacillate! He didn’t argue! He laid down the law and made his desires clear!”
“A man like that is worth his weight in gold because when women like Kami show their true feelings eventually any waffling around will keep their nonsense going! You can’t stop it. If you had tried, Kami would have been able to paint you as a jealous woman and twist things to make you look insecure.”
“Ending that craziness can ONLY come from the man and I love to see when a man stands up for the woman he loves! Kami always wanted your man but couldn’t close that deal. She was friend-zoned and didn’t know how to get herself out of that zone, so she tried to stay close to him.”
“Then, when you and him argue or fight, she could be the go-to friend and, if you complained, you would just be the crazy girlfriend/fiancé/wife, but she would still be close. Keeping women like her close is dangerous for relationships because they are completely opportunists and they will wait for any unguarded moment and then they pounce! They are like animals stalking their prey.”
“I’m glad your man was having NONE of that. You didn’t have to push him, cajole him, argue with him or bend over backwards for him to address the problem. He saw the issue, and he acted! Way to go husband-to-be! Give him a big hug from Redditors for not being a problematic man and for handling his business like the responsible man he is! I love that for you!” – PunIntended1234
“What a king for shutting it down immediately with no hesitation. He didn’t try to ‘keep the peace’ or minimize it. He saw the threat to his relationship and went scorched earth. No playing both sides, no ‘she’s just a friend,’ just straight up, ‘nope, you disrespected my fiancée, you’re out.'”
“That’s exactly how you handle boundary-crossing ‘friends’ who’ve been waiting in the wings hoping your relationship fails. Props to him for protecting his marriage before it even starts.” – Ok_Hall6898
“This is how every man should handle s**t like this. He didn’t care about ‘being the bad guy’ or ‘not wanting to hurt feelings and embarrass people’ so much of the time it feels like they’re being way too nice to the weirdo, probably to keep their options open I fucking hate it.”
“OP’s man was very clear about where they stand and how he was not tolerating any haters or secret haters being around them. He put his fiancee first and only cared about her happiness! Love to see it!” – DesperateLobster69
“It sounds like you’ve got yourself a solid partner who knows how to set boundaries and keep his word, which is exactly what you deserve! No wonder she’s salty; she can’t insert herself where she doesn’t belong. Wishing you both all the happiness in your relationship!” – Sufficient-Fold-9216
While the OP had recently gone through a whirlwind, discovering all of this about her future husband’s childhood best friend, it was clear to her and the rest of the subReddit that her partner had her back. As long as they stood united, they’d be able to get through anything together.