Back before 9/11, flying in the United States was pretty much a free for all. What was and wasn't allowed in the plane's cabin was largely dependent on individual airports and airlines.
Want to have a hunting rifle as your carry-on? Sure, why not?
Now they are debates with TSA about whether peanut butter is a liquid, a paste, or a solid.
A traveler whose friend lost the let's see what we can get past security lottery turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit—an alternative to AITA that allows users to post more than interpersonal conflicts—for feedback.
Odd-Recording-3026 asked:
"Friend was not allowed to board the flight, the rest of us still went on the vacation, now she wants us to pay her back. AITAH if I don't pay her?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Me and three friends planned a vacation to Hawaii. We booked the flight, hotel, and car together for a discount and then split the costs 4 ways, so we each paid roughly $800—we also booked a couple things to do there totaling around $250."
"The day of the flight, we all arrive at the airport and start going through TSA. One of my friends, I call her Sarah, got stopped because she had a weed pen in her bag."
"She says she just forgot it was in there and didn't intentionally bring it, but it doesn't really matter either way. TSA ended up calling airport PD and Sarah was not allowed to board the flight."
"Weed is not legal in our state. She wasn't arrested, but she was given a ticket and court date and not allowed through security."
"Obviously, the rest of us still got on the plane because we're looking forward to our vacation. Now we're back and Sarah is mad at all of us for going and wants us to pay her back for her portion of things since she couldn't go."
"But I don't think we should have to! Its not our fault she wasn't allowed to fly and I didn't budget for paying her portion as well."
"I don't travel often, so I don't know how it works, but I assume she would have had to pay for another flight and wouldn't have wanted to/couldn't afford to do that."
"She was also pretty pissed off at that point, we all received some more angry texts when our plane landed, so that could've contributed to her not even trying to board a later flight."
"I will say, I don't think she's actually mad at us. I think she's mad at herself and taking it out on us."
"Which is not great, but it is out of character for her. I think the whole thing is just really frustrating for her so we're giving her grace there."
"She's also mad because the airport is 1 hour from our home city and we didn't give her the keys to the car, so she had to pay for an Uber home. We didn't say she couldn't have the keys, its just that no one thought to give her the keys to Matt's car when it was all going down."
"We didn't know what all was going to happen and we were already through security and went to sit by our gate, so she was giving us updates over text."
"By the time airport PD arrived and told her she wasn't going on the flight, there wasn't enough time to run back and give her the keys—we were starting to board."
"TSA didn't really tell her anything, they just had her sit and wait until PD finally arrived to talk to her which was about 25 minutes."
"One of my friends says we should just pay her to keep the peace, but I don't think we should have to. Matt also thinks we shouldn't have to pay her."
"If we split her costs three ways, it would be about $350 each. I could technically afford it, but I'm working on paying off my credit card and that's about the same amount I put toward the credit card each month."
"I've been working on paying this off for two years and will be free of credit card debt by the end of the year! I haven't been on a vacation in years, so I saved up for it separately by picking up extra shifts and it was for Matt's birthday."
"So it would put me a month behind on my plan to pay off my last credit card. I was a little irresponsible in my early twenties."
"AITAH if I refuse to pay her back?"
"And even if I'm not the a**hole, should I just do it anyway to keep the peace?"
Some Redditors weighed in with the voting codes from the AITA subReddit:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided this was a Sarah problem, not an OP problem.
"I used to work for an airline and I fly often. Usually an airline will try to accommodate passengers who miss flights (it happens) by rebooking them on another, and they may or may not have to pay a rebooking fee or charge difference, depending on circumstances."
"If nothing else the airline will put the unused flight toward a future flight credit. Sarah may not have tried this, or it's possible the airline banned her if they heard she was trying to fly with contraband."
"You should ask her about it." ~ Fit-Landscape548
"I wonder if security made her leave the airport? Either way, I've missed flights and the airlines just booked me on a later flight without any extra $$$." ~ Krazzy4u
"She sounds kinda dumb. Probably just left without even trying to reschedule a flight." ~ saveyboy
"Once in the early 2000s, I saw a woman eating a sandwich on the side of the TSA line. I told her it smelled good and too bad there was no food on the flight."
"She sighed and handed me a baggie with a second sandwich. I stood next to her and ate it for her."
"It was tuna. She said she was mad because they would not let her on the plane with 'wet' food." ~ Pristine_Frame_2066
"Honestly, she's probably asking for the money back after getting hit with the misdemeanor and fine for possession. That expensive." ~ VioletReaver
"Sarah needs to learn actions have consequences! She's also rather entitled to expect everyone else to pay for her mistake! NTA." ~ Apart_Foundation1702
"So true! She wants everyone to pay for her stupidity/carelessness. Lesson to be learned for her. No one should pay for her." ~ Personal_Pound8567
"There is that point pre-flight where you unpack your purse and repack it to (1) only carry what you need on your trip; (2) make sure you don't have any contraband."
"I can't be the only one who does this, right? I mean, you have to collect your loose make up and lip gloss to be sure you don't violate the liquids restriction." ~ BitterDoGooder
"Seriously, people who have 'accidentally' packed so many things that you'd never want unsecured in the first place, tells me either they're highly irresponsible and don't have their guns, ammo, drugs secured EVER... or they 100% packed it on purpose and didn't expect anyone to notice." ~ Cannie_Flippington
"I accidentally went to the airport with a pocket knife once cuz it was like a hidden pocket within my purse that I forgot to check."
"Small, folded pocket knife. They confiscated it of course. Actually they did give me the option that I could return to my car and put it away and then I'd have to go all through security again."
"So I was like whatever you keep it. But I kept my spot in line and didn't get in any kinda trouble for it." ~ droppindollars
"Yeah, but pocket knives aren't illegal, they're just not allowed on the plane. Weed is actually iillegal federally and in the state the airport was in, so she can't just have it back or have them confiscate it and then fly like nothing happened." ~ Healthy_Brain5354
"It would be different if she got sick or was in an accident or had a family emergency and had to cancel. Then I'd see if I could help her get refunds/credits for the flight and the activities and split the accommodation cost with the other two friends."
"But she brought this on herself, all by herself. Oh, no! Not the consequences of her own actions..."
"I wouldn't give her a penny after she demanded it. She should have immediately started checking on getting the activities she signed up for canceled and getting a refund on her plane tickets." ~ LakotaGrl
"NTA. She could have left security, went to the airline desk and changed her flight to later and tried again. It might have cost her $100 or so to change her flight, but she wouldn't have missed out."
"She decided to fly with 'drugs' in true f*ck around and find out fashion. This isn't on you guys."
"She made choices and then also decided not to do everything possible to fix her situation. Again, also not on you." ~ catinnameonly
The OP provided an update.
"It would put me a month behind, so I would still pay my card off in December. While most people agree with me that we shouldn't have to pay her anything, I am now leaning towards just paying it."
"Her friendship is absolutely worth more than $350. And her reaction from all of this is out of character for her, I think her emotions are just heightened because the situation sucks."
"The only thing holding me back now is, it seems from everyone's comments that she absolutely could have gotten on a later flight. Why this didn't happen I don't know, going to ask her for the full story when I talk to her."
It's up to OP and their friends what they decide to do and whether Sarah's friendship is worth $350.
But it's also up to Sarah to decide if her friendships are worth less than demanding her friends cover her mistakes.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.