How many of us have had one of those friendships that we emotionally invested in, only to discover later that it wasn't a real friendship at all?
And why do we always find out at what should be a game-changing time, the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit questioned.
Redditor Galaxy_Orb found herself in this situation recently when one of her friends casually didn't invite her to an important event.
When friends were divided on what happened, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if she should have responded differently.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for pulling back from a friendship after not being invited to the wedding?"
The OP became friends with Stevie through her friend circle.
"So I (33 [Female]) have known Stevie (28 [Female]) for about 10 years after meeting via mutual friends, and while we were never 'besties' (ugh), we've always gotten on well as we have quite a lot in common and had the same larger friend group."
"I've often done favors for Stevie, driven her to places when her car broke down, helped out with dog sitting, never anything massively onerous but just the kind of things you do for friends."
But the OP wasn't invited to Stevie's wedding.
"Stevie met her husband about three years ago and got engaged mid-2019, and all of us were really happy for her."
"I knew she was getting married in January 2020, but as it got closer and I started to see people posting online about preparations, I realized that I wasn't invited."
"Not to the ceremony, not the dinner, not even the evening party that you shuffle second cousins off to if you don't want them at the dinner."
The OP finally asked about the wedding.
"I wondered whether it was an oversight, since literally all the rest of our friend group were going."
"I managed to corner one woman who was in the wedding party and asked her about it, and it turned out she'd asked Stevie herself what was going on, and Stevie's response was to shrug."
"As far as I know, I have never done anything to offend Stevie or her husband."
"I wouldn't have expected to be in the wedding party or anything, but I could not for the life of me work out why I wasn't even considered worthy to drink a few glasses of wine with everyone else at the evening party, and frankly, it was hurtful."
"But it's Stevie's choice, and it wasn't an oversight, so I just decided that obviously Stevie didn't consider me a friend after all, and I stopped all communication with her outside of group chats/events."
"She texted me a couple of times looking for help as usual, but I didn't see the need to respond."
Stevie eventually confronted the OP about it.
"It wasn't much of an issue due to nothing really being open/safe to do, but now that most of our usual group are vaccinated, we've started to meet up again."
"Last week Stevie had a couple of drinks and decided to ask me 'why I never speak to her since her wedding'."
"I was p**sed off, because frankly she should know why, and just said 'What wedding?' and walked off."
"Now apparently I'm the bad guy according to some of our friends (essentially, the women) because I was supposed to pretend everything was fine."
"The men in the group seem to be siding with me and/or think it's funny."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the OP's response to Stevie.
"If something is bothering you, JUST F**KING SAY IT. What do you benefit from passive-aggression? OP was literally asked, 'Why have you ignored me since the wedding,' and it's not hard to say, 'Because I wasn't invited and our friendship seems one-sided.' Be an adult. ESH." - Sheess9141
"I would have also added, 'I didn't realize you were trying to chat with me, it seemed you only reach out when you want something.'" - LimitlessMegan
"OP could even add 'What friendship?' To that without being mean. Obviously, there was none." - InSyzygi
Others advised the OP to reconsider her friend circle.
"I'd be looking for a whole new friend group. There's the passive-aggressive (or whatever the f**k that is) Stevie."
"Then there's a bunch of women who unquestioningly attended and thought nothing of their one friend being excluded."
"Then there are some guys who think socially ostracizing someone without any apparent cause is 'funny' and a few guys who do actually see a problem."
"Cut and run. This whole circle sucks on balance. Sounds like barely any of them care at all about OP." - IPetdogs4U
"This is why I feel like everyone knows the reason she was left out. I can't imagine being cool with ostracising a member of a friend group unless they'd done something awful and I certainly wouldn't keep it a secret why I'm so repulsed by it." - The_Blip
"Sounds to me like OP was a doormat. She did things for the bride when she was down on her luck, her friends didn't notice or care that she wasn't at the wedding, and then her friends told her she should have acted like nothing happened."
"OP sounds like the stable one in the friend group that all of her friends rely on to help when needed, but isn't actually important."
"That s**t is hurtful to realize and I hope OP can find some actual friends."
"OP is definitely NTA, but her friends are." - BellaMuerte89
Some affirmed the OP made the right choice in distancing herself from Stevie.
"Stevie is a user. Plain and simple. Users don't like it when others become aware that they're users and will do everything in their power to flip the script and make themselves the victim."
"It's very unlikely that OP is the only 'useful' person who was snubbed." - -janelleybeans-
"NTA"
"The thing is the bride is trying to provoke her and make her look crazy. The second she mentions that she is angry because she wasn't invited to the wedding, the bride will make this all about her and try to play the friend up to look crazy and entitled for being angry she was not invited, even though she knows exactly what she did and that it was hurtful."
"I am all for confronting someone when something bothers you, but in this instance, I think ignoring her and not playing into it will make the bride even angrier." - elvtd1
Even if the OP could have said something else during her exchange with Stevie, the subReddit unanimously affirmed the OP of her reaction and her feelings.
It's pretty common knowledge that if you're going to invite most people from a friend circle, you should invite all of them to avoid future hurt feelings and have the best possible time at the wedding.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.