Redditor Icy-Cantaloupe-4063 and his husband’s relationship is widely accepted by family, with one exception.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) niece has historically been homophobic and ignorant when it comes to her uncles.
A recent disaster has the OP’s niece looking for support from her uncles, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
He asked:
“AITA for letting my brother and family stay with me after a flooding but not my niece?”
He went on to explain.
“I [37-year-old Male] have been married to my husband [41-year-old Male] for 4 years.”
“I came out my family as bi when I was 16, and from the very beginning, they were nothing but supportive, and to this day, almost my entire family accepts me as who I am.”
“My niece [20-year-old Female) is the only exception.”
“She is my brother‘s [43-year-old Male] daughter, and despite her parents showing no prejudices against the LGBTQ+ community, she doesn’t make a secret of her homophobia.”
“I don‘t know where her beliefs stem from, but the day I first introduced my husband/ then boyfriend to her family, she has been very hostile towards us (she was 14 at the time).”
“She refuses to speak to my husband, barely acknowledges us at family gatherings, and despite her father constantly chastising her, frequently uses the f-slur to refer to members of the LGBTQ+ community and calls same-sex relationships disgusting.”
“Due to severe flooding, my brother and his family have been forced to evacuate their house.”
“My husband and I have a guest room and a sofa bed in our living room, so when my brother asked we whether his family could stay at our place for a while…”
“…I told him that him, his wife, and their younger children [15-year-old Female, 12-year-old Male] were very welcome to stay as long as they needed to…”
“…but that we weren’t comfortable letting his oldest daughter stay with us.”
“He seemed to have been expecting that answer and told me that he understood my reasons.”
“When he broke the news to his daughter, she was furious, asking where else she was going to stay and that she had nowhere else to go.”
“From what I know, my brother offered to help her pay for a cheap hotel, but she doesn’t want to dip into her savings because she doesn’t work and she‘s been living with my brother rent-free.”
“Apparently, she‘s been staying with a friend for a few days now, and she‘s been telling her mother how awful it is there.”
“My brother is still supporting my decision, but his wife has started trying to convince me to let her eldest daughter move in.”
“She‘s been pushing me to get over her comments because my niece is still ‘young and naïve’ and that she couldn’t have known her actions would have major consequences.”
“She‘s advising me to be the bigger person and not let my ‘hard feelings’ for her daughter stop me from helping a family member, because that would be an ‘AH thing to do’.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA, she’s living with the consequences of her horribleness by having to stay somewhere she doesn’t like because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut about her disgusting views on same-sex relationships.”
“If I were you, I’d say that you’re happy to let her stay as soon as she genuinely and honestly proves she no longer feels that way towards you and your husband.”
“I would never let someone who disrespected me and my husband stay with us, family or not, unless they were literally about to be on the streets (which she isn’t).”
“And even then, it would be the very, very last option.” – hazeandgraze
“NTA”
“Oh, what her mother meant was, ‘She didn’t realize she would someday need the person she was dehumanizing.’”
“Tough sh*t, this is the ‘find out’ stage. Don’t deny her this important life lesson.” – Mindless-Locksmith76
“NTA”
“Classic example of ‘f*ck around and find out’”
“Regarding your brother’s family…I read a nice saying this week on Reddit:”
“‘When 10 people and one Nazi are sitting together at a table, 11 Nazis are sitting together’”
“I would show your brother’s wife the door to her daughter’s hotel.” – toffifeeandcoffee
“NTA”
“Your SIL is upset because you could only take in 4 people in an emergency. Even if you didn’t have a reason, if you had just said you couldn’t take in 5 people only 4 it would have been a NTA.”
“But the 20-year-old does not get to be a bigot for six years and then expect to get help from you.” – glom4ever
“NTA”
“She has been staying with a friend. No one needs to offer up free living just because a family member doesn’t want to stay with said friend.”
“Also, if it’s “awful” there, she won’t be happy staying with you either. She already rejected a paid-for hotel. On top of that, she’s already judgmental AF.”
“You can expect that she’ll make snide remarks as she has in the past about your lifestyle choices, then double down on how your place sucks because it’s not her room. Who wants to deal with that?”
“It’s your house and you only have so much space and free food to give. Let her be mad, she already acts like an entitled snob.” – offensivelypc
“because my niece is still “young and naïve” and that she couldn’t have known her actions would have major consequences.”
“NTA. It’s been years and she hasn’t changed her mind. She’s old enough to k ow about consequences” – Slight-Bar-534
“NTA”
“Maybe your SIL can go join her daughter at a hotel somewhere…” – Elegant_Panic7858
“‘She‘s advising me to be the bigger person and not let my ‘hard feelings’ for her daughter stop my from helping a family member, because that would be an ‘AH thing to do’.”
“This paragraph irks me beyond belief.”
“It’s not you who has ‘hard feelings’, it’s your niece. Feelings of homophobia, bad manners and entitlement. Therefore, she should be the one dealing with those feelings of hers.”
“Your SIL wants you to accept being bullied in your own home, simply because she never bothered to address her daughter’s intolerance or behavior.”
“And having to put up with it for weeks or even months until they can move back?”
“I would reverse this onto her and tell SIL ‘You should be the bigger person, and instead of forcing me to have a bigot in my house…’”
“‘…go to a hotel with your daughter so she won’t be alone in her homophobia.’”
“‘Your poor parenting should not stop you from helping a family member, me, by not forcing me to live with her opinions and yours.’”
“NTA, but SIL is the big one.” – OrcaMum23
“NTA. You have a right to be treated with respect in your own home. Tell your brother that you will need to ask his wife to leave if she cannot respect your decision.”
“It is obvious they did nothing to address the situation in the last six years, and I question why. Could it be his wife feels the same but knows not to voice it?” – Ok-Cauliflower-1388
“It appears your brother & SIL are very tolerant of their daughter being a bigot. She didn’t raise herself & seems like her behavior is being enabled.”
“It’s your home, you can exclude anyone you want. Honestly, I’m confused why they would even think to ask you.”
“NTA” – Alarming_Reply_6286
“NTA”
“Given how she behaved in the past, I doubt your niece can be civil to you in your home. And certainly you and your husband don’t have to put up with disrespect in your own home.”
“Guests are guests, and they certainly can’t make claims, They can only thank you for the hospitality.” – 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
“This a classic case of Actions met consequences.”
“Your SIL is correct that her daughter couldn’t have known that she would need you one day, but that’s not really the point is it.”
“Her daughter is homophobic, and you are absolutely allowed to set boundaries about who is allowed in your house!” – meeeee01
“NTA. There’s enough bigotry in the world without inviting it into your home. Your niece is simply being inconvenienced by her beliefs, there’s no need for you to suffer for them.” – cinekat
“NTA”
“‘My niece [20-year-old Female] is the only exception.”
“She is my brother‘s [43-year-old Male] daughter and despite her parents showing no prejudices against the LGBTQ+ community, she doesn’t make a secret of her homophobia.”
“You do not have to take someone into your home who has such a problem with your orientation.”
“‘She‘s been pushing me to get over her comments because my niece is still ‘young and naïve’ and that she couldn’t have known her actions would have major consequences.’”
“F*ck that. She is 20. Do not budge.” – Amar_Akbar_Anthony20
“SIL is an AH. She is not concerned about consequences to the real victims, OP and his partner, but to her brat, bigot daughter who has to pay for her own lodging at age 20.”
“Those are not consequences. There are 20-year-olds who live on their own and pay their own bills. Here the brat’s mother is willing to subsidize her living costs.” – rshni67
What goes around comes around.