There are few things more frustrating than needing to change your plans.
Even so, sometimes things occur that are truly beyond our control, meaning we might have to skip or pass on something we might have been looking forward to for months.
Things become even more complicated when plans involve multiple people, but one person experiences a change in circumstances.
In these instances, does everyone need to cancel or change plans solely because of one person?
Redditor munchy_banana1 was looking forward to a weekend getaway with a group of people he had in his calendar for months.
Unfortunately, one member of the group had to suddenly back out.
While the original poster (OP) was disappointed in this change, he still planned on partaking in this trip.
However, the individual who backed out had a different set of expectations.
Wondering if they were doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting to cancel weekend plans to my cottage because my girlfriend can't make it?"
The OP explained how he found himself in an awkward, "all or nothing" situation with his girlfriend:
"We (my gf, 24 F[emale], and I, 26 M[ale]) made plans about 2 months ago to invite 7 of our friends to my family cottage for the weekend."
"It is a shared cottage with a lot of family going back 4 generations, so really hard to book a weekend on our little Google calendar unless it's at least 2 months in advance."
"I worked an extra shift this week to be able to take Saturday off as I normally work Saturdays."
"We are currently on Thursday evening, and my girlfriend just let me know that she can't make it this weekend because she has to work both Saturday evening and Sunday morning."
"I didn't think anything of it, thinking she would just not be coming."
"She immediately got mad as she was expecting me to cancel this weekend just because she can't make it."
"Her justification is that she does a lot for me (which she does) and that I should do this for her."
"I would drop anything to help her or be with her if she needed me, but she's just working."
"I find it selfish, and I don't understand why she doesn't want me to go."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for proceeding with his plans without his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that it was unreasonable and, indeed, selfish for the OP's girlfriend to expect him and the whole group to cancel plans simply because she could no longer make it herself:
"Canceling your plans is not a huge deal, but she's trying to cancel the plans of 7 other people."
"NTA."- binger5
"NTA."
"So you're supposed to do what, sit at home and do nothing while she's working?"
"It's unfortunate she can't go, but there's no reason for you to cancel for yourself and seven other people who have all made these plans."- Jerseygirl2468
"NTA."
"You don't cancel weekend plans for seven people because your girlfriend can't make it."
"That's not fair to anyone."- Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
"NTA."
"Your girlfriend should've put in a time off request two months ago or asked someone to take her shifts weeks ago."
"Now if she did and it got rejected or somebody backed out, that sucks, but the idea that you shouldn't be able to enjoy your time off because she can't get the time off is ridiculous."
"Her justification that she does a lot for you doesn't make sense because she isn't actually asking you for support."
"She's not asking you to cancel because she's having surgery or wants you to help her move."
"It's just 'I can't go so you shouldn't go' which is absurd."
"Also, you invited seven friends."
"So she's expecting eight people to have their weekend plans cancelled on short notice because she had to work?"
"That's a wild level of selfishness and a really nasty attitude."- GhostParty21
"NTA."
"You are hosting your friends."
"It was made in plenty of time."
"As you said, getting the time at the cottage is hard, so you may not get another chance to go for a while."- Forsaken_Pick3201
"NTA."
"You invited 7 friends who rearranged their schedules to go."
"Not going because she can't go would be inconsiderate to say the least."- Edcrfvh
"NTA."
"You worked extra and planned the weekend."
"She obviously dropped the ball or this is a toxic relationship test to see if you'll cave for her."
"She's working all weekend, why would you cancel on your friends and ruin everyone's weekend to just sit at home alone?"- wayward_painter
"NTA."
"You have 7 friends who also made arrangements to go to the cottage."
"Doesn't seem right to cancel the entire event just because your GF can't attend."
"Tell her to grow up."- Romy39
"NTA."
"That's just beyond weird and very juvenile and immature of your girlfriend."
"You booked the time off work; she should have."
"Her lack of poor planning doesn't mean you have to ruin your fun."
"You also invited 7 others, and it's very disrespectful. She thinks it's ok to ruin their plans too."
"And your entire family, too, who could have used the cottage that weekend if you had cancelled at the last minute and left it empty."
"She's very selfish."- Own-Year1678
"She's acting like a 15-year-old girl, not a 24-year-old woman."
"Guilt-trip you because she does so much for you, so you should not have fun with seven friends?"
"She's delusional!"
"NTA."- Only-upvibes
"Sooo why didn't she make sure she didn't have to work?"
"Or does she have a boss from hell or something?"
"You're NTA regardless, just wondering how bad the main character syndrome is on the gf."- Like_the_rainbow
"Your girlfriend wants eight people, including her boyfriend, to stay home all weekend, foregoing a long-planned trip, because she suddenly has to work?"
"How is this doing anything for her?"
"Does it make her happy to cause disappointment to others?"
"No wonder you are puzzled."
"Maybe you will get to the bottom of it after you and your friends have enjoyed your weekend."
"If your girlfriend follows up by demanding attention constantly with calls and texts so you can't in fact enjoy your weekend, I think your relationship is in trouble."
"Random selfishness is not a good look."
"NTA."- MightyMouse134
"NTA."
"She would have known about this weekend for ages."
"Your other friends have had this booked in for 2 months so if she couldn't take the time off she should have said."
"Even if she completely forgot about it and forgot to put the time in she needs to put her hands up and say 'sorry I f*cked up'."
"Go to your cottage."
"It's not selfish."
"She's being selfish, expecting you to cancel your and other people's plans 24 hours beforehand."
"How far away is it?"
"Could she drive as well if you went up Friday, hang out till lunchtime Saturday, and then head to work?"- Justan0therthrow4way
"NTA."
"She can get over it."- Trepenwitz
"NTA."
"She's selfish to the extreme."
"What's next?"
"If she has to work, then you now have to stay home & do nothing?"
"No more friends unless she can be there, too?"
"The way I see it is if it was just you too, fine."
"Honestly, for me, I'd probably not have an amazing time."
"But that's not the case."
"This is multiple other ppl."
"You would not expect her to stay home, nor would the majority of the world."
"She needs to get over herself … and request time off sooner next time."- Low_Attention_974
"So she wants eight people to cancel their plans because she has to work?"
"NTA and that's a serious level of entitlement."- MyDirtyAlt79
"Go have a good time, and when you get back, start looking for a gf who is not selfish."
"NTA."- pops1172
"NTA."
"Work obligations happen, but that doesn't mean your partner has to put your life on hold too."
"She can't expect you to cancel something that took months to plan."
"That's unreasonable, for me."- PerkfectCup
"NTA."
"Too many people involved, it wouldn't be fair to cancel."- Careless-Ability-748
"NTA."
"One thing you should think about: this isn't about her."
"You invited seven other people who took time off to be with you."
"It's too bad your GF wasn't able to get the time off, but that's her problem."
"You have seven people counting on you for making this weekend happening."
"She should stop acting like a toddler and grow up."- UnhappyCryptographer
It would be one thing if the OP planned on going solo for what was supposed to be a romantic weekend getaway, with just him and his girlfriend.
However, as this was a weekend involving several people planned many months in advance, it seems a bit much that the OP's girlfriend expected him to cancel as well.
Particularly if she was always going to be working, and he'd only be sitting around doing nothing.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.