I worked in a donut shop in college. I’m old enough that the Seattle one wasn’t a thing yet.
The one I worked at still had “Donut” in the alliterative name and bright pink and brown uniforms. It was the 1980s and I think the uniforms were holdovers from the 70s.
Anyway, all of this is to say that I have experience serving coffee and that stuff will give you at least first-degree burns—pain and redness—and more often second-degree burns—blisters—if it gets spilled on you straight from the pot.
If it’s spilled on your clothing, the heat will stay on your skin for even longer and continue to scald you. Burns are from dry heat, while scalds are from liquids or steam.
A woman who also got to experience a coffee scalding turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her boyfriend objected to her immediate, automatic reaction.
Technical-Steak6535 asked:
“AITA for taking my clothes off at the Cheesecake Factory?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So me [23, female] and my boyfriend [24, male] were celebrating our 1st anniversary and went out to dinner to celebrate. My boyfriend planned it as he knows how much I love the Cheesecake Factory.”
“I REALLY love their cheesecake—this becomes important later.”
“Well, everything was going fine, and we were having a good time until an elderly man at the next table scooted his chair out just as our server was approaching, causing him to stumble and spill hot coffee on me down my back.”
“It was obviously burning and startled me, so I instinctively screamed and pulled my shirt up. I’m pretty small-chested, so I don’t typically wear a bra, and obviously, I wasn’t thinking about that when something hot was running down my back and burning me.”
“So I basically flashed all those people at the tables around us. Yes, I was embarrassed, but at the same time it’s just boobs.”
“I pulled my shirt back down right after realizing what happened, but it was up for about 15 seconds. The server apologized over and over, but it wasn’t their fault—it was all just an accident.”
“Well, anyway, after this my boyfriend wanted to leave, like immediately leave. He said that I was being overdramatic for the way I reacted in the situation.”
“Maybe I was, but it did startle me really bad, and it did burn. He told me I had put on a show for everyone in the restaurant, especially since I screamed when it happened and that we needed to leave.”
“I told him it’s not that big a deal and that I really want to stay to get cheesecake because it’s my favorite. I eventually even offered to try to get some to go, and he was dead set that we needed to leave and didn’t understand why I wasn’t mortified.”
“We ended up staying, but for the rest of the date, he kept saying that the men at tables near us were staring at me and probably thinking about me inappropriately. But I said it wasn’t my problem if they’re being gross.”
“When we got in the car, he told me i ruined our anniversary for making him sit through that and we should have just left and that he can’t believe I would choose a piece of cheesecake over his comfort.”
“We argued about it in the car the whole way home. Now we haven’t spoken at all today.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I lifted my shirt in the restaurant because coffee spilled on me; in doing so, I flashed people around us.”
“It made my boyfriend uncomfortable, and he wanted to leave, and he said it ruined our anniversary because I made us stay.”
“I could be the a**hole for making us stay when he wanted to leave, or I could be the a**hole because maybe I was overdramatic in my reaction by lifting my shirt in the first place.”
The OP later added:
“My back was really red and had some minor burns—half of the cup went down my back, and half hit my chair/the floor.”
“My boyfriend had a zip-up with him, so I went to the bathroom to clean up, looked at my back, and just put his jacket on.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not the a**hole (NTA).
“I’m sorry, but I would dump anyone who put their ’embarrassment’ over my well-being after having scalding hot coffee dumped on me!”
“NTA, and please consider dating a grown-up.” ~ Ok_Conversation9750
“NTA. ‘Yeah you had your back nearly scalded and your night ruined too, but did you think about ME? For a minute, I had to think about other men thinking about you!’.”
“OP should choose the cheesecake again. It’s a better partner than this selfish loser.” ~ LoverOfStripes87
“Had something similar happen when I was a freshman in college. My boyfriend at the time was waiting for DnD to start up on Discord while I was pan-frying some chicken for dinner.”
“I accidentally splash a decent amount of oil onto my arm and it blisters immediately. So I turn off the burner and go out to the living room to get him to drive me to the ER—paid for by college insurance.”
“He says ‘NO, we are NOT ruining this DnD session for something that happens more often than’ I’d like and should be ‘used to’ by now, being a line cook.”
“Unfortunately, at that time, I was a chronic doormat and accepted this. I treated as much as I could, and got him to drive me to the campus clinic the next morning.”
“He dropped me off without saying anything and f*cked off to his place a state away. Somehow, this wasn’t what ended it because of the young idiot doormat.”
“NTA and dump him!” ~ wombogobbo
“When I was 21, I dated a guy I really, really cared for. There were signs and red flags throughout, but I chose to ignore them because I loved him.”
“The summer after we began dating, temps in our area rose to 110° F. We were walking, and it was hot as hell.”
“I was wearing a tank top with a tshirt over it (a la early 2000s). I slipped off my t-shirt because I was just sweating through both layers.”
“He snatched it from me, called me a sl*t for trying to put a show on for drivers, and shoved/punched the shirt into my chest. I analyzed that moment over and over because I thought I’d done something wrong.”
“I hadn’t. It was hot. He was an insecure a**hole.”
“You had coffee poured down your bank, and your boyfriend’s reaction was to shame you. NTA. And please lose this loser.” ~ Practical-Agenct-456
“NTA. ‘He told me… he can’t believe I would choose a piece of cheesecake over his comfort’.”
“I mean, he’d rather you get burned by scalding hot coffee than accidentally flash your boobs for a moment. He put his ‘oh no, boobs!’ freakout over your well-being. So, there’s that.” ~ IndigoRose2022
“NTA and I would rethink the boyfriend if he cares more about people potentially getting a glimpse of your chest than about the fact that your back was just burned.”
Honestly, he should have tried to get you another shirt to wear. If the restaurant didn’t have any of their merch at the store—there are Cheesecake Factory shirts—maybe one of you had a sweater in the car.”
“Or he might have checked to see if there was a store open nearby to go buy one. He could have been the hero and saved the day!” ~ ParsimoniousSalad
“Seriously! Probably at least half the servers and cooks had a spare shirt stashed away somewhere in case of spilling sh*t on themselves, because it does happen.”
“One time in college chem lab I spilled some medium concentrated hydrochloric acid on myself and had to drop trou right there in front of God and everybody.”
“Nobody had spare pants, so I gave my lab partner my wallet and asked her to run to the campus bookstore and buy the cheapest sweatpants she could find, plus a snack or something for herself in exchange. She thought it was a fair deal.” ~ sailor_moon_knight
“My husband would have ripped his shirt off and given it to me faster than I would know. NTA.” ~ MadamTruffle
“NTA. Whipping off the affected clothes is honestly what you’re supposed to do when you get hot liquid on you.”
“You wanna get that sh*t away from your skin ASAP; a few seconds can absolutely make the difference between a first and second or second and third-degree burn.”
“Nobody tried to call the cops on you for indecent exposure, so clearly everybody else understood that taking your shirt off wasn’t inappropriate in context.”
“And frankly after getting hot coffee spilled on you, you DESERVED some dang cheesecake! You earned that cheesecake!” ~ sailor_moon_knight
“My dad had an accident when I was in high school and had 2nd degree burns on his chest, and his doctor told him he was lucky his coworkers cut his shirt away so quickly because it could have been 3rd degree easily.”
“It’s completely appropriate to react in this way, and I totally agree; cheesecake was well deserved after that.” ~ NeedleworkerNo777
No one was shocked or mortified by the OP’s reaction to being scalded, but her boyfriend’s response left many people angry or annoyed.
The OP didn’t provide an update.