Let’s get one thing clear: unless it’s a terrible emergency where we need information, it’s never okay to snoop through someone else’s phone.
It’s also not okay to collect someone else’s contact information and ruin one of their key relationships, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Fit-Specific-1204 had been dating a woman for about six months and thought things were going well, until she did something terrible while he was sleeping.
Not only did she take his phone and snoop through it, but when the Original Poster (OP) discovered that she’d also taken his mom’s phone number and texted her to tell her that the OP didn’t like her, he wasn’t sure this relationship could last.
He asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for confronting my girlfriend about going through my phone while I was asleep and messaging my mother?”
The OP had a wonderful day with his girlfriend.
“I spent the day with my girlfriend of six months. We went out and about and had a good time, and when we got back, I sat down with her and bought Christmas presents for her and her family, as I’d been invited to spend Christmas with her family.”
“So we had a really good day, and we’re in a good space at this point, and I was tired and decided to take a nap.”
But then the OP’s girlfriend did something unthinkable.
“During my nap, she had gone onto my phone (I have nothing to hide, so I wasn’t worried about snooping, but still), taken my mother’s number, and saved my mother as a contact on her phone.”
“Then she messaged her the following: ‘Hi, you don’t know me, but I’m the OP’s girlfriend. He hates you, but I wanted to say hi. Do yourself a favor and don’t tell him I messaged you; he doesn’t want you or anyone to find out about us, and he wouldn’t appreciate you asking questions.'”
The OP did not know what to think of his girlfriend’s actions.
“I confronted her when I woke up to messages from my mother, and all I got were tears, apologies because she didn’t mean to hurt me, and the closest thing to a reason as to why was, ‘I wanted to be friends with her,’ but the message totally contradicts that.”
“I’m honestly stumped at this.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some thought the OP’s girlfriend was exhibiting behaviors no one should choose to date.
“She piles lies on top of lies when she’s caught red-handed. It means you’ll never be able to resolve any conflict with her. Your relationship is over, run away fast!” – TheToi
“She’s shown a distinct lack of respect, common courtesy, and emotional manipulation. Dump.” – TheLastflyingBison12
“NOR. She has no respect for you or your mother or your family. Run away now while you still can.” – McDWarner
“I bet his mother was crushed by the statement that her son hates her. That s**t is just vile and evil.”
“Whether or not you have a relationship with your mom, she should never step in like that. I mean, what in the h**l is she trying to accomplish? To cut him off from his family, maybe, or she’s jealous of the relationship he has with his mother. There is no sane reason to do this.” – Shadow4summer
“NOR…UNDERreacting. She’s profoundly vicious. She’s irredeemably mean. And she’s a gross liar. If you don’t run far and fast, everything that follows is your fault. (Also, everyone should block her immediately.)” – Manatee269
“Do yourself a favor and leave her. She way overstepped, and this is weird behavior.” – Longjumping-Honey-76
“She’s trying to alienate you from your family and tried to keep it a secret. She would rather your mother think you told her that and you to lose your relationship with her than to share you with your own family.”
“Even if you told her that it’s not her place to voice it. Why is this person in your life? Honestly, I doubt you’ll dump her, but I promise you this will end, and it will end very, very badly.” – Dmau27
“NOR. But you are underreacting. Is your mother the only person she messaged? Make sure you check.”
“This woman is not someone to build a future with. This is unhinged behaviour, and it won’t get better.”
“Leave. And take care. Warn work and friends that she may contact them, trying to cause trouble. I doubt very much that your mother’s number was the only one she put in her phone.” – purpleroller
“NOR. This is just the beginning!! It’s only been six months, and this is her? This is what she’s already comfortable showing you?”
“Do you honestly wanna find out more as you invest more time?”
“Oh my, don’t do it. Get out of this before you’re in too deep.” – lucydlu
“Too many humans overlook this behavior to try and make things work in toxic relationships, and end up being miserable down the line far too often. Leaving her is the best course of action. You cannot possibly think this relationship is capable of being salvaged.”
“This advice saves a lot of people a lot of stress and heartache in a lot of situations. Are there times when the internet consensus is wrong when this advice is given? Sure. It happens. But this situation ain’t it.”
“What could possibly nip this in the bud when she’s this crazy at only six months in?” – Token_Handicap
Others found this to be much bigger than a few girlfriend red flags.
“This is not a red flag. This is a red fireworks explosion. You owe her and her family nothing. RUN.” – Syenadi
“NOR. What she texted doesn’t even make sense… it was taunting, bullying, egging in for drama… what is with these people who like to destroy good things.” – CleoJK
“NOR. That is psychotic behaviour. If you stay in that relationship, you are in for a world of manipulation and toxic behaviour. It’s not worth it for such a new relationship. Call it off and wish her well, but move on.” – False-Emu-1742
“NOR. Run, Forrest, run!”
“Sounds like a narc attempt to separate you from your family and that she is hanging onto some huge resentment about being hidden…”
“I’ve met my boyfriend’s mom (it took two years before I got to meet her, though), and even now I WOULD NEVER reach out to her without his approval, let alone access his phone and violate his trust!”
“No good can come of that.” – —-Clementine—-
“Why are you questioning anything? This is insane behaviour.”
“Six months in, and she’s messaged your own mother that. Come on…”
“I know it’s hard thinking about breaking up and the stuff that follows a break-up, but leave this person. You’ll be happier in the long run. You only live once, so ensure you’re happy for that one life. This isn’t it.” – cannibalcats
“NOR. She messaged your possibly estranged mom to introduce herself, tell your mom you hate her, but gf wants to be friends with her?”
“If real, this gf has broken your trust and antagonized what may already be a difficult relationship with you. There’s no redeeming herself from that. Return any gifts for her and her family. Block her and move on.” – curiosity60
“Take the presents back for a refund and be done. What she did was wrong, and the things she said were horrible to your mother. She completely disrespected you and your mother.”
“She’s not trustworthy, and imagine if you married this person. First off, you’ll have no relationship with your family. She will control who has relationships with you by doing exactly what she has shown to you she will do.”
“Will she contact your boss and say things to them so you lose your job? Who knows. I had someone in my home for a very short time just like her and she was so destructive to every aspect in my life and always tried to be the innocent one.” – lahneah
“This is a situation where you break up immediately.”
“She violated your privacy, she crossed a boundary that you set about not letting your mom know about you two. She’s the type of person to do what she wants, no matter what you feel or think. She doesn’t care about crossing boundaries and inserted herself into your and your mother’s relationship.”
“Ask yourself, what else could she do if she’s done this. Is she going to secretly message your friends and damage your relationships with them?” – castrodelavaga79
Fellow Redditors were shocked by what the OP’s girlfriend had done, especially only six months into their relationship, and when the OP was excited to celebrate with her family for Christmas.
A person’s relationship with their parents, and even possible estrangement, is entirely their business and is not something a new partner should meddle in, especially while they’re sleeping and while using contact information that was not given to them in the first place.