We all have prized possessions that we hold especially close to our hearts. Depending on what they are, we are incredibly careful with them and keep them in a safe place.
But sometimes other people hold opinions about those items, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor OkChallenge2252 thought that she knew what was best for her boyfriend when she witnessed him with the ring he received from his father.
But when he didn’t take her stepping in well, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she had done the wrong thing.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting rid of my boyfriend’s ring?”
The OP’s boyfriend had a special ring from his father.
“My (18 female) boyfriend ‘James’ (18 male) has owned this silver ring ever since he was 13. It was extremely special to him.”
“This is because his dad gave it to him on the last day they ever saw each other. James and his dad were VERY close and when his dad left, and he was absolutely broken and in a stage of depression. It affected him for years.”
“I met James when we were 16 and right away, he told me that I was helping him out of his dark place. We got extremely close and started dating five months after meeting.”
James then made a hard-to-swallow discovery.
“James never took off the ring and he only took it off in situations where it’d get damaged or dirty.”
“I obviously had no problem with that and completely respected it.”
“However, recently, James’ dad showed up back in his life.”
“I was with him when he saw him and he was shocked. He even had a panic attack since he thought his dad has been dead.”
“However, that was never the case. I won’t go far into detail, but essentially, James’ parents used to get into awful fights when he and his sister weren’t around but hid it when they were.”
“Eventually, the fights got so bad that one day, James’ dad decided to impulsively elope to his brother’s home across the province.”
“Everyone in the family knew the truth except James and his sister. I don’t know all the details right now so I don’t know why his mother hid the truth and told them he died, but that’s what happened.”
“His father gave him the ring the day before he left as a secret goodbye gift.”
The OP began to question the importance of the ring.
“James has since taken the ring off but kept it in a special box.”
“I personally don’t think he should keep it at all. What his father did is unforgivable.”
“Whenever James looks at the ring, he just breaks down all over again, but I can tell it’s still his prized possession.”
“I don’t know why, though. All that ring signifies is his father’s lies and supposed ‘death.’ There’s no reason why James should keep that memory.”
The OP decided to do something about it.
“So one day when I was at James’ house, I sneakily grabbed the ring when he wasn’t looking.”
“Then when I left that evening, I went to a very nearby river and threw it in there.”
“The next day, James called me in a panic, asking me if I’d seen the ring.”
“I was honest and told him the truth.”
“He immediately broke down crying over the phone, asking me over and over why I would do that to him.”
“I tried to calm him down and explain, but he wouldn’t have it.”
“Since then, he barely said a word to me.”
“I knew it was his prized possession, but it held memories that were only making this situation harder for him.”
“I just thought I was doing what was best for him.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by what the OP had irreversibly done.
“YTA. Entitled and disgusting.”
“YTA, OP… You stole his ring and threw it away, effectively disposing of someone else’s property without their knowledge or consent.”
“You betrayed his trust in a major way.”
“You got rid of something with extreme sentimental value with no consideration of how that will hurt him.”
“You make HIS decisions unilaterally. You can’t do what’s best for him, because you don’t know what’s best for him.”
“You’re being patronizing instead of supportive.”
“You decided that your feelings on HIS ring are more valuable than his.”
“…none of these are things you should or can do.”
“You don’t know his family, OP. You don’t know fully what happened, and as such can’t make assumptions about how HE feels regarding those events.”
“So why, why, did you think you are in a position to throw the ring away? From what you know – from what he knows – all that ring signifies is his dad’s love and care for him. Who are you to decide differently?”
“When you planned to throw the ring away, how did you think that would help HIM?”
“Have you considered that if you needed to do it behind his back, maybe it isn’t good for him?”
“If his dad’s betrayal is so bad that every remnant of it must be destroyed, how bad would he feel if you betrayed him, too?” – GoodGirlsGrace
“What part of personal possessions do people not f**king understand?”
“Like how hard is it? IF IT IS NOT YOURS, DO NOT MESS WITH IT. IF YOU MESS WITH IT, THEN YOU ARE THE A**HOLE. Every time.”
“This is kindergarten s**t.” – that1LPdood
“You wrote this down and still needed help figuring out if this was an AH move?! Holy s**t.”
“Don’t touch other people’s possessions. Don’t patronize your boyfriend by deciding what’s best for him.”
“He really needs better people in his life. Everyone is betraying him at every turn. I wish him the best and wish you a lifetime of therapy.” – Past-Performance-602
“The worst part is she was probably one of the only people left he thought he could trust. His mom lied, his dad lied, and his whole family contributed to hiding the truth.”
“Now the final nail in the coffin. This poor guy is going to have some major trust issues for a very long time.”
“YTA” – SnooFloofs8678
Others agreed and found the OP’s feelings about the ring to be selfish.
“NGL (not gonna lie), I am so godd**n tired of reading these awful stories where OP basically says, ‘Yeah, so I decided that my feelings about an object that was really important to my SO (significant other) are totes more important than theirs, right? I’m ready to be labeled NTA, please!'”
“So gross.” – codeverity
“So many disgustingly selfish people who think their opinion is gospel and all others are wrong. I hope James breaks up with OP, because she can’t be trusted.” – xhocusxpocusx
“YTA – THAT RING WAS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
“Your business is to support James, not take control of his recovery.”
“However you feel about his father, it’s not up to you whether they reconnect or for you to decide what’s ‘unforgivable.'”
“If I were dating you, getting rid of my estranged father’s ring would be unforgivable.” – Arachnobravia
“As far as I’m concerned, OP decided to row up s**t’s creek without a paddle and I wish they had to go snorkeling in the said creek until they retrieve what they stole.”
“Which is far more than a ring. It’s a link to something her SO (significant other) is mourning, the father he believed he had. The symbol that gave him peace and comfort. That made him feel a connection to something he deeply missed.”
“What her SO’s dad did to him may have been unforgivable, but so is what she did.” – formidable-opponent
“I haven’t seen my father in 22 years. He was an illegal resident that got deported for not renewing his visa. He’ll never be allowed in this country again.”
“Was it his fault? Did he do this to himself by not going to immigration and applying for citizenship, especially when he had 4 kids in this country? Yes.”
“I have his ring. Supposedly from his father. I also have an old medallion of his. It makes me sad to see how little I have of him. I keep them in a jewelry box with a beat-up photo of us on my first birthday.”
“For a while, I was certain I lost the ring and was CRUSHED.”
“It doesn’t matter how much the man’s absence hurt your boyfriend, OP. You had no right to do that. Go get a metal detector and find it.”
“Or do him a favor and break up with him. He deserves better.” – Sapphic-Saphires
While the OP thought she was doing something that would help her boyfriend move past grieving his father and the information his entire family kept away from him, the subReddit insisted this was not a sentiment that her boyfriend shared.
Rather, the boyfriend clearly loved his father and family, and he needed time to process the information he had. That hardly meant removing the ring from the picture, especially in such an irreversible fashion.