Everyone has a hobby or activity that brings them pleasure, and helps them escape from the doldrums of everyday life.
Particularly children, who often look forward to these activities even more than they do going to school.
Of course, most after school activities also cost a considerable amount of money.
Making them a luxury some children only dream about.
Redditor Next_Egg2567 kept themself quite busy with after-school activities.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s stepmother disapproved of their numerous activities, telling the OP they need to stop at least two of them.
A mandate the OP refused to oblige.
Wondering if they were wrong for feeling this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving up my hobbies?”
The OP explained why they had no intention of obliging their stepmother’s demand:
“My dad recently married Kim who has 2 kids.”
“I like to have a busy schedule so I attend soccer classes 3 times a week, Korean classes twice a week, piano classes once a week and painting classes also once a week.”
“Now Kim thinks this is too much.”
“She says there is no time and money left for her kids.”
“She thinks I should stop playing soccer and piano because soccer is the most time-consuming and piano is the most expensive.”
“I told her that she is not paying for my classes or giving me rides so it’s none of her business.”
“Perhaps she could ask their own dad to give them money and time, but oh wait, he is a deadbeat, so maybe she shouldn’t have slept with him.”
“She thinks I’m a selfish a-hole for not giving up my hobbies for her kids.”
“My dad is on my side, so I’m not worried, but she keeps whining, which is annoying.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to give up their after school activities.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s stepmother had no right to cut the OP off from their hobbies, particularly as she didn’t contribute financially to them:
“NTA.”
“Even though he’s on your side here, your dad should talk to his wife to cut it out.”- Medical-Analyst486
“NTA.”
“You need to tell your dad you appreciate him being on your side, but Kim has to cut it out with the harassment of you.”
“Also, I’m not sure if you have both parents in your life, but I would tell your dad, especially if he is the only parent in your life, that you are concerned about what happens to you if something happens to him.”
“Kim has made it very clear that she doesn’t think your dad should be spending money on you.”
“If he dies without a will, all of his assets go to Kim.”
“If he is going to remain married to Kim, which frankly, any parent worth anything at all shouldn’t be with someone who treats their kid like this, then he should make sure to get with an attorney to record his wishes in a will and appoint an executor who is not Kim.”
“I would not say anything about the father of Kim’s kids being a deadbeat, even if that is true.”
“That inflames the situation and moves you to co-ahole territory.”
“I would simply calmly say, Kim, my activities are between me and my dad.”
“Your thoughts and opinions are not welcome and will not be entertained.”
“And walk away.”
“Kim will likely lose her sh*t if you respond this way.”
“Have your phone recording so you can show your dad how Kim behaves towards you.”-Letters_from_summer
“NTA, enjoy your hobbies.”
“You’re righ,t she isn’t paying for them, and it doesn’t hurt her kids in any way if you keep yourself active and enjoy things you like.”- Popular-Mulberry4329
“NTA and she is 100% overstepping.”
“She should be speaking with your dad about this, as I imagine he’s paying, and even then she is TA for asking.”
“It has to be hard for her kids if they don’t have the funds to do fun hobbies, and your dad as their stepdad could offer to help, but it isn’t your job to make things fair; that is their job as a team.”-My1stpseudonym
“NTA.”
“Kim wants too much.”
“She can work if she wants more money or sue her kids’ dad to get alimony.”- No_Fault_2268
“Definitely NTA.”
“You’re dad is paying for your hobbies.”
“Honestly, these seem to be varied extra-curricular activities.”
“Your parents should be glad that you’re keeping yourself busy with them.”
“She has no right to bombard her way into this and ruin your peace of mind.”
“Your dad could also talk to her about this on top of just not giving in.”- Cultural-Start-7242
“NTA at all.”
“It’s good your dad is on your side, both emotionally and practically.”
“Don’t give up your hobbies.”
“You have the right to a life of your own.”
“Did Kim protest about your hobbies before she married your dad?”
“She may be hoping you will give them up and provide free babysitting instead.”-myblackandwhitecat
“NTA.”
“She has no say in your hobbies.”
“It’s good that your dad has your back.”
“He should tell his wife to leave you alone, though.”- Emmereen
“NTA, because you are a kid and not in charge of the family budget.”
“It’s not right to make you have to take responsibility for that.”
“This is between your dad and your stepmom.”
“It’s their job to decide how family finances are spent (and between your dad and your mom, and Kim and her kids’ father, if there are child support agreements with them).”
“Unfortunately, if the family budget doesn’t allow for everything the kids (including you) want to do, sacrifices may have to be made and you may have to accept them.”
“All the kids’ needs have to be taken into account and budgeted for – which means everybody may not get everything they want.”- WolverineHour1006
“NTA.”
“Buuuut…”
“So maybe she shouldn’t have slept with him.”
“Get that attitude out of your head before you end up 35, single, and miserable.”
“Your dad is on your side; he (as the stepdad) should be taking some parental responsibility for his new stepkids, that shouldn’t mean that you need to give things up.”
“This should have all been worked out before he and Kim got married.”
“Stay out of things that are between them and don’t engage with Kim if she tries to guilt you.”- lovesorangesoda636
“NTA.”
“Your dad gets final say in how his money is spent, not Kim.”
“If she wants her kids to be able to do stuff, then she can foot the bill herself.”
“Not expect someone else to do it.”- Old_Inevitable8553
There were some, however, who had a bit of trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling that they weren’t even trying to have a relationship with their stepmother, even if they still agreed that the OP’s stepmother was out of line:
“ESH.”
“She shouldn’t be taking away from your hobbies like that so her kids can do more, that’s a golden ticket to making you resent her and her kids.”
“But you also clearly have an awful attitude towards her and are an AH for saying that stuff about her kids dad to her face, 15 is old enough to know when to keep your mouth shut.”
“I can understand her thought process of it being unfair though, when I was growing up my dad made me stop piano lessons because he said they were too expensive (he definitely could afford them but he never liked spending money on me) but my stepbrother had guitar lessons and vocal lessons paid for by his parents as well as a gym membership etc and he was older than me and definitely old enough to get a job.”
“My stepbrother still lives at home with my dad and stepmum and still doesn’t have a job, whereas I’ve got my own place and a job and kid.”
“It still pisses me off that he is lazy and gets everything paid for by my parents, but they rarely even bother to see me and their grandkid and never offer to help me out when money is tight.”
“Ultimately, your step mum and dad need to come to an agreement between them on what is fair, and you need to sort out your attitude with her and remember that you are the kid and they are the adults.”- Significant-Bee420
“ESH.”
“You’re so entitled.”- tiredINFJ-T
If the OP continuing her after-school activities was placing a significant financial burden on their family, one imagines they would understand and cut back a bit.
However, seeing as this simply seems to be the OP’s stepmother wanting the OP’s father to spend more money on her children than his own, the OP has every right to continue.
Especially if it’s unclear if the OP’s stepsiblings have any extracurricular interests to begin with.