Woman Balks After Grandma Wants Wedding Ring She Gifted Her Back To Give To Cousin

Inheriting a piece of jewelry or other treasured possession from a beloved grandparent is wonderful.

The experience is made even better when that grandparent presents the item to their grandchild personally, instead of waiting for the reading of a will after their death.

But what if they change their mind? Do you have to give the gift back?

A granddaughter turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback. AITAH is similar to AITA, but it doesn't issue official judgments or have set voting acronyms, focusing more on advice and relationships.

CutieLexiStar asked:

"AITAH for refusing to give my grandma back her wedding ring after she gave it to me 'by accident'?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"OK, so I know this sounds bad, but hear me out. My grandma (85, female) gave me (26, female) her wedding ring about 6 months ago during this really emotional family dinner where she was talking about getting older and wanting everyone to have something meaningful from her before she goes."

"She gave me the ring because she said I was the only one who still believed in 'real love' (her words not mine) and honestly I cried when she gave it to me. We hugged and everything—it was a whole moment."

"Fast forward to last week, and my cousin (29, female) gets engaged and suddenly my grandma calls me and says she wants the ring back so she can give it to her. Like she actually said, 'I didn't mean to give it to you permanently' and that she was just 'emotional that day'."

"I told her no. Not in a rude way, I just said like, 'hey that ring meant something to me too and I've been wearing it every day' since she gave it to me."

"It feels like a piece of her and it honestly helped me through a breakup recently. She got really weird and said I was being selfish and immature and that the ring was meant to stay in the married side of the family."

"I'm single by the way as of now, things might change in the future."

"Now my whole family is saying I'm 'stealing from an old woman' and 'taking advantage of her memory loss'—which I didn't even know she had. Like, no one mentioned that until now."

"My cousin posted some cryptic Instagram story about 'what's meant for you won't be stolen by someone desperate' and I swear it was about me."

"I feel like if she really gave it to me and meant it at the time, I shouldn't have to give it back just because someone else got engaged. Like, that's not my fault, right?"

"AITAH for keeping the ring?"

Some Redditors responded with the voting acronyms from AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors who voted decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"Another point that needs raising is that if she wasn't mentally fit to give you the ring, are the other items she gave out that day also going to be returned?" ~ jinglepupskye

"And she's not mentally fit to give it to cousin, now, either. It's a hypocritical plot and I wouldn't be surprised if cousin hadn't said, 'oh, I wish you still had your ring...'." ~ MisfortuneInDisguise

"This. Is everything being given back or is OP the only one not getting something from grandma?"

"OP should get a list of what else was given out and tell those people that grandma was 'too emotional' that day and wants all those things back." ~ notthedefaultname

"Maybe she WAS mentally fit when she gave it, but she's NOT mentally fit now when she's asking for it back." ~ perpetuallyxhausted

"Your grandmother and family are sh*tty people. But now you know WHO they are."

"Apparently how you feel doesn't matter."

"Give her the damned ring and let her know that you made a mistake that day too. Thinking that she loved and respected you."

"Make sure they aren't a priority in your life from now on." ~ grayblue_grrl

"This. At this point, the ring doesn't even mean anything anymore... it's just a symbol of you being brushed off."

"I would start by asking if everyone else was returning what they had been given, or if you were the only one getting a '90 day trial gift, instead of something real'."

"Then I'd take it a step further and just return it, thank them for really showing you how much you mean to them, and... if anything else is even offered in the ring's place..."

"Just turn it down and explain that you 'don't want to have to go through another repo episode later when their neighbor gets a new pet or they need a holiday gift for the mail carrier or whatever else will end up more important at that time'."

"I'd have it professionally engraved. Go over to a Tolkien subreddit for a Tenguar inscription that reads something like 'May woe befall my wearer'." ~ Prudii_Skirata

"Tell her you'll return it at the next big family dinner with a speech of your own. Love in their family has a 90-day return policy so the ring is obviously cursed and no marriage will last longer than 90 days. Hand to cousin with a smile." ~ Beth21286

"Give granny back the ring, but before you do, spit on it in front of her and curse whomever wears it, that they will forever be betrayed by those they love, like you were." ~ Terrible_Kiwi_776

"NTA OP. Your grandma, though, is questionable. Usually our elders leave itemized wills so we get what we get, if anything."

"My great aunt wore all her rings until she went into a home and got sick, which is when I and her solicitor collected the jewellery and had them held in a safe at her bank. I inherited all her jewellery and I feel exceptionally lucky to have done so."

"I was the only person in her will and the rest went to charity."

"I had always admired one particular ring and asked for that, I didn't care about money, just sentimental items, anything I got would be a bonus, but I always said I'd rather have her even if she haunted me."

"She had dementia and some were lost before we secured them, unfortunately, but her wedding set and that ring weren't. I wear the ring daily and I feel it brings me closer to her."

"I look at it daily and smile. That ring means the world to me as does her wedding set because she was my world. She was my only family and I hers, I owe who I am today to her."

"If I were you, and my aunt had given me them preemptively and demanded them back, I would have handed them over and never spoken to her again."

"But she wouldn't have done that because she was a warm and loving woman whose word held something. Your Gran seems to sway between things and be a bit cold. Give the ring back and shut down if she tries to contact you." ~ fergie_89

"Wondering how much of this is a jealous family member whispering in her ear and taking advantage of her mental decline."

"OP should speak with an estate attorney. See what the legal side of things are. She may have had her faculties when she gave the ring to OP originally, and has declined since then."

"If this is the case, an argument can be made that this was a gift. And now that grandma has declined further and has been told who knows what by other family members, she does NOT have the faculties to undo what she has done. The lawyer will be able to tell OP if they are in the clear." ~ Scorp128

"NTA, but I would give it back. In your shoes that ring would be tainted for me. It's obvious she just wants to give it to the grandkid getting married. Drop it off in an envelope with a letter."

"'The day you gave me this ring meant a lot to me. It was a symbol for the love and care you have for me. I guess it still is now that you've taken it back. Message received, loud and clear'."

"At least that's what I would do. I couldn't feel good having it anymore. I would give it back, or just pawn the damn thing."

"One way gets the family off your a**. The other hurts them as much as this has hurt you. It boils down to what kind of relationship you want from them going forward." ~ SilentJoe1986

"NTA. But I'd give it back and let her know you won't ever accept anything from her again, since you'll never know if you'll be expected to give it up the next time she decides someone else deserves it more."

"Then walk away and drop the rope." ~ PonyGrl29

"NTA. Everyone at the dinner witnessed her giving you the ring. It's not like you tricked her or stole it."

"But It's tainted now, so I would return it while burning that bridge."

"'Cousin, you can have grandma's ring. It used to be meaningful to me, but now it just represents how fickle and false family can be. You truly deserve grandma's ring'." ~ ShinyAppleScoop

The OP was reassured keeping the ring was her right, but more questioned why she would want to.