Many people dream of the day they welcome their first child into the world from a very young age.
However, the older they get, they slowly realize what “family planning” actually entails and soon discover they might not be in such a rush to have children.
Of course, not everything always goes to plan.
Redditor Muted-Percentage9948 always had a tense relationship with her in-laws.
Specifically owing to the fact that the original poster (OP) and her husband became parents a bit sooner than expected.
While the OP did her best to try to stay on good terms with her in-laws, she lost all patience with them after they expressed their disappointment in their son’s life choices to her daughter.
Leaving only one suitable consequence in the OP’s eyes.
After being told by her husband that she “overreacted”, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for deciding not to invite my husband’s family to my kid’s birthday party after they called her a mistake?”
The OP explained why her in-laws lost their invite to her daughter’s fifth birthday party:
“Me (25 F[emale]) and my husband (26 M[ale]) have been together for five years.”
“We had our daughter pretty early on (she’s 4 now) and yeah, she wasn’t planned, but we were happy and I have no regrets at ALL.”
“His family, not so much.”
“They’ve always been kinda cold towards me and honestly, I’ve noticed that they don’t treat our daughter the same as the other grandkids.”
“Last weekend, we were at his moms house for a late dinner, and she and my FIL were talking about my husband as a teenager.”
“My mother in law than proceeded to joke in front of my daughter saying how he used to be so carefree and go with the flow ‘before he had to settle down so fast’.”
“Then she added ‘I bet he wished he had more time before jumping into the dad life with an oopsie baby’.”
“I was pissed.”
“We ended up leaving soon after that since it was getting late anyways, and that night as I tucked my daughter into bed she asked me what an oopsie baby was.”
“I felt heartbroken for her and basically explained that sometimes people have kids by accident, but that doesn’t make her any less special.”
“After I put her to bed I ranted to my husband, saying I don’t want his MIL around our daughter if she’s going to be saying stuff like that.”
“The last thing I want is for my baby girl to be questioning whether or not she’s wanted.”
“I said I don’t want my family in law at her fifth birthday party next month and I won’t be sending them an invite until they apologize for making things awkward.”
“My husband says I’m overreacting over a small comment and I need to relax and not make this a thing.”
“He argued saying I shouldn’t overreact a comment she made when she was tired.”
“He told me I’m not allowed to uninvite *his* family, especially over this.”
“Am I overreacting?”
“Should I just suck it up and let them come to the party and risk my daughter hearing more harmful things?”
“I’m honestly really upset but I feel like I’m the only person who’s mad so idk what to do.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for banning her in-laws from her daughter’s birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s in-laws not only didn’t deserve an invite to their granddaughter’s birthday based on the way they behaved, but might not even be worthy of seeing her at all.
Some were equally appalled by the fact that the OP’s husband made no effort to stand up for his daughter, even if a few also believed the OP could have handled things better with her daughter:
“NTA.”
“If this isn’t the first comment they have made, they will continue to make more if you let this slide. Do you want to spend the next few years of your life constantly trying to explain to your daughter and defuse a situation that they have caused?”
“At some point, she will be old enough to understand, and then what is your husband going to do?”
“Tell his daughter not to be so sensitive?”
“This needs to stop now, before it gets worse.”- butterflygurl88
“NTA.”
“You don’t have an in-law problem, you have a husband problem.”
“Why isn’t he standing up for your daughter?”
“Either he is oblivious to the different treatment or he doesn’t care, I’m not sure which is worse.”
“You need to have a serious talk with him about setting boundaries and not allowing your daughter to be singled out.”- Cupcakesmj
“Your husband has an odd take on the concept of small. Hippo?”
“So small.”
“The Grand Canyon?”
“Smallish.”
“The elephant in his parents’ dining room?”
“Yet again, very small.”
“Well, no.”
“Coming out and saying that a 5-year-old was unwanted, was an accident, that her dad would have had a better life if she hadn’t been born, but unfortunately, she messed things up for him in front of said 5-year-old is disgusting, hurtful behavior.”
“Your husband is under-reacting; you, on the other hand, have the judgment to realize that your in-laws are merrily undermining your daughter’s emotional well-being.”
“And what do we do with people who harm our little children?”
“We stay away from them.”
“We rip them a new one and then we walk away.”
“Go full mama bear, OP!”
“NTA!!!”- Nester1953
“NTA.”
“Your MIL is being very clear, and your DH is purposefully ignoring her barbed comments because he doesn’t want to have a difficult conversation with her.”
“If DH refuses to set a boundary with his own mom, I suggest separate celebrations: 1) a simple family dinner with his side so you can quickly leave if she says anything else.”
“2) A actual party with your friends/your side of family.”
“This way you if needed you are able to protect your child.”
“Your kid does not need a guilt-trip for existing.”- HowlPen
“MIL’s precious little boy was 21/22 when he became a father.”
“If he wanted to live carefree he could have prevented becoming a dad at that age.”
“He had just as much agency in having a child as you did.”
“And yes, I know what an oopsie baby is but it still takes two people to oops.”
“NTA, your primary problem, however, is your husband not your in-laws.”-
Ok-Carpet5433
“NTA.”
“You’re not making this a thing, your in-laws did by saying awful things about their grandchild in front of her.”
‘Small comments make a big impact on little ears.”
“Just because his mother was tired, she doesn’t get a pass for being careless about her choice of words in front of an innocent 5-year-old who is old enough to remember and internalize such commentary.”
“Your husband needs to quit excusing his parents’ bad behavior, and he needs to quit minimizing your feelings.”
“You’re the one who had to run damage control for your daughter, not him.”
“You’ll be happy to invite them.”
“AFTER they apologize.”- InternationalBad2640
“NTA.”
“MIL targeted that comment towards you and your daughter at a family dinner.”
“It is not a small snide comment and shows MIL avid dislike for you and your daughter in her sons life.”
“You have every right not to have people who don’t appreciate/love your daughter at her party.”- mimikyu-moon
“NTA.”
“Tell him to EXPLAIN THOROUGHLY why it’s ok for MIL to essentially call daughter a MISTAKE.”
“Is he really OK with that?”
“Tell him if his family turn up to the party they will be TOLD to leave.”- jess1804
“NTA.”
“And you’re definitely not overreacting.”
“As someone whose mother told me regularly for as long as I’ve been alive that I was a mistake, it’s traumatic.”
“She won’t forget that.”
“People act like kids don’t absorb and retain things that are said to them but they definitely do.”-DoomsdayDonuts
“NTA.”
“But I have no idea why you explained oopsie baby to your 5-year-old in the worst possible way, when she would have accepted any other explanation at her age.”
“I have words to describe your husband, but this sub doesn’t approve of them.”- StyraxCarillon
“His family sounds trash, and if this is his normal reaction to how they treat you, you have a husband problem not an in-law problem.”
“He’d have to fight me ’cause I’d triple dog dare him to invite his family to her party.”
“I have no solutions that are reasonable, but swing on all of them if they play with you.”
“NTA.”- Winter_Raisin_591
No parent wants their children to grow up faster than they need to.
However, a grandchild is a blessing many people would do anything for.
If the OP’s in-laws can’t provide their granddaughter with the love and respect she deserves, one can only wonder if it’s a good idea for them to remain a part of her life.